How long would you wait for a guy to make up his mind about having a relationship with you (74)
Big_John: I agree with this. I communicated very well with some ladies and then when we met they were really quite different. You need this first meeting as soon as you believe the connection is being made. JMO
That's what happened to me.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: Buzzy, I love your bluntness, but Tain is a smart woman, don't you think after two years, she would know, I would know after a week if a person was married.
I have been married, I would know.
I have been married, I would know.
Thanks for the vote of confidence Sommer
While all the plans were being made about where we would go and what we would do I think he had an image and a script in his mind as to how it would all go. But I know life does not always work to a script and he wanted me to make sure that things went to his perfect script, I had a more laid back approach, one that would take the pressure off us both and that was to just to relax and take things as they come, that way we would not have the stress of too many expectations to get in the way of getting to know each other. Guess I didn't provide enough script material
Anyway he's been divorced for some time and had shared custody of his kid.------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: Perfect, two months was long enough for me, and him.
We got it right, and the travel bit is easy, not so easy going home, but once there, then the next plans come in...
We got it right, and the travel bit is easy, not so easy going home, but once there, then the next plans come in...
And "that's just the way it is" ~can't remember the name of the song or even the artist right this second, but I remember the tune... and feelings
and that's got to be enough for now. "it's late; time for bed" ~can't remember that right this second either, but that's just the way it is for me anymore.
All------ This thread is Archived ------
tainogirl: Thanks for the vote of confidence Sommer While all the plans were being made about where we would go and what we would do I think he had an image and a script in his mind as to how it would all go. But I know life does not always work to a script and he wanted me to make sure that things went to his perfect script, I had a more laid back approach, one that would take the pressure off us both and that was to just to relax and take things as they come, that way we would not have the stress of too many expectations to get in the way of getting to know each other. Guess I didn't provide enough script material Anyway he's been divorced for some time and had shared custody of his kid.
I am not sure about this Tain, for some reason it seems that he wants it all his way.
I will, however, give him the benefit of the doubt, simply because you are smart and it is hard to bring it all to words about him and why you have lasted for so long without a meeting.
I could not have done that, I have make friends here that I would love to meet and have been friends for well over a year here, but I need something more than this. And I got that bandit PPV, for my bloody sins.
We can all sit and wait where life takes us, but sometimes you got to grab it and shake it and make it sit up and have something to hold onto, not just 'lets wait and see'
Two years is a very long time, I could not do it, I repeat again, I was beginning to get irritated after a month.
I think you should lay it down flat now, tell him, you want a meeting or you are cutting it.
Let him think about it, leave him be and see what his reaction is.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: Yep, am right there with you, I cannot bear the nedless calls, emails and all of that when you want to meet, just do it.
I did. I gave him a date, with three weeks notice, told him I have to book flights and stuff, you want it or not?
He did, he took and I went.
Sometimes us wimmen have to take the lead.
I would offer him a date, that is convinient for you and then he can sort his own diary out and decide what is good for him.
Just lay it out there, if he wants to meet you, he will.
I did. I gave him a date, with three weeks notice, told him I have to book flights and stuff, you want it or not?
He did, he took and I went.
Sometimes us wimmen have to take the lead.
I would offer him a date, that is convinient for you and then he can sort his own diary out and decide what is good for him.
Just lay it out there, if he wants to meet you, he will.
Sheesh. You make me feel like a Johnny Come Lately, S. I didn't meet GG until after 5 months.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Big_John: I found you invest yourself and your heart and all of a sudden you meet and the person is so totally different than you thought they would be. All the electronic stuff doesn't do what just one face-to-face meeting can do. We talked alot about love at first sight, but I know we can make up our minds pretty quickly when we see someone if the attraction and chemistry is there or it isn't.
Yes, for me I can and luckily for me, he could too.
It can be so different and that is why people can be too honest here, we set ourselves up for failure, by declaring that, then the meeting can be so disappointing, which is why I can not last long, because I want to get it over and done with, to be blunt and see where I am in it all, if it can be something.
Good thread, I like stuff like this.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: I see what you are saying Ship, but for the first meeting, then I do not want to wait much longer than that, especially when the contact has been of an intense nature, as ours was, two months was enough for me, to wait and once we had met, we knew we wanted to again. And again.
So for us, that two month contact was enough, we were lucky, I was able to travel, he would not have been because of his commitments in his homeland.
So, I can see where you are coming from, but what is right for one member of the twosome may not be for the other, and that can pose a problem, and we girls like to plan, especially when it involves travelling through countries.
I think we have to be able to have some plans and time limits, or nobidy would ever meet.
I have to get on two planes and enter two countries to go see m man, for now, that involves, timing and planning, I cannot ust jump in my car and pop and see him.
So I needed to know, now I can just book and rock up when I feel like it.
So for us, that two month contact was enough, we were lucky, I was able to travel, he would not have been because of his commitments in his homeland.
So, I can see where you are coming from, but what is right for one member of the twosome may not be for the other, and that can pose a problem, and we girls like to plan, especially when it involves travelling through countries.
I think we have to be able to have some plans and time limits, or nobidy would ever meet.
I have to get on two planes and enter two countries to go see m man, for now, that involves, timing and planning, I cannot ust jump in my car and pop and see him.
So I needed to know, now I can just book and rock up when I feel like it.
But, again, I feel that when the time is right to make a move...make it. This move means moving on, and it is well past time!!
------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007: Sheesh. You make me feel like a Johnny Come Lately, S. I didn't meet GG until after 5 months.
I am an impatient woman, Jeff.
Each to their own.
I cajoled, laid my cards out and said, come and get me cowboy or lose me forever.
Would not always work for some, but it did for him.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: I am not sure about this Tain, for some reason it seems that he wants it all his way.
I will, however, give him the benefit of the doubt, simply because you are smart and it is hard to bring it all to words about him and why you have lasted for so long without a meeting.
I could not have done that, I have make friends here that I would love to meet and have been friends for well over a year here, but I need something more than this. And I got that bandit PPV, for my bloody sins.
We can all sit and wait where life takes us, but sometimes you got to grab it and shake it and make it sit up and have something to hold onto, not just 'lets wait and see'
Two years is a very long time, I could not do it, I repeat again, I was beginning to get irritated after a month.
I think you should lay it down flat now, tell him, you want a meeting or you are cutting it.
Let him think about it, leave him be and see what his reaction is.
I will, however, give him the benefit of the doubt, simply because you are smart and it is hard to bring it all to words about him and why you have lasted for so long without a meeting.
I could not have done that, I have make friends here that I would love to meet and have been friends for well over a year here, but I need something more than this. And I got that bandit PPV, for my bloody sins.
We can all sit and wait where life takes us, but sometimes you got to grab it and shake it and make it sit up and have something to hold onto, not just 'lets wait and see'
Two years is a very long time, I could not do it, I repeat again, I was beginning to get irritated after a month.
I think you should lay it down flat now, tell him, you want a meeting or you are cutting it.
Let him think about it, leave him be and see what his reaction is.
I agree with sommer, tain.
------ This thread is Archived ------
pretzelman: But, again, I feel that when the time is right to make a move...make it. This move means moving on, and it is well past time!!
Ship, you are just great, you know this, yes?
------ This thread is Archived ------
Here are two scenarios. You've been seeing a guy in real or you met someone online. In the first instance you've met,dated and seem compatible on many levels but he's still hesitant to take the next step of committment, or for those who've met online you've sent IM, e-mails, phonecalls till all hours and you're acting like you are already in a relationship, yet he hesitates to visit you and see where your're heading. In both scenarios how long would you be patient and wait before you thought of moving on.[/quo
Well you haven't told us how long either one of these scenarios has been played out? Plus in reality we women and some men are quick to rush headlong and take someone else into a "relationship" with us. Why not let it play out not for years but be patient. Make sure that the end scenario is to be with that person not just to get married or say you have someone. Just my opinion.
Well you haven't told us how long either one of these scenarios has been played out? Plus in reality we women and some men are quick to rush headlong and take someone else into a "relationship" with us. Why not let it play out not for years but be patient. Make sure that the end scenario is to be with that person not just to get married or say you have someone. Just my opinion.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: I am an impatient woman, Jeff.
Each to their own.
I cajoled, laid my cards out and said, come and get me cowboy or lose me forever.
Would not always work for some, but it did for him.
Each to their own.
I cajoled, laid my cards out and said, come and get me cowboy or lose me forever.
Would not always work for some, but it did for him.
I am glad to see that some men have the backbone to go for it and you got your man summer
I don't usually get this way but something happened on the way to drop my kid of at daycare that got me thinking about how we waste precious moments of time in indecision instead of sometimes just going for it.This morning I witnessed a horrible accident on the same bus route I cross everyday with my kid. A guy got knocked down by a goverment official's car then run over by a bus. I had to pass this awful site to get to the daycare. As I saw this guy lying there I thought about how fleeting time can be. He won't have another minute to turn and hug and kiss someone and tell them he loved them and we the living sometimes make a mockery of this precious thing we call time. I say if you think you found something good you should go for it and take a chance and not waste a minute of the happiness you've found.
------ This thread is Archived ------
tainogirl: I am glad to see that some men have the backbone to go for it and you got your man summer I don't usually get this way but something happened on the way to drop my kid of at daycare that got me thinking about how we waste precious moments of time in indecision instead of sometimes just going for it.
This morning I witnessed a horrible accident on the same bus route I cross everyday with my kid. A guy got knocked down by a goverment official's car then run over by a bus. I had to pass this awful site to get to the daycare. As I saw this guy lying there I thought about how fleeting time can be. He won't have another minute to turn and hug and kiss someone and tell them he loved them and we the living sometimes make a mockery of this precious thing we call time. I say if you think you found something good you should go for it and take a chance and not waste a minute of the happiness you've found.
This morning I witnessed a horrible accident on the same bus route I cross everyday with my kid. A guy got knocked down by a goverment official's car then run over by a bus. I had to pass this awful site to get to the daycare. As I saw this guy lying there I thought about how fleeting time can be. He won't have another minute to turn and hug and kiss someone and tell them he loved them and we the living sometimes make a mockery of this precious thing we call time. I say if you think you found something good you should go for it and take a chance and not waste a minute of the happiness you've found.
Tain! Great moment of reconciling with your inner self
If you are still interested in giving it another nudge, share that with him and take Sommer's lead... go for it! Tell him 'either we jump together or I'm jumping alone'
------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: Ship, you are just great, you know this, yes?
you know, Sommer, I really believe what I said.
Although I left Florida less than two months ago, I didn't feel the time was right to commit to Sharon, totally. But now that I realize that I do love and miss her, I felt the time was right, recently, and I told her. I made the move when I felt it was right, and not just because I felt I should say that before leaving Florida.
Love is slippery, evasive and aloof; yet yearning to be captured, while begging for it's freedom. So, you must make your moves accordingly to satisfy love's demands
------ This thread is Archived ------
tainogirl: I am glad to see that some men have the backbone to go for it and you got your man summer I don't usually get this way but something happened on the way to drop my kid of at daycare that got me thinking about how we waste precious moments of time in indecision instead of sometimes just going for it.
This morning I witnessed a horrible accident on the same bus route I cross everyday with my kid. A guy got knocked down by a goverment official's car then run over by a bus. I had to pass this awful site to get to the daycare. As I saw this guy lying there I thought about how fleeting time can be. He won't have another minute to turn and hug and kiss someone and tell them he loved them and we the living sometimes make a mockery of this precious thing we call time. I say if you think you found something good you should go for it and take a chance and not waste a minute of the happiness you've found.
This morning I witnessed a horrible accident on the same bus route I cross everyday with my kid. A guy got knocked down by a goverment official's car then run over by a bus. I had to pass this awful site to get to the daycare. As I saw this guy lying there I thought about how fleeting time can be. He won't have another minute to turn and hug and kiss someone and tell them he loved them and we the living sometimes make a mockery of this precious thing we call time. I say if you think you found something good you should go for it and take a chance and not waste a minute of the happiness you've found.
I have been looking for this thread.
Hi Tain.
You know, you have to grab it, because of incidents like the one you have described, that is how I am, how I think.
You should take the opportunity if they present themselves, I did, had he said no he did not want to meet, then I would have slunk off quietly,
Two years is a long time, you are too smart to let it all go by you, if he cannot commit after two years to a meeting, you need to move on and allow yourself the chance to be free to pursue other lines of interest should you so wish.
I think you have been outstandingly patient, immensely, that shows some good staying power, somebody else could have been the benefit of that wonderful love and patience and appreciated it.
You will never know now, but I would suggest one last go at getting him to meet with you, or bye - bye.
Tain for you.
You damn well deserve it.
------ This thread is Archived ------
pretzelman: you know, Sommer, I really believe what I said.
Although I left Florida less than two months ago, I didn't feel the time was right to commit to Sharon, totally. But now that I realize that I do love and miss her, I felt the time was right, recently, and I told her. I made the move when I felt it was right, and not just because I felt I should say that before leaving Florida.Love is slippery, evasive and aloof; yet yearning to be captured, while begging for it's freedom. So, you must make your moves accordingly to satisfy love's demands
Although I left Florida less than two months ago, I didn't feel the time was right to commit to Sharon, totally. But now that I realize that I do love and miss her, I felt the time was right, recently, and I told her. I made the move when I felt it was right, and not just because I felt I should say that before leaving Florida.Love is slippery, evasive and aloof; yet yearning to be captured, while begging for it's freedom. So, you must make your moves accordingly to satisfy love's demands
You know Ship, I believe you, in fact you could tell me the world was square and I would believe you.
I agree, about making the move, when it is right, and it was for me, if it had not been reciprocated there would have been no hard feelings and we would have moved on.
I am so very pleased for you, and Sharon, I do not know her, I know only a little of you from here, but out of anybody, here, this is the best news, ever. Simply because of what I do know about you.
The very best to you and Sharon, Ship.
And a hug right back to you and her.
------ This thread is Archived ------
tainogirl: Here are two scenarios. You've been seeing a guy in real or you met someone online. In the first instance you've met,dated and seem compatible on many levels but he's still hesitant to take the next step of committment, or for those who've met online you've sent IM, e-mails, phonecalls till all hours and you're acting like you are already in a relationship, yet he hesitates to visit you and see where your're heading. In both scenarios how long would you be patient and wait before you thought of moving on.
In real life not at all if he is not ready for commitment he will never be or he will just with other person.....on internet......take it as fun so do what every u want and feel so------ This thread is Archived ------
Sommerauer71: Tainogirl
Interesting, I met my man from here, we waited two months before we met, but that was because of work commitments, and so on.
We had spoken for the most part, everyday of those two months.
So I think I would have not have waited much longer than that period.
If he had been hesistant, I would have sensed it and I would have dropped him like a hot brick, I know I would, but he was not, work, was the main reason where it was hard for him to make arrangements and when we did finally, it was very different because we knew then it was going to happen.
If you are in this position, and it is not an easy one, I would offer him this, 'Please can we arrange to meet, if you are in any way concerned about it or do not feel up to it, please tell me'
There is nothing wrong in that, some may make it seem like it is desperation, but I do not care, it is not, it is common courtesy that a person who is involved to this depth be honest to the other one about their intentions.
If ther eis heistation I would ask and I found the answer satisfactory and I could accept it, then I would wait, treavel is not cheap and time is hard to spare, so all of that in consideration, I would push it a little, as in my sentence, but then I would leave it if I felt that it was going nowhere, most of the people here I have encountered are looking for a serious relationship, and that is how they seek, and people who do respond should have the courtesy and good manners to show that they are too, if they are not interested then they should say. If they want friendship then they should say. It is not hard is it?
If you are in this position Tain, I wish you the very best of luck.
Interesting, I met my man from here, we waited two months before we met, but that was because of work commitments, and so on.
We had spoken for the most part, everyday of those two months.
So I think I would have not have waited much longer than that period.
If he had been hesistant, I would have sensed it and I would have dropped him like a hot brick, I know I would, but he was not, work, was the main reason where it was hard for him to make arrangements and when we did finally, it was very different because we knew then it was going to happen.
If you are in this position, and it is not an easy one, I would offer him this, 'Please can we arrange to meet, if you are in any way concerned about it or do not feel up to it, please tell me'
There is nothing wrong in that, some may make it seem like it is desperation, but I do not care, it is not, it is common courtesy that a person who is involved to this depth be honest to the other one about their intentions.
If ther eis heistation I would ask and I found the answer satisfactory and I could accept it, then I would wait, treavel is not cheap and time is hard to spare, so all of that in consideration, I would push it a little, as in my sentence, but then I would leave it if I felt that it was going nowhere, most of the people here I have encountered are looking for a serious relationship, and that is how they seek, and people who do respond should have the courtesy and good manners to show that they are too, if they are not interested then they should say. If they want friendship then they should say. It is not hard is it?
If you are in this position Tain, I wish you the very best of luck.
Generally one will know in first month how things are progressing.
Definetly never leave it too long to meet/see the person in the flesh.. I include video-ing over net.. as it's hard to lie then.
Most of us will be impatient.. No one like being strung along... nor should be
------ This thread is Archived ------
In response to: Here are two scenarios. You've been seeing a guy in real or you met someone online. In the first instance you've met,dated and seem compatible on many levels but he's still hesitant to take the next step of committment, or for those who've met online you've sent IM, e-mails, phonecalls till all hours and you're acting like you are already in a relationship, yet he hesitates to visit you and see where your're heading. In both scenarios how long would you be patient and wait before you thought of moving on.
Hi there Tain,
In my openion there is a time frame on all things, you can email, have phone conversations, web cam etc etc etc until you are blue in the face.
If you feel it is not moving forward and the situation becomes a lockdown then it is time to move along. Life is too short and way to precious to waste your valuable time on messers. He either wants you or he dos'nt it's as simple as that. Listen to your inner self and you will get the feelings in your stomach as to what to do.
No one should have to run after another.
I wish you well and hope it turns out the the way you wish without any great effort.
------ This thread is Archived ------
This Thread is Archived
This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.
« Go back to All Threads
« Go back to All Threads
More Threads
Thinking out loud #3
Name A Book In The Bible That Begins With The First Letter Of Your Name
How To Secure Your Gate
the death nail for dating websites
What I Lack In Vocabulary
It's been a long time....
Heavy Bass In The PM
What's going on
Wondering
Blast From The Past
More Threads
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).
Don't get me wrong, I continued on my career and did all the things I wanted. He would call, or come and see me. I even moved away and he still calls and made an 8 hour trip to see me but I still saw the same things I saw in 1998. So, I'm done and on the internet.
As for online, well I've contacted someone over a month ago on one site and a week ago on this site, and haven't heard from him(also he hasn't logged in to his site for awhile) so I'm willing to wait at least 3 months. I have the patience of a saint when it comes to some things but it really is in God's hands.