In my kitchen, lies
A demon, so vile,
So evil, so despicable,
I tremble when I summon
It's services!

It sits there, looking
Innocent, harmless in
It's appearance.
But I know, it's
Just a ruse, a ploy;
In reality, it's ready
To pounce, as a lioness
Would on an inured
Impala or zebra.

I know, I tell you,
It knows how to screw up
My cheap white bread,
Bagel Or English muffin!
IT KNOWS!!!

Bagel, bread or muffin
Must be golden in color.
This is where the innocent
Looking kitchen gadget,
Becomes the demon toaster.

Cheap white bread is
Just fine without
The toaster's evil touch.
Bagels are just Ok,
When not that golden brown.
English muffins just
Don't cut it; What good
Are those nocks and crannies
If the butter, jelly,
Or peanut butter, or
All three, just sit,
Not melting their way
Into those nocks and crannies?

The setting on the table demon,
Is slightly higher to
Golden brown my English muffin.
The toaster jaws then start
To come to life.
I hear the evil giggle,
Rise from it's wire jaws.

I push the lever that
I do so dread, and
Wait patiently for my
Golden delight.
Then after an eternity,
I hear that welcome click.
But to my horror, it
Must go down again!

I push the evil lever
And watch the muffin vanish.
Waiting for a second
Eternity; my sense of smell
Detects the toaster's
Betrayal again.

The smoke is billowing
From the chrome nightmare,
As if a fire kindled by
Green, damp wood.
Forcing the muffin out
Of it's cremating heat,
I stare in disbelief,
At the this blackened
Muffin, that just set
The smoke detector off.

The demon in the kitchen
Is now taunting, laughing,
Gleaming in rapture;
It knows, I tell you!
It knows, I'll be back again!
It KNOWS!