Men's thought on their wives...................... ( Archived) (27)

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A collection of men's thoughts on their wives...
"My wife has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt." --Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
"My wife was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that My Wife would eat breakfast, let alone what she'd have?" --Ted, Wexford, Pa.
"What's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; My Wife sleeps in my T- shirts. When My Wife's cold My Wife wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. My Wife steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. My Wife even wears my boxers. I'm tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do." --Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass.
"You can hear her eat soup from the next room." --Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.
"My wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian. During meals, My Wife asks people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops used to be smarter than their dogs." --Miles, Shreveport, La.
"Every so often boom! My wife’s a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead. Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is." --Cary, Seattle
"My wife will brush her teeth but she won't go to the dentist. She says she's not afraid of the pain; she just doesn't want to put herself in the hands of any fellow who'd choose to be a dentist. " --Terence, Gary, Ind.
"My wife’s stopped shaving her legs. My Wife says that now people will know she's a natural blonde." --Ned, Tucson, Ariz.
"My wife takes her half of the bed out of the middle." -Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.
"Have you ever seen a woman with green crust and slime smeared over her face, dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you'd be able to sleep at night, knowing that creature is next to you?" --Arthur, Cedar City, Utah
"My wife’s allergic to everything. Her nose is chronically stuffed. If I kissed her on the mouth, she'd suffocate." --Bryan, Toledo, Ohio
"My wife wears these false eyelashes. She left 'em lying around and I slammed 'em with my newspaper, tried to kill the damn things. Scared me half to death." --Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.
"My Wife takes those soaps too seriously. I'll come home and find her in tears because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy's having a fictional affair." --Archie, St. Louis
"My Wife will not shop at discount stores or sales. My Wife thinks they're crowded and plebeian. My Wife doesn't even look at the reduced rack, other than, perhaps, for gifts for my mother." --Conrad, Wilmington, Del.
"It annoys her that our children look like me." --James, New Orleans
"With five kids, I don't have time to complain about . don't have time to notice her." --Bob, Charleston, W.Va.

And women really do stuff like that --- and you guy's complain

but you love it. Yes???

A woman's husband dies leaving her $20,000.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that there is no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $6,000? And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $2,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$12,000 for the memorial stone? My God, how big was it?

The widow says, "Three carats."

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A TV reporter did a story on gender roles in Iraq several years before the Gulf War.
She noted that women customarily walked a few feet behind their husbands. In a follow-up story, she returned to Iraq recently and observed that men now walked several yards behind their wives.
The reporter approached one of the Iraqi women and said, "This is marvelous! Can you tell the free world just what it was that enabled women here to achieve this total reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," replied the woman.

Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover...
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!

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Grandpa's Words of Wisdom
Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.
Judgin' from the specimens they pick for husbands, it's no wonder that brides often blush.
On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past...but never the present.

A foolish husband remarks to his wife: "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin', and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna work."
The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.

Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, make bed, and is in good health...and he's already used to taking orders.
Grandpappy and his wife were discussin' their 50th wedding anniversary when she said, "Shall I kill a chicken tonight?" "Naw," said Grandpappy, "Why blame a bird for something' that happened 50 years ago?"

nice ones HG, thanks for posting them!!

Of cours they do that is why they keep coming back for more.

Lot's more where they came from.
Need my daily "fix" myself

I doen't know about other men, And how they would handl this? My was and is ill. But I still hold her cloase to my hart. we where togetter for 26 years. she had anrisums in the frunt part of her brain. in the long trum afect was scicophrainya. she did alot of bad things from trying to kill owr kid and my self to so so many more things. now the kids do not won't any thing to do with her. my oldest was going to come home OH he is a Marine and get marreid this week end but they didn't becuase she said that she would show up But they are going to try before He gos to Iraq. I don't know it's just sad.

Sokrates' advice to men:
Marry!
If ur wife's good,u'll be happy
Otherwise
U'll be a philosopher