Saying prayers for both you and your Mom. Yes, I know what you are going through. I went through it and its tough. My Dad was legally blind and I live in my own house on the farm. He was going downhill and ended up in the hospital and then a nursing home. He begged me not to let him die in that place. I brought him home, my brother and sister helped some, but I was the one there every night after work and all weekend. We managed to get some paid help 4 days a week and my sister did one day. I had to get my kids to come visit my (two boys) from my own house next door. The little one would come join me for breakfast but they didn't mind the sacrifices. When Dad died, at the wake, my fiancee of a 5 year relationship and one year engaged couldn't eat. Turns out by the end of the month they figured out he had lung cancer. long story short, his mother suggested we get married which we did (had planned to wait until kids were grown, and we spent our honeymoon getting the first of many chemo treatments. In the end I was giving him shots (me who used to pass out at the sight of needles). I spent two years of my life taking care of sick and cancer riddled people I love and if I had to do it again, I would. You need to to realize what a wonderful sacrifice you are making and how much your Mom appreciates it even if she can never tell you. Hospice can only do so much, they are helpful but its really up to the family and its a tough thing to do. Send me an e-mail if you want to talk. Sometimes it just helps to be able to talk to someone who knows and understands your feelings and what you're going thru. Sorry you have to go through this.
Thanks, everyone, for the good wishes and kind support. No word all week, but tonight my new Cowboy called! What a great laugh he has. He's got committments this weekend (a birthday party and a buddy he goes out with when the guy doesn't have his kids) but said he'd call again. So far so good--he hasn't turned into a toad yet like the last cowboy I set my sights on did!
Thank you for the information. Those of us without experience with certain diseases frequently are unable to know what to say or do or how to handle the situation. All I can say is I understand what you have said and offer whatever I can in the way of long-distance friendship. May you experience more good days than bad and may the memories of the good days help you through the bad.
Best of luck Melanie. I'm too far away to offer anything but e-mail and a shoulder to cry on should you need it, or just someone to rant and rave at about the unfairness of it all. I've been there and done that, caring for my dad and then my husband, losing them within one year almost to the day of each other. E-mail me if you ever need someone to talk to.
"Alyssa Lies" is a fairly new song and a very moving one. Someone also mentioned Rascal Flatts song "Skin" which I call Sarah about a girl who gets cancer and loses her hair and wants to go to the prom. The boy shows up and he's shaved his head too and that sends me into tears every time. Country music has some really great songs and some great words.
OMG, you will never believe this--I may have gotten my Christmas wish for a cowboy! I was at the Cadillac Ranch on Friday night and guess what I saw--a tall cowboy! I had never seen him before. He wasn't dancing but was standing there all mysterious in a black duster, black hat, and cowboy boots. Yep, a real live cowboy looking gorgeous man. But, all he did was watch. Later in the night, I asked him to dance a slow dance and he said yes! We danced, we talked, we left at 1:00 and his truck was parked right next to my car! We went out to eat (I didn't get home until 4:30 a.m.) and had a wonderful time. He took me out to dinner and swing dancing on Saturday night too. I'm living in anticipation of our next meeting.......maybe dreams do come true.
I've said a prayer to help you deal with this drastic turn in your life. Some of us here have dealt with many stages of cancer and would be happy to give you any advice or just moral support. Ask anything you like by e-mail. Sometimes you just need someone to rant and rave at about the unfairness of some of these illnesses. Keep your spirits up. That is half the battle. Best wishes.
Roy, I too am a Widow. I lost my husband to lung cancer. We were engaged and he was diagnosed, so we got married right away. I took care of him for the 11 months he lived on chemo. I still miss him so much. He died in December of 2002 but it seems like yesterday sometimes. I haven't had much luck replacing him - I compare every man to him and they all seem to be lacking. Who knows when that will change. But know that the feeling of utter lonliness and dispair gets less and less with time although there are still days when I just burst into tears for no reason. There are times when a guy will be nice to me and it just sends me to tears. Nothing you can do but take it one day at a time and cherish their memory.
I love you Tom, I always will--you were my true love and I miss you!
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feedstore and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand; put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
Let's get back to the 15 cars: Chevy Impala, 340 Duster, Heavy Chevy, Chevy Truck, Chevy Monza, Horizon, Jeep, Z28, Subaru, 3 Izuzu Troopers (white, gold, silver/maroon), 2 Buicks (gold and green), Ford F150 pick-up, and my current care a white Pontiac Grand Prix. I can add 3 motorcycles too if you like: Honda SL100, XL 175 and 350-4!
I have a friend who teaches piano, guitar, mandolin, fiddle, base, and horns and he had a blue grass band. I tried to learn guitar but had to cut all my fingernails on my left hand and that messed up my typing so I quit. I bought an OmniChord which I love. There are two of us who play occasionally with the Connecticut Blue Grass association at their monthly jams. I love country music and dance twice a week too.
Prayers for Missy. you and the whole family. Nothing is worse than the loss of a child. Bless you both and my God give you the strength to get through this.
dancingfarmer Forum Posts (752)
RE: Mom is dying. I am losing my mind
Saying prayers for both you and your Mom. Yes, I know what you are going through. I went through it and its tough. My Dad was legally blind and I live in my own house on the farm. He was going downhill and ended up in the hospital and then a nursing home. He begged me not to let him die in that place. I brought him home, my brother and sister helped some, but I was the one there every night after work and all weekend. We managed to get some paid help 4 days a week and my sister did one day. I had to get my kids to come visit my (two boys) from my own house next door. The little one would come join me for breakfast but they didn't mind the sacrifices. When Dad died, at the wake, my fiancee of a 5 year relationship and one year engaged couldn't eat. Turns out by the end of the month they figured out he had lung cancer. long story short, his mother suggested we get married which we did (had planned to wait until kids were grown, and we spent our honeymoon getting the first of many chemo treatments. In the end I was giving him shots (me who used to pass out at the sight of needles). I spent two years of my life taking care of sick and cancer riddled people I love and if I had to do it again, I would. You need to to realize what a wonderful sacrifice you are making and how much your Mom appreciates it even if she can never tell you. Hospice can only do so much, they are helpful but its really up to the family and its a tough thing to do. Send me an e-mail if you want to talk. Sometimes it just helps to be able to talk to someone who knows and understands your feelings and what you're going thru. Sorry you have to go through this.