Would you marry someone with a handicap/disability (159)
Kim431fairmont, West Virginia USA1 Threads 34 Postsjustjim63: Kim, if i offended You i sincerely apologise, if you look back on the posts you will see that i was being supportive of people with disabilities, I think most people who live daily with disabilities are incredible people, I would never make fun of these people or their circumstances.I hope we can move forward from this and wish you well in life.
that should have said it is not fun when I typed all that I did not realize that I left out a word.Kim431: that should not matter about the extent of the disability, admit it you do not want to take care of that person. You are scared to get close to someone with a disability.
Of course it matters. If the disability is severe and I have to look after them, how would we live? I have my son to consider so need to provide for him first and foremost......
However I'd have a bigger problem getting close to someone with a huge chip on their shoulder.
Don't bother trying to flame me, I really couldn't give a toss.
NotABlonde: Of course it matters. If the disability is severe and I have to look after them, how would we live? I have my son to consider so need to provide for him first and foremost......
However I'd have a bigger problem getting close to someone with a huge chip on their shoulder.
Don't bother trying to flame me, I really couldn't give a toss.
However I'd have a bigger problem getting close to someone with a huge chip on their shoulder.
Don't bother trying to flame me, I really couldn't give a toss.
Kim431: that should not matter about the extent of the disability, admit it you do not want to take care of that person. You are scared to get close to someone with a disability.
99% of people on CS are sympathetic to disabilities, because we realise that none of us are perfect.
You are not giving people a chance to get to know the real you.
You are lashing out because of your own pain. Ok so you got a raw deal from life, but you are alive, the first think you must do (if you want) is embrace the people who want to be your friends on here, let them know how hard it is to be you. Be an ambassador for all disabled people.
I am trying to be helpful but making a bit of a hash of it, sorry
Now that make sense daddy tom meow:
devil:
devil:
tomcatwarne: 99% of people on CS are sympathetic to disabilities, because we realise that none of us are perfect.
You are not giving people a chance to get to know the real you.
You are lashing out because of your own pain. Ok so you got a raw deal from life, but you are alive, the first think you must do (if you want) is embrace the people who want to be your friends on here, let them know how hard it is to be you. Be an ambassador for all disabled people.
I am trying to be helpful but making a bit of a hash of it, sorry
You are not giving people a chance to get to know the real you.
You are lashing out because of your own pain. Ok so you got a raw deal from life, but you are alive, the first think you must do (if you want) is embrace the people who want to be your friends on here, let them know how hard it is to be you. Be an ambassador for all disabled people.
I am trying to be helpful but making a bit of a hash of it, sorry
Migsy: Now that make sense daddy tom meow:
devil:
devil:
Kim431: that should not matter about the extent of the disability, admit it you do not want to take care of that person. You are scared to get close to someone with a disability.
Yes, I think its true we are sometimes scared to get close to someone with a disability. Different disabilities frighten different people in different ways.
I think we are sometimes scared because we lack the knowledge of how to deal with a certain disability, or care for someone with a disability.
But there are also many other things which are a factor as well, Kim. Someone may think you are the most beautiful person in the world, or think that I am. Others's will find neither of us attractive. Sometimes we just fancy the pants off someone and sometimes we don't. We just have to accept that not everyone will be attracted to us.
There maybe other people's commitments, or life-style choices. If someone feels they haven't the time, or strength to care for a disabled partner, then that's their choice. Its good they are honest, rather than making promises they can't keep. If someone simply doesn't want to be a carer, or deal with someone else's disability, that is also their choice. You can't force people to look after you, or live with you, or accept you, not any of us.
You mentioned your mother and the worry she has lived with seeing you go through so many surgeries. Maybe some people couldn't cope, or don't want to cope with that level of worry.
We can talk about the fear of disability, though, and maybe by learning from each other that fear will lessen.
Hey miss kim my mail is always open for you 
i would love to hear from you
i would love to hear from youtomcatwarne: 99% of people on CS are sympathetic to disabilities, because we realise that none of us are perfect.
You are not giving people a chance to get to know the real you.
You are lashing out because of your own pain. Ok so you got a raw deal from life, but you are alive, the first think you must do (if you want) is embrace the people who want to be your friends on here, let them know how hard it is to be you. Be an ambassador for all disabled people.
I am trying to be helpful but making a bit of a hash of it, sorry
You are not giving people a chance to get to know the real you.
You are lashing out because of your own pain. Ok so you got a raw deal from life, but you are alive, the first think you must do (if you want) is embrace the people who want to be your friends on here, let them know how hard it is to be you. Be an ambassador for all disabled people.
I am trying to be helpful but making a bit of a hash of it, sorry
Tomcat, You didn't make a hash of it at all, it was very well said, good on You.
NotABlonde: If I'm honest it would depend on the extent of the disability.
Me too.
My daughter and granddaughter are about to move into a home of their own for the first time, I have a university place lined up for next September and it will be three years of working for a living and studying before I qualify.
Right this moment, I would not want to be a full time carer, as I'm just coming to the end of nearly twenty years of being one. and I'm doing some stuff for me.
I would be happy to adapt to someone else's needs, however, or be with someone who is disabled, or unwell in some way if they were also independent in many ways.
In the future, who knows? Maybe I would be happy being a full-time carer again if once qualified, I could work from home.
jac379: Me too.
Ok, I'm gonna hide behind you when she comes back.
NotABlonde: Ok, I'm gonna hide behind you when she comes back.
Chicken!
jac379: Dammit, I'm probably a day too late to aking this question, but what are your coping stategies for dealing with not being able to facially express?
When my dog became profoundly deaf, we'd frequently communicate via facial expression. I hadn't realised until then quite how significant facial expression is - its shaped our evolution as well as our best friends'.
When he became blind as well, we were left with touch, including the vibrations caused by me tapping my foot, or banging a broom handle on the floor.
I would suggest the thing that hinders adaptation is the person's environment, both physically and emotionally. If the world is full of steps it disables the wheelchair user; if the world is full of fear it disables the different; if the world is full of boxes, there's little space left outside them for creativity.
When my dog became profoundly deaf, we'd frequently communicate via facial expression. I hadn't realised until then quite how significant facial expression is - its shaped our evolution as well as our best friends'.
When he became blind as well, we were left with touch, including the vibrations caused by me tapping my foot, or banging a broom handle on the floor.
I would suggest the thing that hinders adaptation is the person's environment, both physically and emotionally. If the world is full of steps it disables the wheelchair user; if the world is full of fear it disables the different; if the world is full of boxes, there's little space left outside them for creativity.
jac379: Ahaa, now I have a clearer picture about how you feel.
The woman who created this thread was asking because she has a disability. She has the right to ask questions like this for herself. She wanted to know the answer.
Yes, some people have said they wouldn't date someone with a disability, but that means we can ask, "Why not?"
The more we talk about disability, the more people will understand what its like to have a disability. The more people understand, the less likely they are to say bad things about people with disabilities.
You, as a disabled woman, have an opportunity to tell us what its been like for you and how you feel. You have the opportunity to educate people all over the world about your particular disability through this forum.
Make use of it! Try and a find a good way which reaches out to people, please? It will be better for all of us.
that is what I tried to say all along without spelling out, I know you know how to read between the lines, yes I am disabled my profile picture proves it.The woman who created this thread was asking because she has a disability. She has the right to ask questions like this for herself. She wanted to know the answer.
Yes, some people have said they wouldn't date someone with a disability, but that means we can ask, "Why not?"
The more we talk about disability, the more people will understand what its like to have a disability. The more people understand, the less likely they are to say bad things about people with disabilities.
You, as a disabled woman, have an opportunity to tell us what its been like for you and how you feel. You have the opportunity to educate people all over the world about your particular disability through this forum.
Make use of it! Try and a find a good way which reaches out to people, please? It will be better for all of us.
as someone with a disability that limits him somewhat i would say that women who would willingly take on a disabled man are not legion.they exist but are not the majority.oftentimes it's a matter of logistics.
I would marry someone with a disability... But not if they were missing a few fingers or an arm D:
I really like hands and I just can't imagine someone snuggling me from behind DX with an arm over my chest and then look down to see he only has 2 fingers.. Ahhhhhh...... :( but if I fell in love with a man who only had 5 or 7 fingers total.. I would love him.. I'd just have issues seeing the hand
I really like hands and I just can't imagine someone snuggling me from behind DX with an arm over my chest and then look down to see he only has 2 fingers.. Ahhhhhh...... :( but if I fell in love with a man who only had 5 or 7 fingers total.. I would love him.. I'd just have issues seeing the hand
Kim431: that is what I tried to say all along without spelling out, I know you know how to read between the lines, yes I am disabled my profile picture proves it.
When we are talking to each other on the internet, we can't see each other getting upset, or angry, or laughing. We really do have to spell things out to make ourselves clear.
I can try reading between the lines. I can try guessing what its like for you, but I don't know what its like to live with your abilities and disabilties. I only know what its like to live with my abilities and disabilities. My guesses about yours would probably be all wrong.
If you would like to explain how you feel and what its like to live your life maybe you could spell it out to us a little bit at a time, by joining in the conversation with us?
You have every right to be angry if you have been treated badly because of you disability, but getting angry at people having a conversation about disabilities doesn't help anyone to learn.
We can express our anger simply by saying, "What you've just said makes me feel angry" and then explain why it makes you feel angry.
NotABlonde: Of course it matters. If the disability is severe and I have to look after them, how would we live? I have my son to consider so need to provide for him first and foremost......
However I'd have a bigger problem getting close to someone with a huge chip on their shoulder.
Don't bother trying to flame me, I really couldn't give a toss.
if you care about them it should not matter and you had read the long blog I left earlier today you would know that I am trying to get across that if you do not give us a chance then that is your fault you are too scared to get close to a disabled person, you did not read that post that I left so who has a chip on their shoulder I said I was sorry that it was only the people who said no to be friends or getting married to a disabled person, those are the ones I really am not happy with and to be honest notablonde that is a real shame but in any case good luck anyway, oh and you can even ask justjim about that long post I left too bad you were not on when I did leave it, you would not feel the way you do. At least that is not my loss.However I'd have a bigger problem getting close to someone with a huge chip on their shoulder.
Don't bother trying to flame me, I really couldn't give a toss.
jac379: When we are talking to each other on the internet, we can't see each other getting upset, or angry, or laughing. We really do have to spell things out to make ourselves clear.
I can try reading between the lines. I can try guessing what its like for you, but I don't know what its like to live with your abilities and disabilties. I only know what its like to live with my abilities and disabilities. My guesses about yours would probably be all wrong.
If you would like to explain how you feel and what its like to live your life maybe you could spell it out to us a little bit at a time, by joining in the conversation with us?
You have every right to be angry if you have been treated badly because of you disability, but getting angry at people having a conversation about disabilities doesn't help anyone to learn.
We can express our anger simply by saying, "What you've just said makes me feel angry" and then explain why it makes you feel angry.
Jac I have explained why it upsets me when other people refuse to give us a chance, it is not fair to us or them because they choose to ignore us or to talk behind our back, laugh at us or tease us or to even ask 1000 questions (kids) do that and it hurts.I can try reading between the lines. I can try guessing what its like for you, but I don't know what its like to live with your abilities and disabilties. I only know what its like to live with my abilities and disabilities. My guesses about yours would probably be all wrong.
If you would like to explain how you feel and what its like to live your life maybe you could spell it out to us a little bit at a time, by joining in the conversation with us?
You have every right to be angry if you have been treated badly because of you disability, but getting angry at people having a conversation about disabilities doesn't help anyone to learn.
We can express our anger simply by saying, "What you've just said makes me feel angry" and then explain why it makes you feel angry.
Kim431: Jac I have explained why it upsets me when other people refuse to give us a chance, it is not fair to us or them because they choose to ignore us or to talk behind our back, laugh at us or tease us or to even ask 1000 questions (kids) do that and it hurts and not only that but you all can see my picture it is the real thing, I am real as real as I come..
Kim431: Jac I have explained why it upsets me when other people refuse to give us a chance, it is not fair to us or them because they choose to ignore us or to talk behind our back, laugh at us or tease us or to even ask 1000 questions (kids) do that and it hurts.
I wouldn't expect everyone to give me a chance. If someone doesn't fancy me, like what I say, if someone thinks I'm too much trouble because I'm partially dependent upon lip-reading, or doesn't like it that I don't drive a car, that's just the way it is. Nothing I can do about it. I can't force people to want to be friends, or have a relationship with me. All I can do is try and be nice enough so I can make and keep friends.
I'm one of those people who asks a thousand questions about everything. I realise some people find that annoying, but how can I learn about things, or understand things unless I ask questions? Asking questions about each other is a way of becoming close - I call that emotional intimacy.
What kind of teasing are you talking about? I tease just about everyone if I can get away with it. Its kind of a gentle way of flirting, or making friends in British culture.
Japtas: Curious
Hey japtas,....would you? Curious?
Kim431: if you care about them it should not matter and you had read the long blog I left earlier today you would know that I am trying to get across that if you do not give us a chance then that is your fault you are too scared to get close to a disabled person, you did not read that post that I left so who has a chip on their shoulder I said I was sorry that it was only the people who said no to be friends or getting married to a disabled person, those are the ones I really am not happy with and to be honest notablonde that is a real shame but in any case good luck anyway, oh and you can even ask justjim about that long post I left too bad you were not on when I did leave it, you would not feel the way you do. At least that is not my loss.
The point being I wouldn't care about them that way because I wouldn't be close to them.....same as i wouldn't be close to the man at the bus stop who is probably perfectly dateable, but doesn't interest me.
What you're saying is I should go out of my way to discriminate favourably towards a disabled person. Why would they need me to? I'm sure there is someone out there for everyone and I know for certain I wouldn't have the patience to be with a severely disabled person....that's neither their problem nor mine, it's simply a fact.
I read every post in the thread, none of them made me think I should treat someone differently BECAUSE they have a disability. I'd choose who I married based on lots of things, our ability to make each other happy being one of the main criteria. There are lots of supposedly normal people I also wouldn't date for various reasons, I wouldn't "give them a chance" either.
Stop trying to make everyone appear discriminating, we're really not.
It is going to be interesting as we now have a lot of soldiers returning from the war (or action or whatever we are calling it) and have healing injuries -
I don't think of any of them as disabled. of course they are too young for me to date, however if I was younger and they were Scottish, I would.
I don't think of any of them as disabled. of course they are too young for me to date, however if I was younger and they were Scottish, I would.
JeanKimberley: and they were Scottish, I would.
NotABlonde: The point being I wouldn't care about them that way because I wouldn't be close to them.....same as i wouldn't be close to the man at the bus stop who is probably perfectly dateable, but doesn't interest me.
What you're saying is I should go out of my way to discriminate favourably towards a disabled person. Why would they need me to? I'm sure there is someone out there for everyone and I know for certain I wouldn't have the patience to be with a severely disabled person....that's neither their problem nor mine, it's simply a fact.
I read every post in the thread, none of them made me think I should treat someone differently BECAUSE they have a disability. I'd choose who I married based on lots of things, our ability to make each other happy being one of the main criteria. There are lots of supposedly normal people I also wouldn't date for various reasons, I wouldn't "give them a chance" either.
Stop trying to make everyone appear discriminating, we're really not.
you know darn well I am not doing that, I am say that a disabled person needs a chance as much as an baled body person does, you are scared to get close to a disabled man as well as an baled body man who is not disabled, people should give each other a chance disabled and baled body alike we are ALL human beings and should be treated as such, not like animals. I do not know what you are scared of but, you are scared of something.What you're saying is I should go out of my way to discriminate favourably towards a disabled person. Why would they need me to? I'm sure there is someone out there for everyone and I know for certain I wouldn't have the patience to be with a severely disabled person....that's neither their problem nor mine, it's simply a fact.
I read every post in the thread, none of them made me think I should treat someone differently BECAUSE they have a disability. I'd choose who I married based on lots of things, our ability to make each other happy being one of the main criteria. There are lots of supposedly normal people I also wouldn't date for various reasons, I wouldn't "give them a chance" either.
Stop trying to make everyone appear discriminating, we're really not.
Kim431: you know darn well I am not doing that, I am say that a disabled person needs a chance as much as an baled body person does, you are scared to get close to a disabled man as well as an baled body man who is not disabled, people should give each other a chance disabled and baled body alike we are ALL human beings and should be treated as such, not like animals. I do not know what you are scared of but, you are scared of something.
Lol.
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