What advice would YOU give my daughter? (68)
Is it a distant online chat or are they closer to home?
You do not give your daughters age maybe this is her first crush?
Just keeping my fingers crossed they live some distance away and eventually she will learn that lies are not the foundation of a true relationship.
But overall point out to her to check on scamming sites to see the type of correspondence one gets and it would be foolish for her to put all eggs in one basket.
You do not give your daughters age maybe this is her first crush?
Just keeping my fingers crossed they live some distance away and eventually she will learn that lies are not the foundation of a true relationship.
But overall point out to her to check on scamming sites to see the type of correspondence one gets and it would be foolish for her to put all eggs in one basket.
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VivianLee: My daughter met this guy online, and they hit it off bigtime, she’s really happy. 2 things I don’t like. He has NO friends, because he sees men as competition, and women as flirts. And he lies. All the time. He’s a crap liar, she can always tell, but mostly lets it go. She says their relationship is unique, and he’s getting better all the time as he learns to trust her. Better at lying?
She's getting cross with me. She says this is special and I should trust her judgement.
Special? I think he’s a dud and she should get out before they get too serious. Should I shut up and let her learn the hard way?
You dont have a choice i think ,, although you didn say what age she is....?She's getting cross with me. She says this is special and I should trust her judgement.
Special? I think he’s a dud and she should get out before they get too serious. Should I shut up and let her learn the hard way?
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Sound like too much trouble than it's worth. On the surface, it doesn't sound like he is a well rounded individual. Tons of fish out there to catch, keep looking.
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CuddlingSoul: Sound like too much trouble than it's worth. On the surface, it doesn't sound like he is a well rounded individual. Tons of fish out there to catch, keep looking.
She wont listen to that...------ This poll is Archived ------
Sorry, should have said, she's 28 and has had 2 long-term relationships before which she ended because there was something missing. Both guys wanted to marry her. She's spent a lot of time with this guy but they live in separate towns about 4 hours drive apart. They talk nearly every day on skype, for hours. She says she knows him through and through.
I also met someone on line and she attacks me back, how do I know my guy is any better? Um ...
I also met someone on line and she attacks me back, how do I know my guy is any better? Um ...
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Stedan: Is it a distant online chat or are they closer to home?
You do not give your daughters age maybe this is her first crush?
Just keeping my fingers crossed they live some distance away and eventually she will learn that lies are not the foundation of a true relationship.
But overall point out to her to check on scamming sites to see the type of correspondence one gets and it would be foolish for her to put all eggs in one basket.
You do not give your daughters age maybe this is her first crush?
Just keeping my fingers crossed they live some distance away and eventually she will learn that lies are not the foundation of a true relationship.
But overall point out to her to check on scamming sites to see the type of correspondence one gets and it would be foolish for her to put all eggs in one basket.
OK mainly on line but they get together every month, give or take. And no, not her first crush, but the first time she has thought it special.
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michaelright: You dont have a choice i think ,, although you didn say what age she is....?
Yup, sorry, I've updated that. Old enough at 28, she says, to know what she is doing.
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VivianLee: Sorry, should have said, she's 28 and has had 2 long-term relationships before which she ended because there was something missing. Both guys wanted to marry her. She's spent a lot of time with this guy but they live in separate towns about 4 hours drive apart. They talk nearly every day on skype, for hours. She says she knows him through and through.
I also met someone on line and she attacks me back, how do I know my guy is any better? Um ...
Sounds like mother and daughter trying to outscore each other ...I also met someone on line and she attacks me back, how do I know my guy is any better? Um ...
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CuddlingSoul: Sound like too much trouble than it's worth. On the surface, it doesn't sound like he is a well rounded individual. Tons of fish out there to catch, keep looking.
YUP!
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I have a 33 yr old son so I can understand that you don't want your daughter hurt.I read in another post of yours that she was 28 yrs old.
I'd let her learn the hard way.
I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
I'd let her learn the hard way.
I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
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Ccincy: I have a 33 yr old son so I can understand that you don't want your daughter hurt.I read in another post of yours that she was 28 yrs old.
I'd let her learn the hard way.I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
She must be close to learning by now.....I'd let her learn the hard way.I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
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michaelright: Sounds like mother and daughter trying to outscore each other ...
Ouch! I feel partly responsible because my meeting someone (who is more of a buddy) was the reason she went on line herself.
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LilBeaver: Stay out of it, let her learn on her own.
And not say 'I told you so' - I know. I should!
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VivianLee: Ouch! I feel partly responsible because my meeting someone (who is more of a buddy) was the reason she went on line herself.
Really ,,, i must try that...------ This poll is Archived ------
Ccincy: I have a 33 yr old son so I can understand that you don't want your daughter hurt.I read in another post of yours that she was 28 yrs old.
I'd let her learn the hard way.I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
I'd let her learn the hard way.I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
Ccincy, then you know it's hard to shut up. I guess I've had my say, time to shut up. I liked the other guys she's dated!
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Ccincy: I have a 33 yr old son so I can understand that you don't want your daughter hurt.I read in another post of yours that she was 28 yrs old.
I'd let her learn the hard way.I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
I'd let her learn the hard way.I used to hear the saying that 'love is blind'.
Agree with this the only way she will learn...if it does go all pear shape then be there for her in support but dont tell her "I told you so" otherwise you may be alienated too.... good luck
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VivianLee: Ccincy, then you know it's hard to shut up. I guess I've had my say, time to shut up. I liked the other guys she's dated!
Vivian, Once my son became 18 I figured it was time for me to just stay out of his adult life and allow him to learn from his own mistakes.Sometimes we have to let go.
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michaelright: She must be close to learning by now.....
Some adults never learn they just continue making the same boo boos.
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Stedan: Agree with this the only way she will learn...if it does go all pear shape then be there for her in support but dont tell her "I told you so" otherwise you may be alienated too.... good luck
Thanks Stedan.
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Ccincy: Vivian, Once my son became 18 I figured it was time for me to just stay out of his adult life and allow him to learn from his own mistakes.Sometimes we have to let go.
Hmm, I've always told her she doesn't HAVE to make all her own mistakes, she can learn by the mistakes of others.
If it was just a fling, I'd shrug and tell her to enjoy the good bits and when the bad bits become too much,
and walk away. Here's hoping. 
letting go it is.------ This poll is Archived ------
VivianLee: Hmm, I've always told her she doesn't HAVE to make all her own mistakes, she can learn by the mistakes of others.
If it was just a fling, I'd shrug and tell her to enjoy the good bits and when the bad bits become too much, and walk away. Here's hoping.
letting go it is.
If it was just a fling, I'd shrug and tell her to enjoy the good bits and when the bad bits become too much, and walk away. Here's hoping.
letting go it is.
Now if he was physically/verbally abusing her then I would step in.Other than that I would just take two steps back.
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Ccincy: Now if he was physically/verbally abusing her then I would step in.Other than that I would just take two steps back.
Oh well, this is turning into advice to me rather than what advice people would give her.
Maybe there is no advice when it comes to people falling for a type they have never met before. I haven't got caught up with anyone like this so I didn't know, I hoped others had.
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Stedan: Agree with this the only way she will learn...if it does go all pear shape then be there for her in support but dont tell her "I told you so" otherwise you may be alienated too.... good luck
Good advice, I think, but don't push too hard right now.
The risks are that if the relationship does work out she may resent you, and she may be reluctant to approach you if the relationship fails.
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VivianLee: Oh well, this is turning into advice to me rather than what advice people would give her.
Maybe there is no advice when it comes to people falling for a type they have never met before. I haven't got caught up with anyone like this so I didn't know, I hoped others had.
Maybe there is no advice when it comes to people falling for a type they have never met before. I haven't got caught up with anyone like this so I didn't know, I hoped others had.
Just some advice to one mother from another.It's obvious that you are a loving and caring mother and you only want what is best for your adult child.
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VivianLee: My daughter met this guy online, and they hit it off bigtime, she’s really happy. 2 things I don’t like. He has NO friends, because he sees men as competition, and women as flirts. And he lies. All the time. He’s a crap liar, she can always tell, but mostly lets it go. She says their relationship is unique, and he’s getting better all the time as he learns to trust her. Better at lying? She's getting cross with me. She says this is special and I should trust her judgement. Special? I think he’s a dud and she should get out before they get too serious. Should I shut up and let her learn the hard way?
You don't have do many choices in your poll for helping your daughter to see the "truth" in his character. The lying is an important flaw to expose to the proper light.
I am not so sure you see the explanation for the lying - the men as competition and the women as flirts.
Listening and keeping a close relationship with your daughter is key, I think. If he is one who will try to isolate your daughter, then she will slowly move away from your support. If you are very critical of him, she will defend him and move away from your advice.
Keep the loving relationship with her and figure out ways to open her eyes to his behavior in a way that does not make her defend his behavior, or excuse his behavior.
It is a tough balancing act to be able to listen to her without offering an opinion.
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don't occupy yourself with it.
If you have time to look at how her life is going, you probably aren't occupied enough about your own life.
The best advice for your daughter is to be a good model.
Life is easier for her if not everyone interferes.
And i'll say this in defense. sometimes a bit of love is better then no love.
If you have time to look at how her life is going, you probably aren't occupied enough about your own life.
The best advice for your daughter is to be a good model.
Life is easier for her if not everyone interferes.
And i'll say this in defense. sometimes a bit of love is better then no love.
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postneoludite: Good advice, I think, but don't push too hard right now.
The risks are that if the relationship does work out she may resent you, and she may be reluctant to approach you if the relationship fails.
The risks are that if the relationship does work out she may resent you, and she may be reluctant to approach you if the relationship fails.
This parenting thing should definitely come with a manual
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Ccincy: Just some advice to one mother from another.It's obvious that you are a loving and caring mother and you only want what is best for your adult child.
Advice appreciated, Ccincy!
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JeanKimberley:
It is a tough balancing act to be able to listen to her without offering an opinion.
It is a tough balancing act to be able to listen to her without offering an opinion.
That's very true, especially as I have no idea myself whether she's right and this is different for him.
She could be.------ This poll is Archived ------
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64 Votes
2,131 Views
68 Comments
Created: Jan 2015
Last Viewed: 15 hrs ago
Last Commented: Jan 2015
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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What advice would YOU give my daughter?(Vote Below)
She's getting cross with me. She says this is special and I should trust her judgement.
Special? I think he’s a dud and she should get out before they get too serious.