Hi Guys ! Iv'e been traveling a lot lately and believe it ir not, there are parts of South Africa that still do not have 3G or internet coverage (the joys of living in a developing world)....so when I do get back home, I kind of have a lot of catching up to do.
I will be moving to Lesotho in a few weeks time to oversee a large shopping center development and I am going to have to get used to living in the cold. Anyway...enough about me, I hope you are all well and that life is smiling upon you all.
Nicefeet...thank you once again for your insightful replies....I appreciate it all. I hear what you say about attracting exactly what I want and I thought that was what I was doing all my life, albeit by default. I will certainly approach any future relationship in a total different way and a belief system that will attract what I truly desire.
sundayrose1 & Nicefeet I have met "the teacher" too many times and in fact, we are close friends. I learn something every time but the point is this, when does there come a time where we can just implement all we have learned and enjoy life for what it is meant to be ?
I totally understand the polarities that Kahlil Gibran writes about but surely there is a point in our lives, where we can just be ? Maybe I am just not cut out to be in a relationship and that is why I keep on bumping into "the teacher"
Thanx for all the advice everyone....I have through introspection, discovered a lot about myself and especially about my core beliefs....that is what I am focusing on presently. I guess, I have been in denial about certain things in my life and the harsh reality of a relationship crumbling around you, is a big wake up call and reality check.
I know my answers would not be the answers for the next person etc, etc, but it certainly would be awesome if just once in my life, I could get to a point where I could experience a relationship, based on simple human values and that does not end up being another learning experience in my life.
I am past the human doing stage and right now, I am just a human being wanting to experience love and friendship without all the complications.....or am I being delusional ?
I think I have lost the plot here....woman bemoan the fact that they are treated as less in the workplace and would want to be treated as equals in all instances...hence "women's lib". I recall and instance some time ago, where a woman reprimanded a guy for holding the door open for her and basically told him that he was insinuating that he was somehow superior to her by this very action.
My point is this...it is either or and not both....you cannot demand to be treated equally when it suits you and then basically call a guy a lout for not wanting to pay for your meal....his age is totally irrelevant or is there another book of etiquette that I am not aware of ? I wish the women of the world would make up their minds as I am totally confused as to what they really want ??? Has it perhaps occurred to you that he could not afford to pay the meal and does it make him any less of a person because of this ??? unless you have walked a step in his shoes, don't judge the guy.
Halv0...is perfectly correct...the drugs being kept in the pharmacy are as toxic as the cigarettes being kept there and would kill you over time as well....I don't see any contradiction here.
They sell Nicorette gum, smoking patches, Zyban...and all these prducts are to do with the quitting of smoking. You might as well complete the circle and include cigarettes....so if you can't cure them, you might as well kill them in the process....it's a win - win don't you think ???
Halv0....I admire your commitment and sincerely wish you joy and happiness for your future together. We can find excuses for it not to work, or we can find reasons to make magic together.
Leah....I wanted to write a blog to you filled with many profound insights and what you should do and not do and I decided instead to just send you a big hug and tell you that when the night is at the darkest, the dawn is at it's closest.
I sincerely believe that our departed love ones would want us to get on with our lives and they would wish you all the love, happiness and joy as we likewise wish for you.
Take care and.....and just know, that this to shall pass !
Standing "kaalgat" in the rain on a hot summer's day and feeling the ice cold rain on my body.....looking at nature and the perfection of it all, does it for me.
I have 7 wild cats that I feed every day and if we lived on the same continent/country, I would happily give you a few to look after the mice....they need a good home and lots of love and mice would give them something to do.
Good to see you again Leah !...mice are more scared of you than the other way around and they will never attack you if you just leave them alone. It's the thought that's more frightening than the reality of it.
greetings Lukeon....I would rather think of it as being modest more than it being insecure. Another way of looking at it would be to see yourself as totally balanced....with a chip on both shoulders (only kidding)
I still miss good old PE but I don't miss the wind...I lived in Humewood right on Beach road just after the S-bend (some useless info but it always makes me go down memory lane when I see a fellow "Baaier")
Hi Ninnoe...it's all about your own integrity. Keep in mind, a potential partner does not own you or who you choose to have as friends. It is ultimately all about, what you want to get out of being on the site. I think the majority of people here on this site are awesome. I was off the site for a few months and I missed the friendships I had built up over time.
So...my dear Ninnoe...don't stress too much about what a potential partner would think about you being on a singles site...just cross that bridge when you get to it and in the meantime, just enjoy yourself. Who knows...you might even meet Mr. Right. And also remember, that many awesome relationships started off as friendships (the cornerstone of a good marriage/relationship)
just an afterthought....I know of several woman in very unhappy relationships and they are "hanging in" because they do not have the luxury of their own sources of income. If you went and told them that they are "free"...they would laugh in your face. They are virtual prisoners in an unhappy relationship and being free is a concept that they only dream about.
okay....we've spoken enough about you ! lets speak about me and what I can do for that insomnia of yours....you've obviously been doing it wrong or just haven't been doing it at all.
I find this whole relationship thing very intriguing and somewhat puzzling. I clearly recall, while I was married, desperately feeling like a caged animal and wanting to be free...free to do as I wish, without being judged or questioned. And as time moves on, I catch myself thinking, mmmmmm I wouldn't mind settling down again! My point is this: We never seem to be happy with our present status...when we are in a relationship, we wish for freedom and when we have our freedom, we wish for a relationship.
I think of the times in the past where I could sincerely say I was happy or experienced happiness and it had nothing to with who I was with , but it had everything to do with my attitude to life at the time. Are we not looking in the wrong place for that "something" to complete us ??? Maybe we need to look into our own hearts and start there. Did the creator honestly make us incomplete, that we always need a partner to validate or complete us?
I also find that the most spiritual growth I have ever experienced, was when I was on my own and these were the darkest times of my life and YES...we wish for someone to take our hand and walk the road with us, but there are times that we need to walk alone as well. If you do not go within, you go without !!!
Yes we do write off people because they do not fit the mold that we consider acceptable whether it be behavior or looks. The problem is this....you then have to live that lie. If the people in question seriously wanted to move beyond just being some illusion on a computer screen then surely, they should know that they would be caught at their lies. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE
I don't think I factored in the cultures and values of other people....what I'm trying to say, is that I received the most criticism from abroad and almost zero from my own country. I enjoyed the contradiction as it paints me as some superficial guy trying to get laid and I can live with that. I just never thought that people felt so strongly about something so trivial. It just proves my point that we place so much value on what a person looks like and we write them off without giving them a chance in life just because they just happened to not have a shirt on.....wow !!!!. I still don't get it ! sorry folks it must be because deep down, I am very shallow.
Maddog...you are right of course. I don't think anyone wants to share a woman irrespective of whether it is a FWB or not. That is not a friend with benefits, but with risks, both physical and emotional
I obviously don't speak for the male species, but I suspect that guys would find it easier to do than women....women create emotional attachments to stuff whereby we can rationalize it for what it is and then just move on. I suspect that guys wish all relationships were like this but then again, loving the woman as well is so much more awesome and satisfying.
It is really about establishing parameters and sticking to them, no matter what. That is not to say that a "friend with benefits" cannot evolve into something more meaningful.
In life, we sometimes need to experience the polarities of emotions...in other words, how would we know we are happy if we have not experienced sadness?. I think we delude ourselves if we somehow think we can be in a perpetual state of bliss all the time....it sounds good on paper maybe, but not that attainable to us mere mortals. As Kahlil Gibrahn said many years ago, "when sadness is in your heart, just know that happiness is around the corner waiting to take it's place".
I don't remember the movies name, but a part of the movie I do remember is this....they were about to go into battle and the one guy said to the general "aren't you afraid of dying ?" and the general looked at him and said "all men die, but how many truly live ?"....and if some part of that journey is spent being happy then you could consider your life well lived.
Perhaps one of the previous bloggers was right when he suggested that ignorance is bliss. Maybe we spend too much time intellectualizing everything and forget to live. As John Lennon so wisely said "life is what happens when you are busy thinking about tomorrow"
Hi Luke ! I grew up in PE and studied there....and I miss the place but have been away for about 20 years now. I don't miss the wind though. javascript:emot('');
I do not think that happiness and intelligence have anything to do with each other. I will not attempt to sound too deep here, but what I do know, is happiness is a state of being. You cannot do happy but you can be happy and it is totally independent of whether you are intelligent or not. Intelligence gives you the tools to do stuff but it is not a guarantee that it will bring happiness. Happiness is a decision and not the result of some intellectual reasoning or genetic gift.
The guy sitting under the tree was smoking dope possibly....I just never got to ask him.
Hi Bob,....I beg to differ. I honestly think ignorance is bliss. I think knowledge has an inherent danger and responsibility that goes with it. I am fortunate enough to live in a country that has an incredible diversity of cultures and i'll briefly relate a lasting image to back up my point.
South Africa is a vast country with large areas that are rural and the people that live in these areas, live in very primitive circumstances (not everyone)....mostly in mud huts with a few cattle and some rudimentary crops. I have this lasting image of an old man sitting in the shade of a large african tree smoking a pipe with this distant look of total bliss as he looks over his world. I have not seen this look on any educated or intelligent person ever. He most probably did not have any form on formal education and he was most probably ignorant of the world 25kn away from where he lived. But what he did have is a look that I will never forget....and it said BLISS !
Hey buddie.....don't question it ! It reminds me of the baboons we have in South Africa....they grab a mealie (corn cob) under their arm and then reach out for another and lose the one under their arm. Maybe just maybe, there is no ulterior motive and she actually finds you attractive. Is that a concept too far removed from reality ? I think we become so jaded in our thinking and perception of ourselves that we find it difficult to accept that a hottie would actually find us attractive. Enjoy the adoration buddie as sadly it does become less and less. Even if it is somewhat dodgy.....shouldn't lessen the fact it made you feel good and brightened up your day. ( sorry to burst your bubble but it was actually me in drag....only kidding)
Have you perhaps considered that everything in life is perfect ? and that you perhaps had to experience what you are experiencing? There is a beautiful little book called "the prophet" by Kahlil Gibrhan (something you could read sitting on the toilet in one session)and it is not about religion but about the polarities of life. Try and read it sometime. I know when we hurt, we cannot see the perfection in a situation and our hearts are filled with pain and loneliness and we ask ourselves...how the hell can that be perfect ? It is only with time, that we can look back and see the perfection. Sometimes people do us a favor by piddling on our batteries.
I sense you are a strong person under all the emotional pain but do yourself a favour and don't try and give up everything all at once. And try and get to the gym...it saved my life. "When the night is at it's darkest, the dawn is at it's closest" There are many awesome people out there and we just have to give them a chance in life.....we are so quick to write off people because they do not fit our preconceived idea of what an awesome human being would be.
Take care Tangerino and I send you a big South African hug
andie0404 Blog Comments (30)
life is what happens when your'e too busy thinking
Hi Guys !Iv'e been traveling a lot lately and believe it ir not, there are parts of South Africa that still do not have 3G or internet coverage (the joys of living in a developing world)....so when I do get back home, I kind of have a lot of catching up to do.
I will be moving to Lesotho in a few weeks time to oversee a large
shopping center development and I am going to have to get used to living in the cold. Anyway...enough about me, I hope you are all well and that life is smiling upon you all.