How do I deal with The Silent Treatment? ( Archived) (120)

mollybaby: Have you made definite plans to meet in person?
Or is it just a bit of fun in the internet, whilst you both get on with your life in RL?

If it is the latter, then he is not getting the concept of 'fun ' very well

If it is the former, I hope he doesn't use the silent treatment in RL, that is no way to run a relationship.

Best of luck either way

dateadave: If someone is angry and they use withdrawal to deal with it then you need to give them space. By stepping back and giving them space it actually invites them to communicate you where as if you were to push them for communication they withdraw further. It's called the push-pull dynamic.

jac379: Anger's a tricky one. We're taught is socially unacceptable to express anger so it ends up being expressed in other more socially acceptable ways.

A common way for women to express anger is through crying - the tears are very often not sadness, but tears of rage. Even we often struggle to recognise them as such, anger is so socially oppressed.

It's socially unacceptable for men in the West to cry as well and men are often expected to express anger through competitive sports, or thumping each other. That hardly addresses the source of the problem, either.

Most of us find it difficult to be assertive and say, "I feel angry with you because..." Even more of us find it difficult to recognise our anger is most often just as much to do with us and our personal history as it is to do with the person we're angry with.

PP, he's told you he deals with anger by remaining silent and he's brought you silence. Ergo, you've already worked out he's angry. If you end up in that situation again, try just stating "You're angry." Sometimes acknowledgement can go a long way. You might try asking, "Do you feel able to tell me about your anger?" And y'know, it's okay to sit there in silence and allow him to think in your presence. Just relax and observe.

Ultimately, he kind of needs to be willing to work on his inability to deal with his anger, though. You can't be going through the silent treatment every time he's miffed. If he's not willing to learn more productive ways of communicating you might find the relationship you have with him untenable in time.

Scott1812: Hi Pretty by chance does he know your on this site because even if you know your doing nothing wrong it is still a dating site and he my not understand that?

Obstinance_Works: I think he doesn't want to hurt your feelings(or doesn't have the balls)so he's trying to get you to initiate the serious talk. I think he's trying to get you to dump him. Don't you think he might be trying to get you to dump him?

Happygolucky4u: You ask with how to deal with the silence? Continue living. As you mentioned it is a internet based relationship so get dressed go out have some fun and when you get back check to see if the conversation has moved forward. One of the best things about texting and messaging you can read it at your convenience. Please do not even start trying to figure out why one is silent. It could be from a multitude of reasons. And since you have not met in person it is difficult for you read body language. For all you know he could be over there involved in playing an online game or something Life is short. How you live yours is your choice. Each moment you waste is a moment you will not get back. Over a year is a long time to cyber date. Have you skyped? Do you know what a date really is? Dating is the time people use to see if they are compatible and want to move on to a deeper more meaningful relationship. It is something that old dinosaurs like myself remember. Keep it in the right perspective. Please enjoy your life. And don't adopt others bad attitudes or vibes. Now put on your happy face and let him have his silence and space. You go out and enjoy yourself.