The Long Goodbye: The Never-Ending Virtual Romantic Relationship ( Archived) (319)

Well, the "if a person really loved this other person, they would do such and such..." is a question I've played with myself many times over the last few months. One person might say, "If you loved me enough, you'd be patient," and the other person might reply, "If you loved me enough you'd make up your mind." Whose behavior is more loving or unloving in these circumstances, V?

One moment I'm talking to someone I consider to be the love of my life (however self-deludedly) in a perfectly reasonable manner (no argument at all being presented to my words), and the next moment...SILENCE. Irrevocable silence, without possibility of reprieve, without possibility of closure. It seems to me, knowing that I had a very reasonable position and that I behaved perfectly politely during that final discussion, that someone who actually loved me would never do what was done. I see no motivation for it except the desire to punish.

My threads have not been about punishing anyone. They've been about trying to achieve understanding - with some complaining on the side. They've been about many, many other people besides myself.

I want to respect the request - to acquiesce - but I also want to retain the right to discuss issues that are meaningful to me. Right now I could talk about the weather being bad and people would probably see that as an allegorical reference to my relationship.

Anyway, as I wrote earlier, I plan to write as abstractly as possible without references to a specific person. That's the respect that I think is due, and I want to honor that. I don't think it's fair, however, particularly considering the circumstances, for me to be asked to do more than that - to in effect shut up because someone might be uncomfortable with my reflections. That's like asking me to stop being myself.