The Ex Won,the Kids Lost,Where Do You Go From Here? (123)
jonahstrialspensacola, Florida USA11 Threads 132 PostsAsk any questions you want. I have nothing to hide. I mean actually I raised them for 6.5years with ex,then got divorced...we had joint for the last 4.5years,son turns 11 on 01/12...so yeah,that adds up to 11 hun...Does it add up now?
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Sommerauer71: Hi hrt41
You and I have discussed your case before.
Catherine Meyer is a lady who had her children taken from her, 11 years ago.
By her ex husband.
My own children were taken by mine, to another country, it took me a long time to have them returned.
Anyway, her boys, she has not seen for 11 years.
She is married to the ex British Ambassador to the US.
She has been through many courts to have her boys returned, to no avail.
They are so severly alienated, they are now adults.
Parental Alienation Syndrome is something that is not recognised, but exists...
I could get no court in the UK to recognise this, I had to wait, for a long time to get my children back. And all over money, it took me four long, long years to recover their minds, with love, patience and support...
I cannot and will not support any person who uses their children as pawns, as a personal ATM machine, contact and child support are two very different areas.
Coming from two parents who fought over me, bitterly and being dragged from country to country as a little one, and then to have it happen to my own children is something that pains me.
To bring me to a point, about judges, people are right, they in Family Law, want an easy solution, the more difficult cases are allowed to slip through the net.
And what are natural, loving relationships, are allowed to be eroded...
And that is where it sticks in my heart, we cannot stop what the other parent says, but Family Law, in the UK and the US could be changed, to benefit the children.
A subject that runs very deep with me, very deep as I know it does you.
You and I have discussed your case before.
Catherine Meyer is a lady who had her children taken from her, 11 years ago.
By her ex husband.
My own children were taken by mine, to another country, it took me a long time to have them returned.
Anyway, her boys, she has not seen for 11 years.
She is married to the ex British Ambassador to the US.
She has been through many courts to have her boys returned, to no avail.
They are so severly alienated, they are now adults.
Parental Alienation Syndrome is something that is not recognised, but exists...
I could get no court in the UK to recognise this, I had to wait, for a long time to get my children back. And all over money, it took me four long, long years to recover their minds, with love, patience and support...
I cannot and will not support any person who uses their children as pawns, as a personal ATM machine, contact and child support are two very different areas.
Coming from two parents who fought over me, bitterly and being dragged from country to country as a little one, and then to have it happen to my own children is something that pains me.
To bring me to a point, about judges, people are right, they in Family Law, want an easy solution, the more difficult cases are allowed to slip through the net.
And what are natural, loving relationships, are allowed to be eroded...
And that is where it sticks in my heart, we cannot stop what the other parent says, but Family Law, in the UK and the US could be changed, to benefit the children.
A subject that runs very deep with me, very deep as I know it does you.
It is a shame our legal systems evolved to the point where children are considered like property. I know in Australia the emphasis is now changed to that of shared parenting, to try and minimise the squabbling over kids. At moment my wife and I are in a shared parenting agreemeent... because the kids should be No.1 priority. I think sparring parents fail to see that when they put their own vested interests above their children they are actually continuing the misery for the children.
Whilst lawyers/solicitors are involved this win at all costs mentality will be perpetuated.
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Your so right friend. I would have done anything rather that fight in court about my kids. I mean the Judge doesn't help either...if it wasn't for the lawyers,he wouldn't have a job. That is something to think about. I knew that it was all about the money,the bucks,the BLOOD money more like it. 
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Back to the topic,I am considering a roommate or moving in with somebody(friend,not date),would love to hear your comments. Now that the support is going to increase,I will need the extra money to survive.
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jonahstrials: Back to the topic,I am considering a roommate or moving in with somebody(friend,not date),would love to hear your comments. Now that the support is going to increase,I will need the extra money to survive.
Good idea! That's exactly what I had to do.
Just use wisdom and caution in your choices. Don't settle for just "any" roommate.
JMO,
Merky
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Well,unless the courts are willing to put the money up to get a three bedroom,I am stuck w/this 2Brm apt. My ex use to live in a one bedroom trailer with both of my kids. I could never say anything about it. The only reason why she even has a roof over her head is because she married the house,not the guy. I have advertised only for a female thinking that is the smarter choice,but she will have to rent the only other room in the apt. I am trying to find a three bedroom cheap enough to move into with a roommate so the kids can have their own room to sleep in,but having the kids only two days now shouldn't make a difference. The ole saying,"You gotta do whatcha gotta" do rings true in this situation.
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That's right. But be careful while you're doing it.
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Your right friend,and I have noticed how hard it is even to find a roommate. I mean not only is the economy tough right now,no one can even afford to move!
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In Texas one can file for a modification after one year. Those complaining about their lawyer can find a different one.
No one has to be a bad parent but most states try to do what is in the best interest of the children.
One can't judge a case based on a someone's post -remember there are always TWO sides to a story.
No one has to be a bad parent but most states try to do what is in the best interest of the children.
One can't judge a case based on a someone's post -remember there are always TWO sides to a story.
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Thanks for the post and one thing I can definitely say is that I have nothing against my ex personally...I mean our divorce was over 5yrs ago,but just the fact that my kids are very well taken care of tells you the problem is with the ex,not the care of my kids. I mean I was awarded full custody in 2001 when the ex was living with another guy. I have always wanted what is the best interest of the kids. Even though I would love full custody,my kids like seeing both of us for the same amount of days so that is why I always wanted joint. My ex admitted in court that she didnt even want me taking care of my son at all,so that should have told the courts right away,her problem is with me,not my kids care. I am diabetic like my son and that in itself was a strength of mine. Well,earlier this year she even tried telling the courts that I couldnt take care of his diabetes...Now,who would you rather care for your son,a person who has NEVER had diabetes or a person who has been diabetic and in perfect control for 27yrs?
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Thanks for the post and one thing I can definitely say is that I have nothing against my ex personally...I mean our divorce was over 5yrs ago,but just the fact that my kids are very well taken care of tells you the problem is with the ex,not the care of my kids. I mean I was awarded full custody in 2001 when the ex was living with another guy. I have always wanted what is the best interest of the kids. Even though I would love full custody,my kids like seeing both of us for the same amount of days so that is why I always wanted joint. My ex admitted in court that she didnt even want me taking care of my son at all,so that should have told the courts right away,her problem is with me,not my kids care. I am diabetic like my son and that in itself was a strength of mine. Well,earlier this year she even tried telling the courts that I couldnt take care of his diabetes...Now,who would you rather care for your son,a person who has NEVER had diabetes or a person who has been diabetic and in perfect control for 27yrs?[/quote]
Wayne, hold on a minute there.....that was an unfair statement. With the PROPER training, any one can take as good a care of a diabetic as a diabetic. The reason I can say that is because my youngest son is a diabetic and I am not.
Merky
Wayne, hold on a minute there.....that was an unfair statement. With the PROPER training, any one can take as good a care of a diabetic as a diabetic. The reason I can say that is because my youngest son is a diabetic and I am not.
Merky
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Thanks friend for your post...and you brought up a good point,"let them know that you are still there"... I have ALWAYS been there,through the living with the boyfriends,thru the giving me my son and going back to the boyfriend,thru the getting pregnant by the boyfriend and then coming back. I hate to put it bluntly,but I will be there for my kids,but I am not going to fight over them,use them as pawns,or do anything to upset them. They will know who the culprit is in the end and that is when time will truly tell. My kids have NEVER had a say in any hearing/meeting ever held. I even had to bring them to court due to the passing of my Mom and all the Judge said was can your sister take the kids to a park away from the courthouse. She was a witness that day also,so that was wrong to tell her to leave. If you know about Family Law then you should know one fact...THE COURTS DO WHAT IS EASIEST FOR THEM,NOT THE PARENTS. I worked in billing for three years at a call center and only by working there did I understand that these people are only here 8-5 M-F and beyond that,they don't care about how I or my kid's feel. It is a JOB,that is it. BTW,I am moving to Australia,sounds like a good place kids. 
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Well, in my area, the kids have to be age 12 IF the court chooses to listen to what the child wants and IF they think the child is mature enough to decide for themself. Still alot of IFs there...............
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In most states the law is 12,but it is really up to the judge you have. My judge has told other people that the kid has to be 18,but never stated an age with me. Funny thing is,the courts consider my 10yr old to be old enough to be at my ex's house by himself,but not old enough to decide who he wants to be with? Go figure...
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Tater: I just read your statement again, and it seems like you are saying you were living off your mother, and now that she is gone, you want help... Maybe it is time for you to grow up and be a man, and what is with the state of mind comment, I have to many questions...not trying to be insensitive..
What is wrong with you?????? why are you being so nasty?? this guy who seems like a stand up guy who had a good relationship with his mum and who appears to care deeply about his kids is hurting right now and you somehow think it is appropriate to kick the book in.... u nasty little man!!
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Thanks friend,you saw how much attention I gave his comment...like a cheater shows jealousy,same applies here...He probably lives at home with his parents. I never asked anyone for help,but it is good to know that there are CS members that do show compassion. I just pray he doesn't lose his Mom,it is a very sad thing indeed. 
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jonahstrials: Thanks friend for your post...and you brought up a good point,"let them know that you are still there"... I have ALWAYS been there,through the living with the boyfriends,thru the giving me my son and going back to the boyfriend,thru the getting pregnant by the boyfriend and then coming back. I hate to put it bluntly,but I will be there for my kids,but I am not going to fight over them,use them as pawns,or do anything to upset them. They will know who the culprit is in the end and that is when time will truly tell. My kids have NEVER had a say in any hearing/meeting ever held. I even had to bring them to court due to the passing of my Mom and all the Judge said was can your sister take the kids to a park away from the courthouse. She was a witness that day also,so that was wrong to tell her to leave. If you know about Family Law then you should know one fact...THE COURTS DO WHAT IS EASIEST FOR THEM,NOT THE PARENTS. I worked in billing for three years at a call center and only by working there did I understand that these people are only here 8-5 M-F and beyond that,they don't care about how I or my kid's feel. It is a JOB,that is it. BTW,I am moving to Australia,sounds like a good place kids.
I am not in Australia, to make it clear, I live in Austria.
And I am talking about UK Family Law.
I can see that you are hurting, you are writing all what you have lived through... During this, but you now need to take this and turn it around.
I applaud that you do not discuss it in front of the children, however, if they ask questions then answer them...
Without prejudice.
I know the courts will do what is easiest, they do not like the difficult cases, so the difficult ones they make the decision that is easiest for them.
Were your children interviewed? By a guardian ad litem?
Did your lawyer, put forward your case in how you had supported, loved and cared for your children? There was a case, with two sides put across and the children's wishes would have been taken into consideration.
You are talking about the past and you need to look to the future now, it is done, fighting it in your own mind, is something that is wasted energy...
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Hey sympathise wiv ya, most cases th women win, I won custody of my kids way bak in 84, british justice gave me 10p per year for each child- move on n fought a custody with hague convention for my daughter, won this to and 4 $17,000 told had done nuthin rong, stay wiv it truth and karma always go around
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Thanks friend for the info and advice. I was just thinking about what the Fathers who don't fight for their kids get...THE SAME THING...interesting anyway.
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Tater: I just read your statement again, and it seems like you are saying you were living off your mother, and now that she is gone, you want help... Maybe it is time for you to grow up and be a man, and what is with the state of mind comment, I have to many questions...not trying to be insensitive..
Doesn't sound like he was living off his mom, sounds like his mom and his kids were his life and with them gone, he now has to live for himself. He doesn't know how to deal with 2 losses.
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