When to tell date of my health condition? (14)
When you feel comfortable about saying anything about it.
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vfrman: Wanted the advice from men and women on when they feel I should tell a date of my blood disorder ? A kinder gentler way of saying "cancer"
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
Look upon it this way. Is it serious and likely to be a waste of time dating? Is it likely to mean you'd be dead within a few years? Those are rhetorical questions, you don't have to actually answer them here.
If it's something that isn't something major and means you can still live a decent lifestyle, then I see no reason why it needs to be mentioned until you're comfortable together.
If it's something managed by medicines, that means your lifestyle is suited to fit them, then I'd recommend mentioning it before you meet up. But, rather than sending it in a text or mail, do it while you're talking on the phone. NOT at the end of a conversation, but with enough time to allow her to ask any questions.
Also, allow her to have time to think of any questions she may have. Don't forget to mention that you'd bear no grudges against her if she can't handle it, but you'd rather she said that much, rather than saying it's because of something else.
Good luck OP, and hope it's not a serious life changer.
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vfrman: Wanted the advice from men and women on when they feel I should tell a date of my blood disorder ? A kinder gentler way of saying "cancer"
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
You pretty much answered your own question about being dishonest. If you hold back on your health condition then don't you think your agenda is deceitful and could be hurtful to someone.
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vfrman: Wanted the advice from men and women on when they feel I should tell a date of my blood disorder ? A kinder gentler way of saying "cancer"
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
You have to say something. I don't think anybody can tell you when to say it. Don't feel too guilty if you're not too forthcoming with the truth. People do worse things for reasons far more trivial than yours.
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Obstinance_Works: You have to say something. I don't think anybody can tell you when to say it. Don't feel too guilty if you're not too forthcoming with the truth. People do worse things for reasons far more trivial than yours.
I agree. He could work it into their conversations slowly that he had to get a blood test or he had to get some other test done.
The woman might ask why did he get the blood test done or she might not ask thinking it's too personal a question. However he does it, I think he should slowly tell her he has a condition that doctors are testing. She may not want to get serious about someone who she will have to take care of the rest of his life.
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secretagent09: I agree. He could work it into their conversations slowly that he had to get a blood test or he had to get some other test done.
The woman might ask why did he get the blood test done or she might not ask thinking it's too personal a question. However he does it, I think he should slowly tell her he has a condition that doctors are testing. She may not want to get serious about someone who she will have to take care of the rest of his life.
The woman might ask why did he get the blood test done or she might not ask thinking it's too personal a question. However he does it, I think he should slowly tell her he has a condition that doctors are testing. She may not want to get serious about someone who she will have to take care of the rest of his life.
If it sounds worse than it is you may try to soften the blow by talking around the condition first. Personally I wouldn't mince my words if it as bad as it sounds. The right thing to do is to say before it gets serious, but I'd give a lot of leeway to people who don't do the right thing.
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Obstinance_Works: If it sounds worse than it is you may try to soften the blow by talking around the condition first. Personally I wouldn't mince my words if it as bad as it sounds. The right thing to do is to say before it gets serious, but I'd give a lot of leeway to people who don't do the right thing.
If I had a life threatening illness I would tell the person before they fell in love with me.
it's a catch 22 because I wouldn't want to talk about personal business. However, anything to do with a health condition should be discussed so the person can decide if they want to continue. I've been in this situation where someone told me of their health issue and I did continue with them for a relationship.
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First of all, best of luck to you.
There are different type of cancers and treatment, so you know best how bad it can get. We had cancer in the family and being brutally honest - going through treatment, people had enough to do with themselves, let alone starting a relationship.
CS is good as a distraction and a way to get in contact with people - not only romantically, but as friends and people willing to listen etc. It might be a help in whatever you have to deal with.
Not everyone can deal with a person being ill - do you want to go through the disappointment yourself if you connect with someone and there is the possibility of them hitting the road running?
If there is someone you want to meet - tell her.
There are different type of cancers and treatment, so you know best how bad it can get. We had cancer in the family and being brutally honest - going through treatment, people had enough to do with themselves, let alone starting a relationship.
CS is good as a distraction and a way to get in contact with people - not only romantically, but as friends and people willing to listen etc. It might be a help in whatever you have to deal with.
Not everyone can deal with a person being ill - do you want to go through the disappointment yourself if you connect with someone and there is the possibility of them hitting the road running?
If there is someone you want to meet - tell her.
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It is likely to hamper your chances because most people won't be able to handle it, at whatever point you tell them.
If you're going to be involved with someone who can handle it, they kinda need to be a thinking type of person. Tell them up front and give them the opportunity to think about it, I reckon.
If you're going to be involved with someone who can handle it, they kinda need to be a thinking type of person. Tell them up front and give them the opportunity to think about it, I reckon.
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Hi,
Health issues have been part of my familys life for some 60 years , and when Jos and i were married there were more ,
i spos for my self im used to it and just be there for others and help them as needed yes i had to be strong to work through what we had to go through ,
And when things got a little bit over the top i would take a little time out and work on some of my work jobs wood work and the like ,
Then back to it , myself id rather know up front and then work towards how to work through it and still have a life that included two of us ,
Cancer ,yes i know and understand what it can do to one and i lived with my Mom who had it and nursed her 1959 .
i dont hide things from others and if when i find a partner will know all about my self up front ,i would rather someone be happy with me from the start than try and hide my issues or what ever and most know what they are any way ,
...noeleena...
Health issues have been part of my familys life for some 60 years , and when Jos and i were married there were more ,
i spos for my self im used to it and just be there for others and help them as needed yes i had to be strong to work through what we had to go through ,
And when things got a little bit over the top i would take a little time out and work on some of my work jobs wood work and the like ,
Then back to it , myself id rather know up front and then work towards how to work through it and still have a life that included two of us ,
Cancer ,yes i know and understand what it can do to one and i lived with my Mom who had it and nursed her 1959 .
i dont hide things from others and if when i find a partner will know all about my self up front ,i would rather someone be happy with me from the start than try and hide my issues or what ever and most know what they are any way ,
...noeleena...
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Thank-you to each and everyone of you for responding. My cancer is not a serious one to answer one commenters question and can be handled with chemo pills.
Honestly most said what i thought and would feel dishonest not being well up front and honest telling a potential date my issues. I would expect the same from the other side so whats good for the goose :-)
Having said that , I guess it comes down to what happens if you /I meet fall in love get married or whatever to later find out they have contracted some illness like cancer!!!! Then what? Leave like my ex did or stay and support. I definitely would stay and support but thats just me.
Thanks again folks , much appreciated!!!
Gary
Honestly most said what i thought and would feel dishonest not being well up front and honest telling a potential date my issues. I would expect the same from the other side so whats good for the goose :-)
Having said that , I guess it comes down to what happens if you /I meet fall in love get married or whatever to later find out they have contracted some illness like cancer!!!! Then what? Leave like my ex did or stay and support. I definitely would stay and support but thats just me.
Thanks again folks , much appreciated!!!
Gary
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vfrman: Wanted the advice from men and women on when they feel I should tell a date of my blood disorder ? A kinder gentler way of saying "cancer"
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary
Getting a serious disease while in a relationship, it can break it or make it stronger, unfortunately some people walk away when that happens.
Had my life-time partner (the Father of my children) had a serious disease I would have stayed together forever and had taken the best care for him.
However, entering a relationship -at this stage of my life- with someone with a serious disease, sorry I would not take the decision to start it.
I wish you the best!
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Created: Feb 2015
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I thinking if I with hold this info until they start to connect with me that's being dis honest on my part BUT if I withhold the info for a few dates they may fall in love then its too late tee hee.
I'm wondering if throwing out the big "c" so early will hamper my chances ?
Thoughts and comments welcome cs ers
Gary