Do ultimatums work? (61)
online today!online today!truheart1941brentwood, Essex, England UK83 Threads 1 Polls 25,171 Poststruheart1941: .....as in the film....the god.father.....I,ll make you an offer you cant refuse*....marlon Brandon....without the cotton wool in my cheeks........
......oooooops forgot this..>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Girljuice: Why do they work or why don't they work and in what situations do they sometimes work?
Got all that? LOL
Got all that? LOL
Ultimatums is the ultimate passion killer. Compromise is ultimately beneficial for both parties...
Didn't work in this case.Early morning 28 Oct. 1940. The Italian ambassador giving an ultimatum,without declaring war, to the Greek Prime MInister.Surrender or war,and the war started.-
Chocheta: Compromise is ultimately beneficial for both parties...
Not in all situations,me thinks.
LadyDiz: Ultimatums in the professional world are to be made only as a last resort or where the consequences of having it rejected have been carefully considered and accepted as a possible / probable outcome.
Ultimatums have no place in my personal life. I either accept the situation or I move on. And any ultimatum issued to me will see me walking away never to return.
Return for one more time, to collect what was left behind.Ultimatums have no place in my personal life. I either accept the situation or I move on. And any ultimatum issued to me will see me walking away never to return.
chris27292729: Not in all situations,me thinks.
you could be right, me thinks
chris27292729: Not in all situations,me thinks.
In the work I do, a successful compromise is one where every one is equally dissatisfied and equally unhappy. Not sure whether a compromise in a relationship would be seen in the same light....
LadyDiz: In the work I do, a successful compromise is one where every one is equally dissatisfied and equally unhappy.
Then,all you clients/customers,should be your best friends.
Girljuice: Why do they work or why don't they work and in what situations do they sometimes work?
Got all that? LOL
they don't work because people aren't made that way. It's the opposite of caring for someone. Who can honestly say they appreciate hearing "if you do/don't do such and such, I'll do/not do such and such. It's usually a deal breaker. Virtually no one I know is willing to accept that. Got all that? LOL
rohaan: they don't work because people aren't made that way. It's the opposite of caring for someone. Who can honestly say they appreciate hearing "if you do/don't do such and such, I'll do/not do such and such. It's usually a deal breaker. Virtually no one I know is willing to accept that.
hiya rohaan
could You elaborate on this please?
jono7: hiya rohaan
could You elaborate on this please?
Because an ultimatum is not a conversation. It's a form of bullying. For instance, let me put myself in a woman's shoes for just a minute. Supposing I was in love with the guy I was dating, and wanted to get married. He seems unwilling, so I tell him, "If you won't marry me soon, I'm moving on". Well, first, if I had to goad and prod, he's not the one. What value romance, if forced? Second, putting myself back in the man's shoes, I have to have a life based on my comfort level, so, don't tell me what to do. Move on, then. Get it now?could You elaborate on this please?
I know some don't like to click on links and neither do I but I haven't had any problems with clicking on this one.
rohaan: Because an ultimatum is not a conversation. It's a form of bullying. For instance, let me put myself in a woman's shoes for just a minute. Supposing I was in love with the guy I was dating, and wanted to get married. He seems unwilling, so I tell him, "If you won't marry me soon, I'm moving on". Well, first, if I had to goad and prod, he's not the one. What value romance, if forced? Second, putting myself back in the man's shoes, I have to have a life based on my comfort level, so, don't tell me what to do. Move on, then. Get it now?
oh that's good....exactly if you have to try and force something or if it doesn't come easy then it's NOT worth the fight, you never had it in the first placeIf you have a problem with someone, you can try to resolve it by talking it through and try to come up with a solution both people can live with.
Telling someone it has to be done one way by a certain point in time most likely won't work.
Telling someone it has to be done one way by a certain point in time most likely won't work.
chris27292729: Return for one more time, to collect what was left behind.
No, nothing left behind is worth returning for.
rohaan: Because an ultimatum is not a conversation. It's a form of bullying. For instance, let me put myself in a woman's shoes for just a minute. Supposing I was in love with the guy I was dating, and wanted to get married. He seems unwilling, so I tell him, "If you won't marry me soon, I'm moving on". Well, first, if I had to goad and prod, he's not the one. What value romance, if forced? Second, putting myself back in the man's shoes, I have to have a life based on my comfort level, so, don't tell me what to do. Move on, then. Get it now?
yes rohaan, thanks for responding.
what i had started to think about...were folks already in relationships where addiction is playing havoc and bringing ultimatums to the table...
ie. 'quit smoking or i will leave you'...
i still don't like ultimatums as i've mentioned above, as i think...'gee honey, is there anything i can do to help you with no smoking' is more supportive. 'do what i say', is about them (even if it's my mom telling me to brush my teeth......thanks mom.....cuz my teeth are in great shape
). it's selfish; even if their 'do as i say' is perceived by them as in the best interest of the other, at a deeper level, it's really about getting what they want without room for negotiation. but i was curious on your thoughts, as i've read your posts for a long time and respect your opinions. and i began to wonder if there is a time and place for ultimatums that don't end in deal breakers?
thanks again 
truheart1941: when I was married....said to my wife...(ultimatum)....if I have to keep washing up the dinner things....no nookie tonight..... ......she smiled....got up and went to bed......after 18 years of washing up ........my hands are lovely and soft.............
Girljuice: Why do they work or why don't they work and in what situations do they sometimes work?
Got all that? LOL
Got all that? LOL
Didn't work against Panama, Iraq, Siria, nor Gemany.
LadyDiz: No, nothing left behind is worth returning for.
You like to play hard!! Giving someone ultimatums remind me of someone throwing a temper tantrum.
It's either my way or the highway.I'd take the highway.
It's either my way or the highway.I'd take the highway.
Ccincy: Giving someone ultimatums remind me of someone throwing a temper tantrum.
It's either my way or the highway.I'd take the highway.
It's either my way or the highway.I'd take the highway.
You leaving us.???? chris27292729: You leaving us.????
In your dreams.
I do believe ultimatums are deal breakers. Ultimatums only piss me off!
[quote=Girl Do ultimatums work?
Yes, specially from the IRS.
Yes, specially from the IRS.
lifeisadream: [quote=Girl Do ultimatums work?
Yes, specially from the IRS.
Yes, specially from the IRS.
And the IRS doesn't mess around!
on a personal level they do not work. either the other person will just walk away because they are angry or hurt that you resorted to an ultimatum, or they will give in to the ultimatum to preserve the relationship for now, but the resentment you've created will come back to bite you. that latter statement is also true for workplace ultimatums. It is a low functioning leader that uses ultmatums to control others.
rohaan: Because an ultimatum is not a conversation. It's a form of bullying. For instance, let me put myself in a woman's shoes for just a minute. Supposing I was in love with the guy I was dating, and wanted to get married. He seems unwilling, so I tell him, "If you won't marry me soon, I'm moving on". Well, first, if I had to goad and prod, he's not the one. What value romance, if forced? Second, putting myself back in the man's shoes, I have to have a life based on my comfort level, so, don't tell me what to do. Move on, then. Get it now?
I agree it's best to move on without ultimatums. that's no way to get what either one needs. In my case, I simply moved about 60 miles away without telling him and left no forwarding info....
maybe not totally fair? but better than an ultimatum because if it takes an ultimatum to get someone to share your idea of what the relationship should be, then that is more about control than it is about trust or negotiation, (and I had given it enough time to give him a chance to change/ improve his behavior). At some point we have to decide if we can't accept the current reality, then we need to create a new one. it is pointless to wait around for someone to change to be whomever it is you want him/her to be
Ultimatums always work one way OR the other.
My ultimatum windows work just fine.Great at keeping the cold and street noise out.
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