Are you unique or just a clone?
Do you feel you need that someone special in your life.....that someone who is so unique and completely right for you that it seems almost unbelievable...a figment of your imagination or perhaps a distant dream beyond your grasp?Sometimes people feel incomplete without that significant other and therein lies a great danger to their own uniqueness. They try so hard to fit in with the needs and wants of their perspective partner that they often overlook the greatest gift or blessing they are bringing into that relationship....which is they themselves.
They with their own unique personality and developed characteristics that ultimately define who they are, is that very thing that caught the attention of another... and when in entering into a relationship or subsequent marriage, they in their efforts to adapt or please their partner pander to their every needs and agree to all that is said. Surely this down play of self would cause them to lose that uniqueness.......and after awhile the partner begins to question his/her reason for being with this other person.
Anyone knows that living with a clone of yourself eventually becomes rather boring. The truth is we seek someone who will stimulate and cause us to feel alive through the daily challenges they bring and by challenges I’m referring to differences of opinions or perspectives on a variety of topics.
The danger of trying to become something or someone you.... think.... your partner is seeking in the relationship will have a twofold effect a) it will rob you of your own true uniqueness and b) turn you into a rather boring and uninteresting person to that potential partner.
Therefore it is of the utmost importance that you first recognize and establish your own self identity and the gift that you are.... before.... entering into any relationship....and get rid of those insecurities that constantly whisper in your ear “I’m not interesting or good enough for him/her”
The Greek philosopher, Socrates was well known for his saying 'know thyself'. His argument was that in order for one to be wise you must first get to know yourself.
If you don’t know who you are.... what are you seeking or doing in that relationship?
Comments (24)
@Angel..you are so special....you make me smile and laugh ....especially after your confession about long blogs....thanks
@Funlaugh....although we do what we can to please our partners it is important not to sacrifice who you are in the process...I don't think they ever expected that of you and if they do....show them the door or better still help them through it.....anyway you feel disposed to
PS; I stopped reading after the headline...
The death or even just the breakup of a long term relationship with a partner often reveals the extent to which you sacrificed your own identity in order to accommodate that relationship you were in.
Discovering who you are is a life long journey as your life story unfolds with every challenge and experience you go through, however we sometimes lose our way and land up asking ourselves, "who are we really?... and what is our purpose or goal in this relationship or even ... why am I seeking a new relationship?"
Should we remain alone while trying to fathom out who we are?....absolutely not....that person is part of your maturing process and instrumental in the role of helping you discover yourself and finding out who you are.....
it is a well known fact that the people in our lives bring out the best and the worst in us....
@Prawlah.. that is so true...go with what feels right
"I" have a completely different take on this even though I have actually experienced what you are talking about. And your point is excellent and will, if put into action, certainly result in a well defined ego/sense of self.
That said, "I" don't believe "I" exist as a separate ego. "I" experience my "Self" as being everything and nothing. My experience of life shifts from perspective to perspective constantly. "I" am briefly my Macaw "Jolly" wishing my keeper would take me out of the cage and smooch my cheeks. Or I am my dogs, wanting out to run and smell things, or I am any other animal or person I gaze upon, feeling briefly their cares and aches, knowing they are dragging their bodies through life and only half awake in their relative discomfort. Perhaps it's just extreme empathy. But I never worry about "losing my identity" because I experience my True Self as directionless Love (agape) until I gaze upon a figmentous "other" and then the Love is pointed in their direction for a time: A window seems to fly open in the top of my head and the sky pours in through it, and I look back out at my Self through these blue eyes.
Dreams seem real while they last. I can say no more than this about my "life" except, "May it serve some greater 'Good'."
Thanks for the lovely thoughts!
What is, IS and everything that comes into your life offers blessings which may not materialize for some years. During those years the people who resist what already IS persist in a state of self created suffering. Then the blessing bears its fruit into the timeline of their life and, if the person who has been suffering is lucky and insightful, they will look back and say "I bless the path that brought me here. I bless the turn of events I once judged "inopportune" because, had it not occurred, I would not be enjoying this now."
Life is lived in (fast) forward. But it's fruit can only be appreciated with a backward glace over the shoulder, smiling at the crossroads you encountered along that timeline.
Grief is a temper tantrum, disguised -- which is really Love, perceiving its Self abandoned, hopeless, cornered, betrayed, forgotten.
Truth is True across all contexts. Love alone crosses all contexts. Well, Love and the Wisdom to re-cognize it. Love can find us anywhere because its one dimension is Always. Love found me by way of rage I could not bear/abide. It was not what I willed to embrace and so "I" came "undone" and disidentified with the suffering self in the story I had been telling "me". I "surrendered" to what Is/was. "I" died/dissipated and found/met the Invulnerable Self.
I must away to work now but I'll post "Sage of Rage" and hope you enjoy/find fruit in it. I work tomorrow afternoon as well so I won't be around much to answer but maybe folks will respond with the unique ways Love has revealed their True Self in their own life stories. A blessed day to you all.
My point is this: We never seem to be happy with our present status...when we are in a relationship, we wish for freedom and when we have our freedom, we wish for a relationship.
I think of the times in the past where I could sincerely say I was happy or experienced happiness and it had nothing to with who I was with , but it had everything to do with my attitude to life at the time. Are we not looking in the wrong place for that "something" to complete us ??? Maybe we need to look into our own hearts and start there. Did the creator honestly make us incomplete, that we always need a partner to validate or complete us?
I also find that the most spiritual growth I have ever experienced, was when I was on my own and these were the darkest times of my life and YES...we wish for someone to take our hand and walk the road with us, but there are times that we need to walk alone as well. If you do not go within, you go without !!!
If you felt caged in your relationship/marriage then it was not a healthy situation for either of you and you should not allow that experience to cloud your future.
Yes, it is a sad fact of life that we are never satisfied with what we have but always seek that which we think we are missing out on.....and for sure the advertising industry is making a killing based on this simple truth.
It is important to have a great attitude in life, it certainly will get you far but it makes for a poor bedfellow on cold nights.
Nothing can replace the touch of a woman by your side, no matter how infuriating she can be at times....or hail damaged...that is why so many seek a loving relationship, not to complete them but to compliment them.
@Angel
I guess m a bored clone at this stage - Fact.
Part of my comfort in relationships and making compromises is that I empathetically identify with everyone and everything, and I honestly consider all of the world to be extension of my "Self". I used to watch people whom I consider "other Me's" walking about. I could tell by the way they held their bodies and moved how they felt and wondered why I could not actually read what was in their minds. I get strong mental images of things "other people" do and are doing at various times and, when I tell them what I see them doing, I often get "How the Hell did you know that?!" <shrug>
My point is, if I relate to others that well, how could I lose my sense of self? For me, if anyone I am interacting with feels they are losing in the relationship/situation, I feel their distress and take it on. I don't DO win/lose relationships. I can't win if those with whom I am interacting are not also winning. Relationships are ABOUT mutual enhancement. When you relate that strongly and diffusely to the positions of others, it's kinda hard to relate to the idea of "losing your self". Everybody is, more or less, my self. When I say "I love you ALL" I mean it. (Some I love more fiercely than others, but you get my drift and I certainly get yours.) Still, it's what we SAY to ourselves about a situation that determines how we will experience it.
I enjoy your perspectives. Remember perspective shifts the moment your thoughts shift and allow it to do so. Have a great day. I'm going back to bed!