How do I deal with The Silent Treatment? (120)
PrettyPrescious: I've been cyberdating someone for over a year that I met online. He has told me that he deals with anger by not speaking. Well........he must be upset about something! He has been evasive lately.....then, today he met me online and said he wanted to talk with me. After greeting each other, he proceeded to........remain silent! I stayed with him for quite awhile, in hopes that he would finally say something, but he never did. I saw indications that he was reading my messages...b/c the little pic of him would pop up right after each of them. How would you deal with this? I love to get peoples' ideas!
I wonder why is he angry? This obviously isn't an exclusive 'dating' arrangement considering the other daters etc. 
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Stedan: Kettles pic on his bike ..he is at Speke Hall.
Morning Stedan ,
No not Speke Hall {Its Rivington }
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kettleson: Whats your favourite Pizza ?
hi darling, hell English, with all the trimmings...hahaha guess this has me cornered now.....really big time!!!!
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kettleson: Morning Stedan ,
No not Speke Hall {Its Rivington }
No not Speke Hall {Its Rivington }
Thanks initially looks like entrance to Speke Hall...nice vid lots of bikes for the enthusaists.
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PrettyPrescious: I've been cyberdating someone for over a year that I met online. He has told me that he deals with anger by not speaking. Well........he must be upset about something! He has been evasive lately.....then, today he met me online and said he wanted to talk with me. After greeting each other, he proceeded to........remain silent! I stayed with him for quite awhile, in hopes that he would finally say something, but he never did. I saw indications that he was reading my messages...b/c the little pic of him would pop up right after each of them. How would you deal with this? I love to get peoples' ideas!
Anger's a tricky one. We're taught is socially unacceptable to express anger so it ends up being expressed in other more socially acceptable ways.
A common way for women to express anger is through crying - the tears are very often not sadness, but tears of rage. Even we often struggle to recognise them as such, anger is so socially oppressed.
It's socially unacceptable for men in the West to cry as well and men are often expected to express anger through competitive sports, or thumping each other. That hardly addresses the source of the problem, either.
Most of us find it difficult to be assertive and say, "I feel angry with you because..." Even more of us find it difficult to recognise our anger is most often just as much to do with us and our personal history as it is to do with the person we're angry with.
PP, he's told you he deals with anger by remaining silent and he's brought you silence. Ergo, you've already worked out he's angry. If you end up in that situation again, try just stating "You're angry." Sometimes acknowledgement can go a long way. You might try asking, "Do you feel able to tell me about your anger?" And y'know, it's okay to sit there in silence and allow him to think in your presence. Just relax and observe.
Ultimately, he kind of needs to be willing to work on his inability to deal with his anger, though. You can't be going through the silent treatment every time he's miffed. If he's not willing to learn more productive ways of communicating you might find the relationship you have with him untenable in time.
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Ccincy: If someone gave me the silent treatment I wouldn't put up with it.
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jac379: Anger's a tricky one. We're taught is socially unacceptable to express anger so it ends up being expressed in other more socially acceptable ways.
A common way for women to express anger is through crying - the tears are very often not sadness, but tears of rage. Even we often struggle to recognise them as such, anger is so socially oppressed.
It's socially unacceptable for men in the West to cry as well and men are often expected to express anger through competitive sports, or thumping each other. That hardly addresses the source of the problem, either.
Most of us find it difficult to be assertive and say, "I feel angry with you because..." Even more of us find it difficult to recognise our anger is most often just as much to do with us and our personal history as it is to do with the person we're angry with.
PP, he's told you he deals with anger by remaining silent and he's brought you silence. Ergo, you've already worked out he's angry. If you end up in that situation again, try just stating "You're angry." Sometimes acknowledgement can go a long way. You might try asking, "Do you feel able to tell me about your anger?" And y'know, it's okay to sit there in silence and allow him to think in your presence. Just relax and observe.
Ultimately, he kind of needs to be willing to work on his inability to deal with his anger, though. You can't be going through the silent treatment every time he's miffed. If he's not willing to learn more productive ways of communicating you might find the relationship you have with him untenable in time.
A common way for women to express anger is through crying - the tears are very often not sadness, but tears of rage. Even we often struggle to recognise them as such, anger is so socially oppressed.
It's socially unacceptable for men in the West to cry as well and men are often expected to express anger through competitive sports, or thumping each other. That hardly addresses the source of the problem, either.
Most of us find it difficult to be assertive and say, "I feel angry with you because..." Even more of us find it difficult to recognise our anger is most often just as much to do with us and our personal history as it is to do with the person we're angry with.
PP, he's told you he deals with anger by remaining silent and he's brought you silence. Ergo, you've already worked out he's angry. If you end up in that situation again, try just stating "You're angry." Sometimes acknowledgement can go a long way. You might try asking, "Do you feel able to tell me about your anger?" And y'know, it's okay to sit there in silence and allow him to think in your presence. Just relax and observe.
Ultimately, he kind of needs to be willing to work on his inability to deal with his anger, though. You can't be going through the silent treatment every time he's miffed. If he's not willing to learn more productive ways of communicating you might find the relationship you have with him untenable in time.
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PrettyPrescious: I've been cyberdating someone for over a year that I met online. He has told me that he deals with anger by not speaking. Well........he must be upset about something! He has been evasive lately.....then, today he met me online and said he wanted to talk with me. After greeting each other, he proceeded to........remain silent! I stayed with him for quite awhile, in hopes that he would finally say something, but he never did. I saw indications that he was reading my messages...b/c the little pic of him would pop up right after each of them. How would you deal with this? I love to get peoples' ideas!
Hi Pretty by chance does he know your on this site because even if you know your doing nothing wrong it is still a dating site and he my not understand that?
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Mmmm silent treatment people drive me insane,
are they on some kind of power trip,
..what do they be thinking about in all that silence,...I wouldnt .. Be manipulated or drawn into trying to appease one that gave silent treatment I'd walk away .now I would only do that if I had tried to open up dialogue with him to discuss it and tell him how confused it makes you feel when he not in his silent treatment of you,if it continued I'd walk away he not for you and some people use it as their weapon just as much as people do with venting their anger in other ways, Some people are passive aggressive it's just their way, but really it's hard for me to speculate here as it could be used to manipulate you and that's not love in any shape and shows a person that does that is insecure and not loving themself,just my opinion.good luck with whatever you choose to do.::thumbsup:
are they on some kind of power trip, ..what do they be thinking about in all that silence,...I wouldnt .. Be manipulated or drawn into trying to appease one that gave silent treatment I'd walk away .now I would only do that if I had tried to open up dialogue with him to discuss it and tell him how confused it makes you feel when he not in his silent treatment of you,if it continued I'd walk away he not for you and some people use it as their weapon just as much as people do with venting their anger in other ways, Some people are passive aggressive it's just their way, but really it's hard for me to speculate here as it could be used to manipulate you and that's not love in any shape and shows a person that does that is insecure and not loving themself,just my opinion.good luck with whatever you choose to do.::thumbsup:------ This thread is Archived ------
peachmelba: Mmmm silent treatment people drive me insane, are they on some kind of power trip, ..what do they be thinking about in all that silence,...I wouldnt .. Be manipulated or drawn into trying to appease one that gave silent treatment I'd walk away .now I would only do that if I had tried to open up dialogue with him to discuss it and tell him how confused it makes you feel when he not in his silent treatment of you,if it continued I'd walk away he not for you and some people use it as their weapon just as much as people do with venting their anger in other ways, Some people are passive aggressive it's just their way, but really it's hard for me to speculate here as it could be used to manipulate you and that's not love in any shape and shows a person that does that is insecure and not loving themself,just my opinion.good luck with whatever you choose to do.::thumbsup:
I agree with peach, it's a manipulative, childish way of dealing with issues. How can there be any communication if one partner in a relationship brings the shutters down, leaving the other wondering. It's cruel and I'd walk away.
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jac379: Anger's a tricky one. We're taught is socially unacceptable to express anger so it ends up being expressed in other more socially acceptable ways.
A common way for women to express anger is through crying - the tears are very often not sadness, but tears of rage. Even we often struggle to recognise them as such, anger is so socially oppressed.
It's socially unacceptable for men in the West to cry as well and men are often expected to express anger through competitive sports, or thumping each other. That hardly addresses the source of the problem, either.
Most of us find it difficult to be assertive and say, "I feel angry with you because..." Even more of us find it difficult to recognise our anger is most often just as much to do with us and our personal history as it is to do with the person we're angry with.
PP, he's told you he deals with anger by remaining silent and he's brought you silence. Ergo, you've already worked out he's angry. If you end up in that situation again, try just stating "You're angry." Sometimes acknowledgement can go a long way. You might try asking, "Do you feel able to tell me about your anger?" And y'know, it's okay to sit there in silence and allow him to think in your presence. Just relax and observe.
Ultimately, he kind of needs to be willing to work on his inability to deal with his anger, though. You can't be going through the silent treatment every time he's miffed. If he's not willing to learn more productive ways of communicating you might find the relationship you have with him untenable in time.
A common way for women to express anger is through crying - the tears are very often not sadness, but tears of rage. Even we often struggle to recognise them as such, anger is so socially oppressed.
It's socially unacceptable for men in the West to cry as well and men are often expected to express anger through competitive sports, or thumping each other. That hardly addresses the source of the problem, either.
Most of us find it difficult to be assertive and say, "I feel angry with you because..." Even more of us find it difficult to recognise our anger is most often just as much to do with us and our personal history as it is to do with the person we're angry with.
PP, he's told you he deals with anger by remaining silent and he's brought you silence. Ergo, you've already worked out he's angry. If you end up in that situation again, try just stating "You're angry." Sometimes acknowledgement can go a long way. You might try asking, "Do you feel able to tell me about your anger?" And y'know, it's okay to sit there in silence and allow him to think in your presence. Just relax and observe.
Ultimately, he kind of needs to be willing to work on his inability to deal with his anger, though. You can't be going through the silent treatment every time he's miffed. If he's not willing to learn more productive ways of communicating you might find the relationship you have with him untenable in time.
Establish the rule that it is OK if he doesn't want to communicate sometimes, and needs space to calm down, but he must agree to talk about it later at a specified time.
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hmmmmm....Anger Says it all really....
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unlaoised: I agree with peach, it's a manipulative, childish way of dealing with issues. How can there be any communication if one partner in a relationship brings the shutters down, leaving the other wondering. It's cruel and I'd walk away.
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PrettyPrescious: I've been cyberdating someone for over a year that I met online. He has told me that he deals with anger by not speaking. Well........he must be upset about something! He has been evasive lately.....then, today he met me online and said he wanted to talk with me. After greeting each other, he proceeded to........remain silent! I stayed with him for quite awhile, in hopes that he would finally say something, but he never did. I saw indications that he was reading my messages...b/c the little pic of him would pop up right after each of them. How would you deal with this? I love to get peoples' ideas!
I think he doesn't want to hurt your feelings(or doesn't have the balls)so he's trying to get you to initiate the serious talk. I think he's trying to get you to dump him. Don't you think he might be trying to get you to dump him?
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Obstinance_Works: I think he doesn't want to hurt your feelings(or doesn't have the balls)so he's trying to get you to initiate the serious talk. I think he's trying to get you to dump him. Don't you think he might be trying to get you to dump him?
Sounds quite likely.
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Obstinance_Works: I think he doesn't want to hurt your feelings(or doesn't have the balls)so he's trying to get you to initiate the serious talk. I think he's trying to get you to dump him. Don't you think he might be trying to get you to dump him?
Sounds quite likely.
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Obstinance_Works: I think he doesn't want to hurt your feelings(or doesn't have the balls)so he's trying to get you to initiate the serious talk. I think he's trying to get you to dump him. Don't you think he might be trying to get you to dump him?
Sounds quite likely.
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i deal with silent treatment by breaking the silence, yop
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truheart1941: ........
Pete! Are you giving me the silent treament or suffering from foot in mouth disease?
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If someone is angry and they use withdrawal to deal with it then you need to give them space. By stepping back and giving them space it actually invites them to communicate you where as if you were to push them for communication they withdraw further. It's called the push-pull dynamic.