Should you back away from your married love even if he doesn't love his wife (88)
HexagonKeySet: Hard to say anything in a thread like this without sounding negative or judgemental.
I think TA that you probably realise it was a mistake ever to get involved with a married man in the first place, and I suspect that nothing that anyone posts here is going to make any difference at all.
What puzzles me though is that you're involved with this man yet you;re here on a 'singles' site when the reality is that you ARE in a 'committed relationship' even if the commitment is not all that you want it to be?
How on earth can you hope to move into a relationship with another man (which you say you want) when your head's all messed up on account of the married guy that you are already involved with?
I ask this as an 'interested party' having myself once begun to date a woman who claimed to be single but was in fact still involved in a relationship with a married man in the same way that you are?
You're asking for a man who is loyal and not a player, yet, in my opinion you're not being honest with yourself, you're not being loyal to the man with whom you are with in your affair relationship and you're being dishonest to the man's wife?
I'm not supporting him either here... if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it.
The key to resolution (or not) in this situation is solely in your own hands.
Accept your lot as The Mistress and cease trying to deceive other men or else quit being The Mistress and take some time out for yourself to heal ...
Taking another man 'on the rebound' simply to comfort yourself in loneliness is not honest.
You can thank me later as I'm sure I'll 'draw fire' here and be shot down in flames now
;)
I think TA that you probably realise it was a mistake ever to get involved with a married man in the first place, and I suspect that nothing that anyone posts here is going to make any difference at all.
What puzzles me though is that you're involved with this man yet you;re here on a 'singles' site when the reality is that you ARE in a 'committed relationship' even if the commitment is not all that you want it to be?
How on earth can you hope to move into a relationship with another man (which you say you want) when your head's all messed up on account of the married guy that you are already involved with?
I ask this as an 'interested party' having myself once begun to date a woman who claimed to be single but was in fact still involved in a relationship with a married man in the same way that you are?
You're asking for a man who is loyal and not a player, yet, in my opinion you're not being honest with yourself, you're not being loyal to the man with whom you are with in your affair relationship and you're being dishonest to the man's wife?
I'm not supporting him either here... if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it.
The key to resolution (or not) in this situation is solely in your own hands.
Accept your lot as The Mistress and cease trying to deceive other men or else quit being The Mistress and take some time out for yourself to heal ...
Taking another man 'on the rebound' simply to comfort yourself in loneliness is not honest.
You can thank me later as I'm sure I'll 'draw fire' here and be shot down in flames now
;)
Very good post
Nice
No flame thrower here.
No flame thrower here.
HexagonKeySet: Hard to say anything in a thread like this without sounding negative or judgemental.
I think TA that you probably realise it was a mistake ever to get involved with a married man in the first place, and I suspect that nothing that anyone posts here is going to make any difference at all.
What puzzles me though is that you're involved with this man yet you;re here on a 'singles' site when the reality is that you ARE in a 'committed relationship' even if the commitment is not all that you want it to be?
How on earth can you hope to move into a relationship with another man (which you say you want) when your head's all messed up on account of the married guy that you are already involved with?
I ask this as an 'interested party' having myself once begun to date a woman who claimed to be single but was in fact still involved in a relationship with a married man in the same way that you are?
You're asking for a man who is loyal and not a player, yet, in my opinion you're not being honest with yourself, you're not being loyal to the man with whom you are with in your affair relationship and you're being dishonest to the man's wife?
I'm not supporting him either here... if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it.
The key to resolution (or not) in this situation is solely in your own hands.
Accept your lot as The Mistress and cease trying to deceive other men or else quit being The Mistress and take some time out for yourself to heal ...
Taking another man 'on the rebound' simply to comfort yourself in loneliness is not honest.
You can thank me later as I'm sure I'll 'draw fire' here and be shot down in flames now
;)
I think TA that you probably realise it was a mistake ever to get involved with a married man in the first place, and I suspect that nothing that anyone posts here is going to make any difference at all.
What puzzles me though is that you're involved with this man yet you;re here on a 'singles' site when the reality is that you ARE in a 'committed relationship' even if the commitment is not all that you want it to be?
How on earth can you hope to move into a relationship with another man (which you say you want) when your head's all messed up on account of the married guy that you are already involved with?
I ask this as an 'interested party' having myself once begun to date a woman who claimed to be single but was in fact still involved in a relationship with a married man in the same way that you are?
You're asking for a man who is loyal and not a player, yet, in my opinion you're not being honest with yourself, you're not being loyal to the man with whom you are with in your affair relationship and you're being dishonest to the man's wife?
I'm not supporting him either here... if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it.
The key to resolution (or not) in this situation is solely in your own hands.
Accept your lot as The Mistress and cease trying to deceive other men or else quit being The Mistress and take some time out for yourself to heal ...
Taking another man 'on the rebound' simply to comfort yourself in loneliness is not honest.
You can thank me later as I'm sure I'll 'draw fire' here and be shot down in flames now
;)
HexagonKeySet: .....
I'm not supporting him either here...
if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it....
I'm not supporting him either here...
if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it....
Cyn_Real: back to the motivation...lolol...some women will do everything to gain a higher social status, including being a mistress....some can perform their roles better...cheating is genderless.. but, being number 2 in every aspects is a quite hard choice... LOL... if we can get the greater, why should we settle to the lesser ??? and the greater itself is not always a single rich man...LOL...JMO...
of course you can think that way or any other way; but when you think about it, the greatest is to be and know love within, then all else is not even remotely comparable.
BB_snickers: Actually, for me this is part of being honest and open. I don't do relationships without clear guidelines and acknowledgement prior to involvement.
I woud expand on that to say still we don't understand ourselves, tending to believe the fairy tales, promoting the selfishness and indulging the fallacies to attain the illusory ideal.
Meh, you could join facebook and befriend everyone as if somehow the excessive numbers make one the better person.
I woud expand on that to say still we don't understand ourselves, tending to believe the fairy tales, promoting the selfishness and indulging the fallacies to attain the illusory ideal.
Meh, you could join facebook and befriend everyone as if somehow the excessive numbers make one the better person.
Being honest and open is difficult for some people. Often they focus on their endorphin rush upon initial interest and this leads to mixed messages.
I agree with individuals having illusions. They often hold a 'perfect person' in their mind. It's a hard ideal for someone to compete with, when you enter the arena and you are not that ideal the person has in their mind.
No relationship will come without it's own set of issues. The fact that someone leaves the toilet seat up or down, the fact the toothpaste lid is permanently off... These small things seem cute to begin with , but later... you find a building resentment because they bother you. But this ... is common knowledge.
You are correct, I could start collecting friends... but that's not really my forte. Being popular was never on my list of desires.
However, IF you decide to take the challenge up... I promise I will try to follow in your footsteps. 
Abagail: Being honest and open is difficult for some people. Often they focus on their endorphin rush upon initial interest and this leads to mixed messages.
I agree with individuals having illusions. They often hold a 'perfect person' in their mind. It's a hard ideal for someone to compete with, when you enter the arena and you are not that ideal the person has in their mind.
I agree with individuals having illusions. They often hold a 'perfect person' in their mind. It's a hard ideal for someone to compete with, when you enter the arena and you are not that ideal the person has in their mind.
No relationship will come without it's own set of issues. The fact that someone leaves the toilet seat up or down, the fact the toothpaste lid is permanently off... These small things seem cute to begin with , but later... you find a building resentment because they bother you. But this ... is common knowledge.
You are correct, I could start collecting friends... but that's not really my forte. Being popular was never on my list of desires. However, IF you decide to take the challenge up... I promise I will try to follow in your footsteps.
Yeah, being honest and open is difficult. Especially with one's self. I think people tend to look outside self to verify what is honest or not, instead of perusing their own thoughts for fallacious thinking patterns or delusional preconceptions. Oddly the last person we heed is our own honest self and really that's where 'everything' happens.
The more we hide self truth, the less we believe in another's truth. That in itself makes being honest with others difficult and somewhat unrewarding because they're already caught up in suspicions, dubious self esteem and self doubt. That manifests in the relationship as doubting a partner; so your truth has little chance of being real to them. Then it becomes self fulfilling prophecy for them and blah blah, the never ending circle of mistrust.
I think pursuing an endorphin rush is a good thing when one understands that they are doing it and then do it without attaching all manner of back stories.
Honest, the toilet is in pieces. Not sure where the seat is now as I'm renovating. Needless to say the toothpaste is in absentia as well.
I have 23 on FB, but admittedly most are relatives. Score!
Oops, my bad.
Yeah, being honest and open is difficult. Especially with one's self. I think people tend to look outside self to verify what is honest or not, instead of perusing their own thoughts for fallacious thinking patterns or delusional preconceptions. Oddly the last person we heed is our own honest self and really that's where 'everything' happens.
The more we hide self truth, the less we believe in another's truth. That in itself makes being honest with others difficult and somewhat unrewarding because they're already caught up in suspicions, dubious self esteem and self doubt. That manifests in the relationship as doubting a partner; so your truth has little chance of being real to them. Then it becomes self fulfilling prophecy for them and blah blah, the never ending circle of mistrust.
I think pursuing an endorphin rush is a good thing when one understands that they are doing it and then do it without attaching all manner of back stories.
Honest, the toilet is in pieces. Not sure where the seat is now as I'm renovating. Needless to say the toothpaste is in absentia as well.
I have 23 on FB, but admittedly most are relatives. Score!
Abagail: Being honest and open is difficult for some people. Often they focus on their endorphin rush upon initial interest and this leads to mixed messages.
I agree with individuals having illusions. They often hold a 'perfect person' in their mind. It's a hard ideal for someone to compete with, when you enter the arena and you are not that ideal the person has in their mind.
No relationship will come without it's own set of issues. The fact that someone leaves the toilet seat up or down, the fact the toothpaste lid is permanently off... These small things seem cute to begin with , but later... you find a building resentment because they bother you. But this ... is common knowledge.
You are correct, I could start collecting friends... but that's not really my forte. Being popular was never on my list of desires. However, IF you decide to take the challenge up... I promise I will try to follow in your footsteps.
I agree with individuals having illusions. They often hold a 'perfect person' in their mind. It's a hard ideal for someone to compete with, when you enter the arena and you are not that ideal the person has in their mind.
No relationship will come without it's own set of issues. The fact that someone leaves the toilet seat up or down, the fact the toothpaste lid is permanently off... These small things seem cute to begin with , but later... you find a building resentment because they bother you. But this ... is common knowledge.
You are correct, I could start collecting friends... but that's not really my forte. Being popular was never on my list of desires. However, IF you decide to take the challenge up... I promise I will try to follow in your footsteps.
Yeah, being honest and open is difficult. Especially with one's self. I think people tend to look outside self to verify what is honest or not, instead of perusing their own thoughts for fallacious thinking patterns or delusional preconceptions. Oddly the last person we heed is our own honest self and really that's where 'everything' happens.
The more we hide self truth, the less we believe in another's truth. That in itself makes being honest with others difficult and somewhat unrewarding because they're already caught up in suspicions, dubious self esteem and self doubt. That manifests in the relationship as doubting a partner; so your truth has little chance of being real to them. Then it becomes self fulfilling prophecy for them and blah blah, the never ending circle of mistrust.
I think pursuing an endorphin rush is a good thing when one understands that they are doing it and then do it without attaching all manner of back stories.
Honest, the toilet is in pieces. Not sure where the seat is now as I'm renovating. Needless to say the toothpaste is in absentia as well.
I have 23 on FB, but admittedly most are relatives. Score!
BB_snickers: Oops, my bad.
Yeah, being honest and open is difficult. Especially with one's self. I think people tend to look outside self to verify what is honest or not, instead of perusing their own thoughts for fallacious thinking patterns or delusional preconceptions. Oddly the last person we heed is our own honest self and really that's where 'everything' happens.
The more we hide self truth, the less we believe in another's truth. That in itself makes being honest with others difficult and somewhat unrewarding because they're already caught up in suspicions, dubious self esteem and self doubt. That manifests in the relationship as doubting a partner; so your truth has little chance of being real to them. Then it becomes self fulfilling prophecy for them and blah blah, the never ending circle of mistrust.
I think pursuing an endorphin rush is a good thing when one understands that they are doing it and then do it without attaching all manner of back stories.
Honest, the toilet is in pieces. Not sure where the seat is now as I'm renovating. Needless to say the toothpaste is in absentia as well.
I have 23 on FB, but admittedly most are relatives. Score!
Yeah, being honest and open is difficult. Especially with one's self. I think people tend to look outside self to verify what is honest or not, instead of perusing their own thoughts for fallacious thinking patterns or delusional preconceptions. Oddly the last person we heed is our own honest self and really that's where 'everything' happens.
The more we hide self truth, the less we believe in another's truth. That in itself makes being honest with others difficult and somewhat unrewarding because they're already caught up in suspicions, dubious self esteem and self doubt. That manifests in the relationship as doubting a partner; so your truth has little chance of being real to them. Then it becomes self fulfilling prophecy for them and blah blah, the never ending circle of mistrust.
I think pursuing an endorphin rush is a good thing when one understands that they are doing it and then do it without attaching all manner of back stories.
Honest, the toilet is in pieces. Not sure where the seat is now as I'm renovating. Needless to say the toothpaste is in absentia as well.
I have 23 on FB, but admittedly most are relatives. Score!
So , we agree that honesty is a very good place to start. Although few people can truly handle true honesty... They want to believe in the fairytale.
I just laughed out loud... I am renovating the same rooms it seems, and yes... the toilet is on my list too. It's being replaced. Actually the only thing that is absent at the moment , are the tradesmen... the tiles, the new windows etc are all here in storage.
Your Facebook reflects mine... Why am I not surprised?! I do have more than you though, if you feel like competing. I keep in touch with all the people I met in New York last year on that page too, but most of them are Australians.
Ok here a thing...do you actually believe that his children and his parents are going to welcome you with open arms? To be realistic, the children may very well hate you for the rest of their lives for disrupting their home life.
Keep that in mind
Keep that in mind
Azizamm: I am in a situation where i love a man who is married but is not in love with his wife ..
But remains as a duty and pity
Should he leave without thought for her welfare
Or should i back away from this situation
But remains as a duty and pity
Should he leave without thought for her welfare
Or should i back away from this situation
Azizam, is Arabic word ?
sophiasummer: Nice
No flame thrower here.
No flame thrower here.
PEACE
Affairs are wrong full stop no matter what the state of someones rmarriage and b that comes between acouple is the lowest of the low, even loweree than a person in a mrriage cheating whats wrong could you not find someone single ?
Hes married means he is legally committed,only no brain woman would commit to married man,dont allow yourself become option if u can be a priority
Abagail: So , we agree that honesty is a very good place to start. Although few people can truly handle true honesty... They want to believe in the fairytale.
I just laughed out loud... I am renovating the same rooms it seems, and yes... the toilet is on my list too. It's being replaced. Actually the only thing that is absent at the moment , are the tradesmen... the tiles, the new windows etc are all here in storage.
Your Facebook reflects mine... Why am I not surprised?! I do have more than you though, if you feel like competing. I keep in touch with all the people I met in New York last year on that page too, but most of them are Australians.
I just laughed out loud... I am renovating the same rooms it seems, and yes... the toilet is on my list too. It's being replaced. Actually the only thing that is absent at the moment , are the tradesmen... the tiles, the new windows etc are all here in storage.
Your Facebook reflects mine... Why am I not surprised?! I do have more than you though, if you feel like competing. I keep in touch with all the people I met in New York last year on that page too, but most of them are Australians.
I'm renovating the entire house, mostly on my own so it's slow going and takes up much of my time. The toilet seat position is no longer a concern.
Married Australians?
Sorry, just trying to keep on thread topic.BB_snickers: I'm renovating the entire house, mostly on my own so it's slow going and takes up much of my time. The toilet seat position is no longer a concern.
Married Australians? Sorry, just trying to keep on thread topic.
Married Australians? Sorry, just trying to keep on thread topic.
I renovate a room a year, that way I can indulge and travel as well. You impelled me to call the builder today. Thank you.
Hopefully, he will return on Monday to do what I have asked him to do. He hasn't got very long to do the job, I fly out in a few weeks. Oh yes, I have married Australians on my page. They do exist you know... some of them are not having affairs too.
We don't choose who we fall in love with, and although most of us I assume try to avoid relationships with married or "taken" people, it's not always so simple for a variety of reasons, which quite frankly I can't be bothered to list as so many people are displaying their judgemental nature it wouldn't be worth the effort.
Be cautious and don't accept second best is the only advice I can offer to the OP.
Be cautious and don't accept second best is the only advice I can offer to the OP.
janie1305: We don't choose who we fall in love with, and although most of us I assume try to avoid relationships with married or "taken" people, it's not always so simple for a variety of reasons, which quite frankly I can't be bothered to list as so many people are displaying their judgemental nature it wouldn't be worth the effort.
Be cautious and don't accept second best is the only advice I can offer to the OP.
Be cautious and don't accept second best is the only advice I can offer to the OP.
Jan!you , shy?
I think first best is probably relavant to emotional entrapment.
Abagail: I renovate a room a year, that way I can indulge and travel as well. You impelled me to call the builder today. Thank you. Hopefully, he will return on Monday to do what I have asked him to do. He hasn't got very long to do the job, I fly out in a few weeks.
Oh yes, I have married Australians on my page. They do exist you know... some of them are not having affairs too.
Oh yes, I have married Australians on my page. They do exist you know... some of them are not having affairs too.
Exceptions to prove the rule.
Indeed... but then there always are... exceptions.
Aww for gods sake maybe they had a chemistry that was unavoidable. Isnt it possible to meet someone fall, deeply madly in love/lust. They know its wrong but they just cant help it.
put it down to an error, move on.
people make mistakes. By god she knows, she's has making this thread.
My advice to you is have no expectations, what will be will be, nothing will pass you by if its meant to be.
put it down to an error, move on.
people make mistakes. By god she knows, she's has making this thread.
My advice to you is have no expectations, what will be will be, nothing will pass you by if its meant to be.
JeanKimberley: Find opinion and we all have one. However, I am not a fan of your "cause an effect senario" as to why the fabric of marriage and family has been all but destroyed.Financial independence for women has increased the divorce rate. At one time there was no choice for a woman in marriage but to stay put up with it in order to feed her children and maintain a home. At one time there were very few choices of work outside the home and women were the primary caretaker of the children.
Now women have so many opportunities to shape their own life and support their children - so statistically 54% of all marriages end in divorce - if you had those odds in crossing the road and getting hit by a truck - you likely would not cross the road.
However marriages are on an increase, and men are now allowed to stay home with the children and be the caregiver, so there can be flexibility in how the family forms and stays together. Unfortunately too, economics now require both parents to work.
So with the ease of breaking up marriages - and the OP is asking for some advice. Whether she will take it is another questions. As we humans are our own worse enemies.
Now women have so many opportunities to shape their own life and support their children - so statistically 54% of all marriages end in divorce - if you had those odds in crossing the road and getting hit by a truck - you likely would not cross the road.
However marriages are on an increase, and men are now allowed to stay home with the children and be the caregiver, so there can be flexibility in how the family forms and stays together. Unfortunately too, economics now require both parents to work.
So with the ease of breaking up marriages - and the OP is asking for some advice. Whether she will take it is another questions. As we humans are our own worse enemies.
First to the OP, why in the world would you want to be involved with a Married Man? You are the one getting the raw deal and you just went right for it. It's not going to get better. Sod off that guy and get involved with things that interest you and maybe you will meet a guy. This is just wrong.
I hate people that cheat on their spouses and also the single person who just steps right in to cheat with him.
There is a word called DIVORCE. So if these men and women are so unhappy, don't use other people, just get divorced. Stop whining.
You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. It maybe completely different from what he is telling you. Men will say anything. He is not respecting you either.
His wife deserves respect and she is not getting it from either of you. Plus, what about the children if there are any? He is playing you.
Move on if you want to have a life. I know this is strong but that guy took a vow when he got married. Now look at him, wow, what a man, NOT.
The Doberman
doberman3: First to the OP, why in the world would you want to be involved with a Married Man? You are the one getting the raw deal and you just went right for it. It's not going to get better. Sod off that guy and get involved with things that interest you and maybe you will meet a guy. This is just wrong.
I hate people that cheat on their spouses and also the single person who just steps right in to cheat with him.
There is a word called DIVORCE. So if these men and women are so unhappy, don't use other people, just get divorced. Stop whining.
You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. It maybe completely different from what he is telling you. Men will say anything. He is not respecting you either.
His wife deserves respect and she is not getting it from either of you. Plus, what about the children if there are any? He is playing you.
Move on if you want to have a life. I know this is strong but that guy took a vow when he got married. Now look at him, wow, what a man, NOT.
The Doberman
I hate people that cheat on their spouses and also the single person who just steps right in to cheat with him.
There is a word called DIVORCE. So if these men and women are so unhappy, don't use other people, just get divorced. Stop whining.
You do not know what goes on behind closed doors. It maybe completely different from what he is telling you. Men will say anything. He is not respecting you either.
His wife deserves respect and she is not getting it from either of you. Plus, what about the children if there are any? He is playing you.
Move on if you want to have a life. I know this is strong but that guy took a vow when he got married. Now look at him, wow, what a man, NOT.
The Doberman
Low or no self-esteem on her part.
Nothing like derision to increase the self esteem of others.
Tomcats2: Affairs are wrong full stop no matter what the state of someones rmarriage and b that comes between acouple is the lowest of the low, even loweree than a person in a mrriage cheating whats wrong could you not find someone single ?
You may not be married but he is and it's made worse by the fact that you know he's married. I don't mean to put too fine a point on it but "I don't love her", "She doesn't understand me" and "It's not a real marriage are the oldest excuses in the book. I had a similar experience but I didn't know he was married and when I found out I walked away. Look at it this way, if you were his wife how ould you feel?? In love or not a marriage is between two people and not three. So imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
I hope you find all the happiness in the world but I give you this advice solemnly: Stand for something or you'll fall for anything.
Hold you head up, walk away and move on. :)
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I think TA that you probably realise it was a mistake ever to get involved with a married man in the first place, and I suspect that nothing that anyone posts here is going to make any difference at all.
What puzzles me though is that you're involved with this man yet you;re here on a 'singles' site when the reality is that you ARE in a 'committed relationship' even if the commitment is not all that you want it to be?
How on earth can you hope to move into a relationship with another man (which you say you want) when your head's all messed up on account of the married guy that you are already involved with?
I ask this as an 'interested party' having myself once begun to date a woman who claimed to be single but was in fact still involved in a relationship with a married man in the same way that you are?
You're asking for a man who is loyal and not a player, yet, in my opinion you're not being honest with yourself, you're not being loyal to the man with whom you are with in your affair relationship and you're being dishonest to the man's wife?
I'm not supporting him either here... if he's unhappy in his marriage it would be appropriate to mend that or end it.
The key to resolution (or not) in this situation is solely in your own hands.
Accept your lot as The Mistress and cease trying to deceive other men or else quit being The Mistress and take some time out for yourself to heal ...
Taking another man 'on the rebound' simply to comfort yourself in loneliness is not honest.
You can thank me later as I'm sure I'll 'draw fire' here and be shot down in flames now
;)