I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead. (Laura Kightlinger)
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
An English explorer was taking part in an expedition to the Himalayas. Led by a grizzled local guide, they ascended one of the less frequently climbed peaks. Roughly half way up the side of the mountain, one of the expedition came across a set of large manlike tracks in the snow. "Yeti tracks," the guide said with a gruff voice as he passed them. "One thing you must know before we proceed; do NOT, under any circumstances, touch the yeti."bigfootNo Film.jpg
The expedition heeded his warning and continued to climb the slope, night fell and the explorers set up their tents. In the dead of night the Englishman awoke to the sound of his tent entrance unzipping. Half asleep he looked up to see an enormous eight foot yeti standing above him. In fear for his life the explorer jumped up and ran out of the tent, banging into the yeti in the process. The yeti, after being touched by the explorer let out a deafening howl and began to chase the explorer down the slope.
The explorer ran away from the camp as quickly as his legs could take him, after he rounded a corner he looked behind him to see the bounding form of the yeti still chasing him.
So the explorer continued to run, reaching the bottom of the mountain in just two days, exhausted he paused to rest awhile. After just a few moments, the explorer began to hear the soft 'thud thud thud' of yeti feet on snow, he looked up the slope to see the yeti still chasing him and only moments away.
Bigfootwarming.jpg The explorer took off again, reaching a supply shack a couple of miles away, once there quickly buying a mountain bike and pedaling his way to the nearest town, some fifty miles away. The journey took him several days over the rough terrain and after his arrival he booked into a hotel to recuperate.
Two days later the man left his hotel to see about booking transport back to England. As soon as he turned around though he saw the form of the yeti on the horizon, bounding towards him at great speed. Mortified by this sight, the explorer hurriedly bought a car and drove it away from the village all the way to Delhi. Once he arrived, the man wasted no time in getting on the next plane to London.
After his arrival back in London, the man went back to his London home for a while to recover and to plan his next expedition. He had been there less than two weeks and was gazing out of a window when he saw a familiar large bounding, manlike creature running down his street; the man couldn't believe it, somehow the yeti had followed him to England.bigfootsasquats.jpg
The man had little choice but to run away again, he used any means he could, bike, car, or on foot to try to escape the yeti, but each time he looked behind him, it was just moments before the yeti came into view. Eventually the man made it all the way to Edinburgh and from there ran into the open Scottish countryside. He continued to run but the yeti just kept getting closer and closer, and in the end the man could run no more.
With the yeti less than a minute away from him, the man finally stopped and turned around to face the oncoming creature. With the last of his strength he stood up straight as the yeti caught up with him. The eight foot tall yeti towered above the man who could only stare in terror. The yeti extended his hand and poked the Englishman squarely in the chest with one long finger and with a low rumbling voice the yeti began to speak:
You are doing well, and I apologize I did not mean to imply you were unintelligent. I personally know how irritating it is to come across misspelled words, (especially in books.) My post did come across harsh, and I apologize again.
(Also there is an internet browser: Firefox, that helps by spell checking everything. Also has better virus protection than internet explorer, too.)
when you drop her off at the house she says, "If any law enforcement asks, we spent the night together, I was great in bed and have a mole right here. You know, if anyone asks."
Hunting in Alaska, Racing in the mountains of Arkansas, Boarding a suspicious vessel in the military, flying to the arctic, sailing in a storm, facing death... Adventure happens, you just have to realize and enjoy it when it happens to you.
A couple of my favorites are the white haired guy from Tank Girl and the Operative from Serenity, he shows how someone obeying the law and doing 'good' can be evil. For some fun reading check out the evil overlord list.
Even worse than all this is the people that get paid to make our lives miserable. I'm helping build a gas station in San Antonio. We've been waiting to get power from the city to the jobsite.
We cannot get any of our final inspections without power.
Last weds. they set the power pole and said they'd be out to set the transformer in 3-5 working days.
Apparently that's working days for CPS. (City public services,) which is at least 5-10 real working days.
And then 3-5 days after that they will set meters and give up power.
Today...a week and a day after they set the pole... the supervisor stopped by in his truck. Followed by two boom trucks. (Big trucks with cranes and buckets.) And a big flatbed with, low and behold!, a transformer.
The supervisor for CPS gets out of the truck and tells us he's just there to look at things, because they have an emergency to go deal with.
They spend a half hour standing in our parking lot talking and then take off without warning.
In the time they sat there, four trucks and 8 employees of CPS, they could have installed everything we needed.
The Bexar Met water Dept. is just as bad if not worse. We are currently being held up by a $3 dollar fee. And we went down there yesterday at until closing to pay all the fees and sort out all their holdups!!!!!
Add to that two holiday weeks, the vendors for the store showing up to stock before the building can be occupied, and the store and district managers for the store hanging around....
At elast I know that when I pay my utility bills, the money is going to good use
THEY NOT ONLY WALK AMONG US, REPRODUCE AND VOTE, THEY'RE IN CONTROL OF OUR WATER AND ELECTRICITY!!!!!
Is it weird that Clark Kent wears Chuck Norris pajamas?
Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll man the guns, you drive".
The Boogey Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
A man entered the local newspaper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
There was only one man ever to outsmart Chuck Norris, Steven Hawking, he got what he deserved.
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path
....And here lately, It's all forest and no trees.
Not something emotional. Something that once you give it, they use it as much as you do. (Your answer works, but not the classic answer, thus not the correct one.)
Did you manage to get some? (Sleep that is.) Glad to see you back. When I was on here a year and a half ago jokes, riddles, and humor were the most popular threads. Main reason I came back. Maybe everyone burned out. Will keep trying, tho.
1)What is it that you can keep after giving it to someone else? 2)What is round as a dishpan, deep as a tub, and still the oceans couldn't fill it up? 3)Scarcely was the father in this world when the son could be found sitting on the roof. 4)What goes up the chimney down, but can't go down the chimney up? 5)When one does not know what it is, then it is something; but when one knows what it is, then it is nothing.
kieyotie Forum Posts (615)
RE: WHAT WOULD SHOCK YOU THE MOST ON A FIRST DATE?
I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead. (Laura Kightlinger)