First date and all he /she does is talk about their ex and how bad they were. (53)
lostx2: Hi all. New to the site but had to ask this question as it happened to me.
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
I would have suggested we talk about something more positive and try and make them laugh
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Why would anyone want to talk about past relationships on a first date anyway? I don't think I'll ever really understand that.
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opentuit: Why would anyone want to talk about past relationships on a first date anyway? I don't think I'll ever really understand that.
I like to talk about cupcakes------ This poll is Archived ------
I had the same thing happen to me on IM chat. He kept talking about the ex and all her issues and what she put him through. I politely told him that while I understood I just wanted to get to know him. He could not take the hint. Finally I told him I wasn't interested since I didn't think he was over his ex. He didn't get what I meant. I asked him why he couldn't stop talking about her. He told me it was my fault since I asked if he was "married, divorced or seeing someone..." 
WOW - I think you did the right thing and handled a bad situation the best you could. You can't fix it - she can...good luck - you seem like a nice guy.
WOW - I think you did the right thing and handled a bad situation the best you could. You can't fix it - she can...good luck - you seem like a nice guy.
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opentuit: Why would anyone want to talk about past relationships on a first date anyway? I don't think I'll ever really understand that.
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MovinFWD: I like to talk about cupcakes
...and i just happen to have cupcakes!------ This poll is Archived ------
opentuit: ...and i just happen to have cupcakes!
and angel hair
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MovinFWD: and angel hair
awwwww.... that is so sweet.
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opentuit: awwwww.... that is so sweet.
...unless you were talking about thin spaghetti. which i like. but if you meant spaghetti, actually i don't have any....
just cupcakes.and beer.
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opentuit: Why would anyone want to talk about past relationships on a first date anyway? I don't think I'll ever really understand that.
I suspect it is a way of getting things of their chest for some, (cupcakes aside of course
), as the listener will have an impartial view and in only hearing one side, is likely to be more sympathetic to their past.. As the OP tells us, they had been in communication a while and she maybe felt secure enough to go into details with him, when normally she would never even consider doing with a stranger on a first date, as like job interviews, first impressions count.. Even though things never worked out for both parties, it may have allowed her to move on with her life and also learn from the sound advice he provided 
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jeepers: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_yWyBjDEaU
Great track Jeeps, but the following could be more appealing for Venus:
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First date and all he /she does is talk about their ex and how bad they were.
Naaaaaa... They do that here in the forums..
Naaaaaa... They do that here in the forums..
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lostx2: Hi all. New to the site but had to ask this question as it happened to me.
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
I think that if non-stop talking about her ex can still feel something for him that emotions are not entirely disappeared even though talking bad things about him, or fear of not being injured again by a new partner. My last girlfriend was almost always when we spoke by phone talking about her former boyfriend, he cheated, and when we were together was not talked about it. I always told her to forget the past and turn to the future.About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
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lostx2: Hi all. New to the site but had to ask this question as it happened to me.
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
Easy; you save the night by saying lets talk about something else.
You then realize that this person has baggage and you should only be friends.
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lostx2: Hi all. New to the site but had to ask this question as it happened to me.
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
I'd like to think I would've handled it as you did. More than likely she'd be getting a taxi home.
Something similar did happen to me once. It wasn't that she was whingeing that much......it was more like I was getting tested for a reaction.
Then again....she might have been just a totally boring person and had nothing else to talk about.
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lostx2: Hi all. New to the site but had to ask this question as it happened to me.
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
Some people like to talk about ex and will not let the past go,I think it is a form of victimization.
Nobody likes to be talking about the ex and every woman and man are different.Make the comparison is not a good idea ,each of us can have what the other is missing and that is true beauty.
Perhaps she is not ready for a new relationship,her wounds are not healed yet ,still needs time
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i,ve had that happen to me on more than one occasion, it did not bother me because she was there with me not him, some people have to get thier issues out so they can move on, and it helps me not to make the same mistakes he did. i did skip out on a date once, not because she talked about her ex, but we were fifteen minutes into the date when she asked me if i could help pay her phone bill..i excused myself to the restroom, payed the bill and left her there..she doe,s not speak to me until this day..i say lucky me..
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lostx2: Hi all. New to the site but had to ask this question as it happened to me.
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
I don't know , the topic would have to change. You would think looking in your/her eyes would have been enough. She was not comfortable being there, that is what it sounds like, but it had nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally.
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lostx2:
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?
There's a reason why the expression is to "wine and dine".
My guess is that you left out the "wine" part.
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Just maybe you really werent that into her and used her ex bashing as an excuse,some folks prattle on through nerves and the date might have brought this on..
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If I thought the conversation was going down the road of talking about an ex, I would subtley steer the conversation onto a happier subject.
If this did not work I would then point out to them that I was not particularly inetersted in talking about an ex, or being compared to one and that if they needed to offload as they would do to a shrink, then I would charge for the service of listening.
If this did not work I would then point out to them that I was not particularly inetersted in talking about an ex, or being compared to one and that if they needed to offload as they would do to a shrink, then I would charge for the service of listening.
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It sounds to me like she was not healed enough to be out dating yet. Me I don't feel the need to talk about ex's. Yours, mine or bo peeps It don't sound like a fun way to get to know each other. But it was very nice you toughed it out and sat there politely. 
It don't sound like a fun way to get to know each other. But it was very nice you toughed it out and sat there politely. ------ This poll is Archived ------
lol i have had a FEW guys do that on here-first conversation by I.M. i like to encourage peeps to relax and show true colours as soon as possible,so as to know what the score is before i have any emotion invested.
In cases like this,I let the guy know,i don't consider him ready to date,and wont meet up as he is obviously still working through and coming to terms with past relationship disappointments.
If i got to the date part,unlikely but,I'd do the same thing-listen and try to help,but be clear i wont be dating this person again.We all been hurt and need to vent at times..sometimes when its still raw,it just spills over at inappropriate moments.
In cases like this,I let the guy know,i don't consider him ready to date,and wont meet up as he is obviously still working through and coming to terms with past relationship disappointments.
If i got to the date part,unlikely but,I'd do the same thing-listen and try to help,but be clear i wont be dating this person again.We all been hurt and need to vent at times..sometimes when its still raw,it just spills over at inappropriate moments.
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Run..don't look back. Seriously..anyone who discuss their ex for a duration of time has issues they haven't dealt with. If it's a mutual convo and you're sharing your stories..that's different. I'm a date not a therapist.
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nanners2863: Run..don't look back. Seriously..anyone who discuss their ex for a duration of time has issues they haven't dealt with. If it's a mutual convo and you're sharing your stories..that's different. I'm a date not a therapist.
I guess that depends on the therapy you are giving...... you could be both
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nanners2863: Run..don't look back. Seriously..anyone who discuss their ex for a duration of time has issues they haven't dealt with. If it's a mutual convo and you're sharing your stories..that's different. I'm a date not a therapist.
Nice new pic. Love that hair color on you.------ This poll is Archived ------
Happygolucky4u: Nice new pic. Love that hair color on you.
Thanx! Needed to update a little. ------ This poll is Archived ------
Happygolucky4u: Nice new pic. Love that hair color on you.
yup nanners-i noticed earlier-the new colour suits you chick.xx
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tomboygirl: yup nanners-i noticed earlier-the new colour suits you chick.xx
Thanx lol------ This poll is Archived ------
Good for you p1259,can you imagine the nerve.Imagine if you would of stayed longer,she would of asked for some rent money,lol
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Created: May 2010
Last Viewed: Apr 26
Last Commented: Jun 2010
Last Voted: Jul 2017
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First date and all he /she does is talk about their ex and how bad they were.(Vote Below)
About 1 1/2 years ago, I tried an online dating site. We talked for a while on the site, then went to private email and Im's. Then the time came to meet in person. The whole time we were on the site or in email / Im's ex's were barely mentioned.
We went to a nice resturant, but the whole time she dominated the conversation with talk of how bad her ex was to her and how bad all her exboyfreinds were. I have been through 2 marriages myself and both ended VERY badly. I understand the need to tell your potential partner about past experiences with ex's but when is it too much?
Anyway my answer is, I sat through the date as politely as I could. I took her home and sighed from relief on my way home. The next day I told her she was a sweet woman, but I wanted to get to know each other better, not sit and listen to her vent her fustration. I told her that every man is different and she needs to let go of the past. I told her if she still wanted to chat ect, ect. that would be fine, but unless you let go of the past I don't see this going any further than friends. Needless to say we never spoke to each other again.
So if you where in the same situation, what would you do?