Would you marry someone with a handicap/disability (159)
EratoTheMuse: Automatically? maybe not....I just know I have enough on my plate in that regard. Is it a crime to say....I have enough on my plate and wouldn't wish to take on more? It's honesty....crucify me for not lying and pretending it wouldn't matter lol
It was a genuine question, not a judgement, Muse.
Here's my train of thought: The word 'disability' may cover a wide spectrum of differences. I fall into the dyslexic/dyspraxic/possibly a few Asperger's traits model which is widely refered to as being 'learning disabled'.
I've secured a post-grad place for this coming September. I don't feel particularly disabled. I just see things differently to the majority, maybe think differently, that sort of thing. It has its advantages, as well as its drawbacks, just like other people's abilities.
I can see how having a 'disability' can be stressful as environments and attitudes can be discriminating (my daughter went through hell in school because of discrimination and ignorance regarding learning differences), but for many people adapting to a world which is disabled isn't too stressful.
I can see where you're coming from, I think, but isn't it possible that someone who is differently abled might actually be more compatible to your life-style as they might have greater skills and knowledge to support you supporting your son?
Just a thought to try and throw this subject open to more in depth and productive discussion.
When you put it like that yes I see what you mean. It certainly does depend on the disability. I still think.....if I'm being honest with myself, that any extra disability or challenge in my world would be something I may not be equipped to handle.
I was on another dating site some months back and was contacted by a gentleman who wished to meet with me. He first suggested a motorbike ride (first meet?) to which I was not ready for, then he suggested taking our kids (his and mine) somewhere. But he has...two autistic boys. That was a deal breaker for me, simply because of my own son. Imagine having a relationship with 3 disabled kids in the mix? It's not me, I may be strong but I'm not that strong. And it would be the same with a partner having a disability.
If my circumstances were different then no doubt my answer would be different.
I was on another dating site some months back and was contacted by a gentleman who wished to meet with me. He first suggested a motorbike ride (first meet?) to which I was not ready for, then he suggested taking our kids (his and mine) somewhere. But he has...two autistic boys. That was a deal breaker for me, simply because of my own son. Imagine having a relationship with 3 disabled kids in the mix? It's not me, I may be strong but I'm not that strong. And it would be the same with a partner having a disability.
If my circumstances were different then no doubt my answer would be different.
EratoTheMuse: When you put it like that yes I see what you mean. It certainly does depend on the disability. I still think.....if I'm being honest with myself, that any extra disability or challenge in my world would be something I may not be equipped to handle.
I was on another dating site some months back and was contacted by a gentleman who wished to meet with me. He first suggested a motorbike ride (first meet?) to which I was not ready for, then he suggested taking our kids (his and mine) somewhere. But he has...two autistic boys. That was a deal breaker for me, simply because of my own son. Imagine having a relationship with 3 disabled kids in the mix? It's not me, I may be strong but I'm not that strong. And it would be the same with a partner having a disability.
If my circumstances were different then no doubt my answer would be different.
I was on another dating site some months back and was contacted by a gentleman who wished to meet with me. He first suggested a motorbike ride (first meet?) to which I was not ready for, then he suggested taking our kids (his and mine) somewhere. But he has...two autistic boys. That was a deal breaker for me, simply because of my own son. Imagine having a relationship with 3 disabled kids in the mix? It's not me, I may be strong but I'm not that strong. And it would be the same with a partner having a disability.
If my circumstances were different then no doubt my answer would be different.
There's a hereditary elemrnt to autism (as with all learning differences).
Hmmm...not twigging the wider picture that a bike ride might not be appropriate for a first date...?
Happen you should trust your instincts about how much you can realistically take on. The thought of four fellas all doing their own thing in their own way sounds a bit much to me, too.
lol well hereditary doesn't concern me as I cannot have and do not want any more kids anyway. And I'm actually not looking for a relationship with anyone at this stage, or maybe ever.
Well no, a motorbike ride as a first meet didn't seem appealing to me at all. I'm not that much into bikes to start with, and it didn't feel safe to me....I would be totally in someone elses hands and as a first meet with a stranger?....I'd rather I had some element of control...or at least a get away option lol
Well no, a motorbike ride as a first meet didn't seem appealing to me at all. I'm not that much into bikes to start with, and it didn't feel safe to me....I would be totally in someone elses hands and as a first meet with a stranger?....I'd rather I had some element of control...or at least a get away option lol
both sides have their points of view.i believe the physically handicapped are one of the few minority groups who are,to some degree.marginalized.the handicapped just want to live their lives.
EratoTheMuse: I know what you mean Dobe. My son is an angel...for the most part. His air of innocence certainly makes people fall in love with him in an instant. And I know any parent of a disabled child will say the same when they say they are our angels, our gifts and we learn SO much from them.
But every parent of a disabled or handicapped child will also tell you that it comes with a tonne of sacrifices, a truckload of extra challenges and at times....undeniable stress.
My comment or response is purely me being totally honest with myself. I simply know my limits and they're stretched. I also don't say things I don't mean to placate feelings or avoid someone potentially taking offence to the truth. Truth is....I'm far from a shallow person but I sat down and really looked at this question and asked myself..would I?....and I also expected myself to be honest about it. If that entails people jumping on me for it then so be it.
But every parent of a disabled or handicapped child will also tell you that it comes with a tonne of sacrifices, a truckload of extra challenges and at times....undeniable stress.
My comment or response is purely me being totally honest with myself. I simply know my limits and they're stretched. I also don't say things I don't mean to placate feelings or avoid someone potentially taking offence to the truth. Truth is....I'm far from a shallow person but I sat down and really looked at this question and asked myself..would I?....and I also expected myself to be honest about it. If that entails people jumping on me for it then so be it.
Yes, I know about the stress. My Aunt has been through alot all of my Cousin's life. But the recent illness has been a stress and also you just hate to know she suffers from pain. She can be a pill. But everyone manages.
I think everyone should have their own opinion like you have. I think your opinion is more understandable than people who just say no without any thought.
The Dobe
EratoTheMuse: lol well hereditary doesn't concern me as I cannot have and do not want any more kids anyway. And I'm actually not looking for a relationship with anyone at this stage, or maybe ever.
Well no, a motorbike ride as a first meet didn't seem appealing to me at all. I'm not that much into bikes to start with, and it didn't feel safe to me....I would be totally in someone elses hands and as a first meet with a stranger?....I'd rather I had some element of control...or at least a get away option lol
Well no, a motorbike ride as a first meet didn't seem appealing to me at all. I'm not that much into bikes to start with, and it didn't feel safe to me....I would be totally in someone elses hands and as a first meet with a stranger?....I'd rather I had some element of control...or at least a get away option lol
Think that one through again, Muse.
There is a hereditary element and both his sons have inherited it. Is the penny dropping yet? Who did they inherit the autism from?
Maybe I've got this wrong, but I can see an Aspergic train of thought that goes something like, "...but I'm perfectly safe. Why would anyone anyone want to harm their date anyway? That would defeat the object of the exercise...
"You do need to think a bit differently around people with learning differences because our logic and organisational skills can be different. My daughter drives me mental sometimes and I constantly have to remind myself, "Think how she thinks". Her memory appears to be organised totally differently from mine - she can't for the life of her remember a list of instructions more than one instruction long, but she's been able to draw a self portrait from memory since the age of 12. She thinks in colours and pictures, rather than in words.
It does take a certain compatibility to adapt to other's needs, I agree. I could probably thoroughly enjoy all sorts of differences in the way people think, but the slightest sign that someone might not be able to detect their own nose running and I might be off.
I do realise this is not an impressive trait of mine and nothing, but my own problem. I have to be very attached to someone to cope with their greeners. (Did I tell you about the time my granddaughter swiped a glob of snot off of face and threw it in the bath with me...?)
Migsy: I didnt say something to avoid arguement ,i never judge you if u have that kind of disorder,ive just said if mental disability no what i meant if someone is psycho or serial killer etc.if i offended u i do apologise
Apology greatfully accepted Migsy, i think i misunderstood your comment.
Kaybee50: I would love to say "Yes" to this question, but I suppose it depends on what it is.
My last serious relationship, I thought he was the "One". The first few months were nothing short of the stuff that novels are written about. And then from one day to the next, he changed radically. He would withdraw from me physically and emotionally for a week or two at a time. It was confusing, took a hit on my self-esteem, and it was madness trying to make sense out of something that didn't make sense.
After a week or two, he'd be "Himself" again and everything is rosy again, until he would drop out on me again. This cycle lasted for several months, our relationship deteroriated, I was in such pain and it got to the point that when he was Himself again, it was just too painful to brush it all under the rug.
He was on meds for depression, but I've known enough people with bi-polar disorder to believe this is what was going on. I loved him and it took quite some time, and a whole lot of courage, to go on a date after that.
My last serious relationship, I thought he was the "One". The first few months were nothing short of the stuff that novels are written about. And then from one day to the next, he changed radically. He would withdraw from me physically and emotionally for a week or two at a time. It was confusing, took a hit on my self-esteem, and it was madness trying to make sense out of something that didn't make sense.
After a week or two, he'd be "Himself" again and everything is rosy again, until he would drop out on me again. This cycle lasted for several months, our relationship deteroriated, I was in such pain and it got to the point that when he was Himself again, it was just too painful to brush it all under the rug.
He was on meds for depression, but I've known enough people with bi-polar disorder to believe this is what was going on. I loved him and it took quite some time, and a whole lot of courage, to go on a date after that.
All of us develope some kind of disability as we get older... We either start losing our memory, become incontinent, or impotent, or maybe even have to start walking with a walking stick. That is when you have to rely on more than just your physical attributes to keep your partner interested. True love is the joining of 2 "souls" the type of love that lasts long after our physical bodies die, the deepest love of all
Japtas: Curious
Hi folks, i must say i'm a little dismayed by some of the comments in regards to this thread, in particular some of the ones regarding mental illness. Before i went to war i was a "normal" well adjusted individual, i came back a changed person, war does that to some people, more than most realise. However because i developed PTSD am i to be put into the box marked "not for personal involvement" i mean sure i have a psychiatric condition but it's not one where i have a predisposition to ruining relationships, i'm aware of my condition and how it affects me, i'm also aware of the possible implications it may have on personal relationships, but having this insight means that i work harder to ensure i do all that i can to mitigate any of the negative aspects of my condition. Physically i'm 100% mentally and i don't mean cognitively i'm probably 95%. I'm pretty normal really, i just have a lable attatched to me that's all. It's not tattooed on my forehead and if i wasn't open and honest about it you wouldn't even know the difference. Please folks don't pre-judge people,you may just be missing out on something wonderful by doing it.
Migsy: I meant disorder not syndrome
Hi
You know, about 4 or 5 years ago, coffee drinkers and cigarette smokers were included in the psychiatric handbook/manual (which is good in the US and Europe, not sure about Asia) as having an "addictive" personality disorder? It's in the 350-something code section.Mental illness is big business and one needs to be careful to differentiate between genuine mental illness and those diagnoses/definitions that serve other purposes (i.e. denial of insurance claims, exclusions as witnesses in court, etc.).
pinay_survivor: You're lovable for me ...
My answer, yes.
Japtas, sorry, I was not clear - what did you think? Yes or No(why)
Maybe it would be good to say yes(why).
The Dobe
Maybe it would be good to say yes(why).
The Dobe
Ms.scuba hi yes same with asia,but i am not familiar about medical world so i cant reply to your post:-)ty for the info:-)
Migsy: Ms.scuba hi yes same with asia,but i am not familiar about medical world so i cant reply to your post:-)ty for the info:-)
Hi Migsy, I also don't know much about medical stuff, so no problem
Absolutely, If you really love someone, you will look beyond their handicap and see that person for who they really are. After all everyone has some form of handicap/disability. People should be loved for who they are and not be looked down upon!!
GoDaniel: Absolutely, If you really love someone, you will look beyond their handicap and see that person for who they really are. After all everyone has some form of handicap/disability. People should be loved for who they are and not be looked down upon!!
Japtas: Curious
Everyone has a right to be loved too.Sure I would.
I would like to applaud all the comments posted on this thread. It is my belief that this discussion can prove to be enlightening to some as well as beneficial to others and, if I may be so bold, suggest that opinions aired on this post should not be viewed as antagonistic or offensive but rather as welcomed discourse from the diversity that makes life so exciting. The question raised appears to be impossible to answer definitively due to the great variety of maladies that might be considered a handicap or disability, the differences between mental and physical limitations and, most obviously, the severity of the condition. I am paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair for over forty years – formerly from West Virginia, USA, and currently enjoying a tropical paradise in the Kingdom of Thailand – and have found, over the years of traveling to quite a few truly amazing places, that prejudices do in fact exist but see no reason why misconceptions should detract from or adversely affect the ability to love and to be loved. We are all unique and for each and every one of us there is an ideal counterpart. I would like to invite everyone to avoid prejudgments and assumptions and take a moment to see the distinctive qualities and encourage anyone with a perceived imperfection to continue cheerfully optimistic in the search for what the heart desires. An unacceptable aspect for one person is of no consequence to another person and, with the possibility of worldwide communication at the stroke of a finger, it staggers the mind to think of the opportunity available to find a love surpassing all dreams. Perhaps it is safe to say that I, as well as most people, can find love and happiness in marriage with a person who is considered to be disabled by some but it is entirely dependent upon the individual and upon the circumstances involved.
Respectfully summited with the hope that the discussion continues….
Respectfully summited with the hope that the discussion continues….
KoratThailand: I would like to applaud all the comments posted on this thread. It is my belief that this discussion can prove to be enlightening to some as well as beneficial to others and, if I may be so bold, suggest that opinions aired on this post should not be viewed as antagonistic or offensive but rather as welcomed discourse from the diversity that makes life so exciting. The question raised appears to be impossible to answer definitively due to the great variety of maladies that might be considered a handicap or disability, the differences between mental and physical limitations and, most obviously, the severity of the condition. I am paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair for over forty years – formerly from West Virginia, USA, and currently enjoying a tropical paradise in the Kingdom of Thailand – and have found, over the years of traveling to quite a few truly amazing places, that prejudices do in fact exist but see no reason why misconceptions should detract from or adversely affect the ability to love and to be loved. We are all unique and for each and every one of us there is an ideal counterpart. I would like to invite everyone to avoid prejudgments and assumptions and take a moment to see the distinctive qualities and encourage anyone with a perceived imperfection to continue cheerfully optimistic in the search for what the heart desires. An unacceptable aspect for one person is of no consequence to another person and, with the possibility of worldwide communication at the stroke of a finger, it staggers the mind to think of the opportunity available to find a love surpassing all dreams. Perhaps it is safe to say that I, as well as most people, can find love and happiness in marriage with a person who is considered to be disabled by some but it is entirely dependent upon the individual and upon the circumstances involved.
Respectfully summited with the hope that the discussion continues….
Respectfully summited with the hope that the discussion continues….
Excellent post thankyou for your first hand insight into this subject.
ze]yes shure I do I I have no problem with dat I c hour self the same human been it jus dat all of us can't perfect but I c my self with one
Would you marry someone with a handicap/disability
Depends upon who they are.
Depends upon who they are.
online today!online today!pisceslady7Kincumber nr. Gosford, New South Wales Australia21 Threads 4 Polls 1,910 Postspurr4mance: Would you marry someone with a handicap/disability
Depends upon who they are.
Depends upon who they are.
So true!!
KoratThailand: I would like to applaud all the comments posted on this thread. It is my belief that this discussion can prove to be enlightening to some as well as beneficial to others and, if I may be so bold, suggest that opinions aired on this post should not be viewed as antagonistic or offensive but rather as welcomed discourse from the diversity that makes life so exciting. The question raised appears to be impossible to answer definitively due to the great variety of maladies that might be considered a handicap or disability, the differences between mental and physical limitations and, most obviously, the severity of the condition. I am paraplegic and confined to a wheelchair for over forty years – formerly from West Virginia, USA, and currently enjoying a tropical paradise in the Kingdom of Thailand – and have found, over the years of traveling to quite a few truly amazing places, that prejudices do in fact exist but see no reason why misconceptions should detract from or adversely affect the ability to love and to be loved. We are all unique and for each and every one of us there is an ideal counterpart. I would like to invite everyone to avoid prejudgments and assumptions and take a moment to see the distinctive qualities and encourage anyone with a perceived imperfection to continue cheerfully optimistic in the search for what the heart desires. An unacceptable aspect for one person is of no consequence to another person and, with the possibility of worldwide communication at the stroke of a finger, it staggers the mind to think of the opportunity available to find a love surpassing all dreams. Perhaps it is safe to say that I, as well as most people, can find love and happiness in marriage with a person who is considered to be disabled by some but it is entirely dependent upon the individual and upon the circumstances involved.
Respectfully summited with the hope that the discussion continues….
Respectfully summited with the hope that the discussion continues….
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As for your situation, your stand is understandable. I recently saw a child in a wheelchair. He was the sweetest kid. I'm not sure what was wrong. But he won the hearts of the waitresses and mine. I was able to say hello to him and he smiled. I almost cried, he touched me so.
I hope you get some relief from your stress.
I have a Cousin A who was not given enough air at birth and is challenged. She also touches me with her personality, I can't believe she is 40 something. She likes to knit, loves cats, etc. She is also diabetic, and has a rare disease where calcium forms on top of your skin. It prevents alot of movement. They have finally found someone who has done research on this disease to help her. Just why did all of this have to happen to her?
She does have a gift. You tell her someone's birthday. If you ask her what day was the person's birthday 7 years ago, she knows the answer, and tells you. She has not been wrong yet.
The Dobe
I know what you mean Dobe. My son is an angel...for the most part. His air of innocence certainly makes people fall in love with him in an instant. And I know any parent of a disabled child will say the same when they say they are our angels, our gifts and we learn SO much from them.
But every parent of a disabled or handicapped child will also tell you that it comes with a tonne of sacrifices, a truckload of extra challenges and at times....undeniable stress.
My comment or response is purely me being totally honest with myself. I simply know my limits and they're stretched. I also don't say things I don't mean to placate feelings or avoid someone potentially taking offence to the truth. Truth is....I'm far from a shallow person but I sat down and really looked at this question and asked myself..would I?....and I also expected myself to be honest about it. If that entails people jumping on me for it then so be it.