Separated: single or not? (64)
Autumncolour: I am very uncomfortable when I am contacted by a man who says he's saparated. I don't know how serious is the 'separation' and if he is actually doing anything to change the status. One saparation is not equal to other...It is difficult!
I'd be the same!
xxrosaxx: I'd be the same!
id prob recommend if u have issues with seperated men then prob best not to reply and only seek single men so.
Personally I was 'seperated' for ten years and got divorced last November.
To me its just a misnomer and people don't have to have been married to 'long' for someone else or have baggage. Its more their state of mind I would be interested in rather than their status.
To me its just a misnomer and people don't have to have been married to 'long' for someone else or have baggage. Its more their state of mind I would be interested in rather than their status.
fifitheminx: well interesting read...
ive a great relationship with my ex..but theres a snowballs chance in hell we would get back together..
as soon as we can get divorced..we will ...but he will always be my friend. hes my kids dad ..he will be around forever so it was important to forge a new relationship for everyones sake..plus im not the kinda person who hates and neither is he..
now in all honesty..i couldnt care less what a persons status says about them..its how they are with me..
doesnt take someone being married/seperate/divorced to be unable to commit.. only takes one bad breakup and inability to move on to do that to a person..(or sometimes not even that)
sounds to me ur problem with seperated men u met so far is their inability to commit to u emotionally...which simply means ur doing one of 2 things..
a, not able for a man with a past that will be part of his future..(ie the kids)
b, expecting commitment very early on in a relationship..which most men have to be railroaded into..not just the seperated ones.
ive a great relationship with my ex..but theres a snowballs chance in hell we would get back together..
as soon as we can get divorced..we will ...but he will always be my friend. hes my kids dad ..he will be around forever so it was important to forge a new relationship for everyones sake..plus im not the kinda person who hates and neither is he..
now in all honesty..i couldnt care less what a persons status says about them..its how they are with me..
doesnt take someone being married/seperate/divorced to be unable to commit.. only takes one bad breakup and inability to move on to do that to a person..(or sometimes not even that)
sounds to me ur problem with seperated men u met so far is their inability to commit to u emotionally...which simply means ur doing one of 2 things..
a, not able for a man with a past that will be part of his future..(ie the kids)
b, expecting commitment very early on in a relationship..which most men have to be railroaded into..not just the seperated ones.
Unlike most men I've no problem with commitment. I've been committed several times and I never put up any struggle.
snowlynx: Unlike most men I've no problem with commitment. I've been committed several times and I never put up any struggle.
thats why i said most..
not all for definate...
lol struggle made me laugh tho.
fifitheminx: well interesting read...
ive a great relationship with my ex..but theres a snowballs chance in hell we would get back together..
as soon as we can get divorced..we will ...but he will always be my friend. hes my kids dad ..he will be around forever so it was important to forge a new relationship for everyones sake..plus im not the kinda person who hates and neither is he..
now in all honesty..i couldnt care less what a persons status says about them..its how they are with me..
doesnt take someone being married/seperate/divorced to be unable to commit.. only takes one bad breakup and inability to move on to do that to a person..(or sometimes not even that)
sounds to me ur problem with seperated men u met so far is their inability to commit to u emotionally...which simply means ur doing one of 2 things..
a, not able for a man with a past that will be part of his future..(ie the kids)
b, expecting commitment very early on in a relationship..which most men have to be railroaded into..not just the seperated ones.
ive a great relationship with my ex..but theres a snowballs chance in hell we would get back together..
as soon as we can get divorced..we will ...but he will always be my friend. hes my kids dad ..he will be around forever so it was important to forge a new relationship for everyones sake..plus im not the kinda person who hates and neither is he..
now in all honesty..i couldnt care less what a persons status says about them..its how they are with me..
doesnt take someone being married/seperate/divorced to be unable to commit.. only takes one bad breakup and inability to move on to do that to a person..(or sometimes not even that)
sounds to me ur problem with seperated men u met so far is their inability to commit to u emotionally...which simply means ur doing one of 2 things..
a, not able for a man with a past that will be part of his future..(ie the kids)
b, expecting commitment very early on in a relationship..which most men have to be railroaded into..not just the seperated ones.
Yes, yes... You are right! I may have a problem with the 'separated' men...8 years in a relationship with a guy suffering from uncurable commitmentphobia. The kids are grown up, and married already. I am just afraid of going the same route...
Autumncolour: Yes, yes... You are right! I may have a problem with the 'separated' men...8 years in a relationship with a guy suffering from uncurable commitmentphobia. The kids are grown up, and married already. I am just afraid of going the same route...
only takes one bad egg to turn ya off them..
but i wouldnt tar them all with same brush..some are perfectly capable of commitment...and some single men had one gf back in the last century and wont let go of her
like everything
each man on his own merits.
Autumncolour: Do you consider a 'separated' man a single or not? Is he available emotionally to build a new relationship when his marriage has no final closure? For me he is still attached and will not be able to commit?
hehe. Well as others have said it depends on each situation. I'll give you an extreme one. My mother and father separated and got a Catholic Annulment when I was 5. Also they filed for a British divorce at the time. As it turns out, a peculiarity with Irish law (especially inheritance matters) to guarantee no claims when either of them dies on each others estates their solicitor advised them to file for an Irish divorce (as they were married in Ireland and are resident and domiciled here). So 25+ years later they get a divorce under Irish law. It's safe to assume that each of them were 'separated' long before then.
In response to: Do you consider a 'separated' man a single or not? Is he available emotionally to build a new relationship when his marriage has no final closure? For me he is still attached and will not be able to commit?
Im separated almost as long as i was married. My ex and i have now reached a point where we can breathe the same air without wanting to gouge each others eyes out! We have to get along because of the children. We are not divorced and have no plans to at the moment. But neither of us would even consider revisiting our relationship. The only thing that would bring about a divorced would be if he wanted to re marry. Although i can safely say i will never get married again, not being divorced has nothing to do with it and Im happy to become involved with someone - just not marry him!
Im separated. Im single. Im not ever gonna get back with my ex even though we get on well. I have kids. Some people see that as a problem and cant get over it. Thats their perogative. All i can do is reasure them if they voice their concern. Its up to them if they can cope with it. Im quite able to commit to a new relationship but the other person has to know that my kids will always be in my life. Separated: Single
Autumncolour: Well, after reading all your replies I come to a conclusion that it is not as black and white as I thought... Maybe I should not be so strict with the separated singles then...>
maybe you should just keep an open mind on them lol. some would get back with their ex and most wouldnt. :)
salanky: well yeah thats true but then again if it was mutual and they have a good relationship afterwards,as in no fighting etc, then there is the slim chance the feelings could resurface on either one or both their parts. iv never been married and have no kids so i dont know what kind of bond you would have with a person once you have a child together but for the most part you cant just cut them out of your life and they will be part of any future relationships in one way or another
im separated almost 6 years, i have 2 kids, we decided mutually to split up, there is not a hope in hell of the pair of us EVER getting back together romantically, yes i see him quite often cos of the kids and yes we get along very well but he has had and never will have any say in my personal relationships in the past or in the future, as i dont have any say in his. As long as the kids are put 1st then everything else kinda falls into place...so far anyway 
It seems from this this that marriage is like a mortgage. There should a marriage NAMA.
billyj1: It seems from this this that marriage is like a mortgage. There should a marriage NAMA.
Oh if only
70Libra: Not having a divorce does not infer that the two individuals named on the marriage certificate are still a couple either.
The OP asked if someone who is separated (i.e. no longer sharing his/her daily life with their spouse) could be EMOTIONALLY single. None of us are arguing that the existance of that little bit of paper that was awarded on the day we walked down the aisle gives us the right to call ourselves unmarried in the eyes of the legal system.
The OP asked if someone who is separated (i.e. no longer sharing his/her daily life with their spouse) could be EMOTIONALLY single. None of us are arguing that the existance of that little bit of paper that was awarded on the day we walked down the aisle gives us the right to call ourselves unmarried in the eyes of the legal system.
I've been biting my tongue on this one, but I have to ask.....
Are you a blonde yet???
Glengirl: I've been biting my tongue on this one, but I have to ask.....
Are you a blonde yet???
Are you a blonde yet???
No.
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Separated should mean both - separated 'mentally' ie; has cut the emotional tie and moved on and - separated 'physically' - ie; both parties living in separate accommodation. If you meet someone who hasn't done both then you should seriously think about taking it any further.