NorseMedic Forum Posts (143)

Standing up for yourself

I’ve been away for a while, but now I’m back and ready to rock you!

My question for you today is simply this: Do you demand what you deserve?

When was the last time you stood up for you and told a partner “I deserve this! You must give it to me or we’ll have to part our ways”.


I realized how I have felt like saying that a couple of times, but never did. And I think to myself why is that. Why do I make do with something ordinary when I deserve something extraordinary?

I tried it today. For a long time a mentor of mine has neglected his duties towards me. Promises where made that weren’t kept and I just crawled by the panels and hoped he would come around.
But after thinking about what I truly deserve I drove by his home and stood there right on his doorstep on his private property and told him that he could do better and he better do it, because I didn’t deserve the way he has been treating me and I won’t ignore it any longer. If he couldn’t give me what I asked for our ways had to part.
And he just stood there and listened and when I was done he nodded and said “Yes Valerie, you do deserve better and I can do better. I will have what you requested by Monday.”

I can’t begin to describe how good it felt. Not just that the things will get done, which is great. But the feeling of standing up for myself, drawing a line – for me! …it was really satisfying. It gave me a sense of self-esteem because I decided to respect myself enough to take action.


Sooner or later I will find someone and enter a relationship. When I do I will definitely not wait that long to show what I’m about and what I’m worth. It’s not that people shouldn’t know themselves, but sometimes they don’t realize that they are hurting. Sometimes they don’t realize the seriousness.

I, for one, will be more demanding in the future. I know what I want and I shouldn’t be afraid to voice it.

Are you good at standing up for yourself and voicing what you want?

RE: The worst excuse ever......?

I totally misunderstood that. (You think IT glows in the dark? That's not really attractive, now is it? )

RE: Craziest thing you have done to get a date with someone!

Hey hun.


Beware of Stalker Girl.

RE: Craziest thing you have done to get a date with someone!

I once tried to be someone’s secret admirer because I thought it would be fun, until one of my friends told me the guy thought he was being harassed.


I got a date with him later on the old fashioned way but I actually never told him I was his creepy stalker-friend. It just tried to be nice.

RE: Guys..what does it mean?

When he says he want to talk about it, it makes me think that the topic is open for discussion - and that's a good thing IMO.

People who just agree to be together but don't talk about what that would eventually mean usually end up hurting each other, unfortunately. For some it means being exclusive, for others it don't. For some it means that you're about to move in together, for others it just means that you hang out a little more...


If he didn't like you he wouldn't spend time with you, right? So it probably doesn't indicate anything in that way. It probably just means that A) he needs some time to thing about it, which he is probably doing now, and B) that he wants the two of you to be on the same page and agreed on what it means that you are seeing each other regularly, or whatever the two of you find out that you are.


Just take it easy and see what he says. At least he wants to talk about it with you - which probably means it's not the last time he sees you?

The Eternal Three (about female love)

A great Danish poem about the love of women. In the original language it rimes, but I hope you will like it anyway.

THE ETERNAL THREE by Tove Ditlevsen

There are two men in the world
That keep crossing my path
One is the person I love
The other loves me back

One is in a nightly dream
That lives in my darkest mind
The other stands by the door to my heart
I'll never let him in

One gave me a gush of spring
of happiness that was soon to pass
The other gave me all his life
And never got an hour in return

One is streaming in the song of my blood
Where love is pure and free
The other is one with the sad day
That dreams drown in

Every woman stands between the two
In love, loved and pure
Once every hundred years it may be
The two melt together as one



WOMEN: Do you feel this way? That there are always 2 kind of men: The ones you love and the ones that love you... and that it's hard to find that one person that is both?

RE: CS Get-together Picnic, Norris Dam Park, Knoxville, TN, Saturday, August 16th

Is it alright to bring a NOT-CS friend?

By coincidence I'm in the area in Tennessee with one of my friends, visiting her family and getting to see more of this great country. But it think it would be unfair to just ditch her, even for you guys.

RE: Why do men not want to get married any more?

My brother wished for "experiences to have together" - so they got travels and movie tickets and a years membership of an ice skating range and also skates... All sorts of cool stuff.

I'm gonna do that too I think.

RE: Why do men not want to get married any more?

Presents aren't all that cool at a wedding. I really don't have any needs for a SUPER-PRO BLENDER 3000!

RE: The Flirting Poll .

I like innocent flirting like smiling at someone, but I prefer being outspoken and clear about my intentions when talking etc.

RE: Why do men not want to get married any more?

I totally understand that. It's not that I'm firmly PRO marriage. I just see some benefits to it, besides cake on the wedding day.

RE: Why do men not want to get married any more?

But where are you from? The laws are different from each country. I know it can be a bit frustrating in the US because of all the laws and it's almost impossible without the help of an attorney, a little easier in Denmark though.

Are you not originally from the UK? Or do I remember wrong.

RE: Why do men not want to get married any more?

The will has to be approved through an attorney, just writing one on a napkin is seldomly enough.

And with all the rules and laws and regulation, it's hard to make a will unless "everything goes to my spouse".

And in case of a break up the will would have to be changed.



It's just as complicated as getting married and divorced, so I don't see why making a will should be more efficient.
And it doesn't have any advantages when it comes to breaking apart.

RE: 10 Ways to Annoy Someone - choose your favourite

I've once walked through a drive-through. They didn't care and it's much faster than going into the restaurant!

RE: Why do men not want to get married any more?

If my partner didn’t want to marry me I would never have children with him.

It’s not because of romance. But the truth is that legally there’s no better way to insure one another in case of death, divorce or other bad situations.

If a guy with children dies and he’s not married to the mom, then everything he owes is inherited on to his children because they will be considered the closest relatives – most likely through a lawyer who will watch over the fund until the children become of age.
This means that the mom will actually have to buy half her house, car etc. back from her children (considering she and her boyfriend shared those expenses equally) and what kind of person has the money for that, even if a life insurance is made?
Another aspect to consider is if one of the persons in the relationship has children from a previous relationship and this person die. When numerous families and exes are involved things tend to get real messy and unless the spouse is married to the diseased my guess is that he or she will not be able to get any money what so ever (and again we’re back to the fact that it may mean selling ones home, car etc.).

On top of that marriage is a great insurance if the couple ever splits up.

I firmly believe that it’s only fair that any amount of money and everything of value earned within the relationship/marriage should be split equally.

In many American families the mom stays at home to take care of the children while her husband is making the money. But he would not have been able to pursue his career and still have a family if it wasn’t for the wife’s sacrifices. He would either have no family at all or he wouldn’t have made as many bucks every month because he would be a single dad and prioritise that more (not having someone able to take over whenever he had to work late).
On top of this he will be able to put money aside for savings, retirement etc. that the woman can’t because she either doesn’t have a job or is working only part-time. It’s a totally unfair situation that she should be economical punished for the choice they made in unison for her to take care of the house and family if they ever split up.

Sorry to say I don’t know a lot of people who are fair with their partner when it comes to breaking up. I’ve never heard of someone being noble and saying “Of course (s)he deserves half of everything I owe, without him/her I couldn’t live the life I’ve had over the years together”. It’s all mine, I and me and “Why should I share when it was ME making all the money”.


I know I will someday make a good living for myself, which makes it even more important for me to protect my spouse through marriage. I’m just a person and hurt enough I can go into revenge-mode where I’m not thinking straight or even remotely fair. But everything you built as a family is a result of the love and support you get from your spouse. No matter what happens later on that can never be taken away from either of you. If I want children and a career too I’m depended on my (imaginary) spouse’s help. Without him I would either go childless or have to cut back seriously on my working time and thus my career.
Which at the end of the day means that I would not be able to fulfil my dreams without him and he deserves that credit and respect no matter if he cheats or lies or hurt me later on.

RE: I was just wondering what was the last book/books you bought ???

Lars Ulrich once told me he sucked at drumming but just kinda learned as the band got more and more popular.

I met him on the train on my way to school when I was still living in Denmark. Cool guy.

RE: I was just wondering what was the last book/books you bought ???

Color Atlas and Textbook of Diagnostic Microbiology by Elmer W. Koneman

Wintrobe's Clinical Hematology (2 Vol. Set) by John P. Greer

and for fun: Il Principe by Niccoló Machiavelli (if I by change should one day become the Ruler of the World)

RE: Whom would you match on CS?

I'm a lazy narcissist. Has anyone matched me with somebody?

If only Claayer was a man.

Should I go on a date with this guy?

I will, thanks for the advice again.

Should I go on a date with this guy?

I know, but when you don't have a lot of experience with dating and stuff, it can sometimes be difficult to know if you're interpreting things correctly.

Should I go on a date with this guy?

If you suddenly hear about a double homicide in Texas where one was OD'ed against will and the other shot, don't be surprised if I stop making weird posts on the board.



Haha, I'm just kidding.


OR am I?



Haha, naah just joking...


... Maybe!







...

Should I go on a date with this guy?

Thanks for the help guys, makes me feel more comfortable about my decision knowing I'm not just being paranoid or something.

Should I go on a date with this guy?

My roommate may have guns, but I got untraceable drugs and syringes in my cabinet... (Just kidding, I have no drugs and I have no idea if she brings her firearm(s) to our house and I refuse to even know. I hate guns).


Anyway, I think I agree with you. I haven't been flirtatious with him so I haven't sent mixed signals like that. Only friendly.
And I think I will stick to the "I don't want to mess up our friendship"-decliner, don't want to drag my roomie into it.

Should I go on a date with this guy?

I agree. But I'm getting a feeling that perhaps the day will come soon where he finally gets the nerve to ask me out. Is there any way I could turn him down without making things embarrassing?

Should I go on a date with this guy?

I have the same feeling!!

I feel like a gazella about to be eaten by a crocodile named DRAMA.

Should I go on a date with this guy?

When I first landed in this God forsaken/chosen country I didn’t know a soul.

I live in a small 2-bedroom apartment with a shared living/dining/cooking area. My flat mate is a young woman recently out of the police academy and we really get along – she calls me her best friend and it’s mutual.

Anyway, rewind to me getting to America. She took me in when I had nowhere else to go. She had lived with her boyfriend, but they broke up because they felt more like friends than lovers.
Her (ex) boyfriend really helped me getting settled, he went furniture shopping with me and carried all my stuff back to the place. He helped us paint the whole joint. I really got to know him pretty well.

He’s in and out of our apartment along with other friends and he’s just a really great guy. My roommate is now seeing someone else, and the two guys get along great too.
Six months after I moved in my roommate started to joke about me dating her ex. I either ran along with the joke in a sarcastic tone (“Yeah, wouldn’t THAT be something straight out of The Bold and the Beautiful?”) or simply just ignored it.
It has now been a year since I moved in and suddenly things are getting a bit too serious for my liking.

Her ex stops by more often now, often just to hang out with my roomie’s boyfriend "for no reason in particular" and basically ignores me/acts strange when doing so, or he hangs just with the two of us and suddenly everything's cool between us. He seeks me out when being HER guest if I’m home just to chat and hear about my day… It’s pretty obvious he likes me a lot.
And my roomie keeps saying in a suddenly-not-so-joking fashion that she would be totally okay with me dating him.
I think perhaps she’s in on it.

I find it kinda weird, this whole idea of me dating him. In my head he’s just my roomie’s ex, nothing else.
But still, I have fun around him and he seems like a really cool guy. I just don’t know if I got the right chemistry with the guy, I’ve never considered him date material (he was off limits) so I never looked at him that way.

So the question remains… Should I take the chance or should I bail?

I’m afraid of trouble with my roommate in spite of all the things she says, and I’m afraid of trouble in general since he’s part of the group of people I hang with… Don’t s… where you eat, right?

Hm… YOU decide!

RE: putting yourself out there

You miss 100% of the chances you never take.

RE: putting yourself out there

I truly believe it’s about opening your heart and put yourself in situations where you get to meet people of interest.

I wouldn’t say that I have given up, but I just don’t look. I think that if you have “In Need Of Relationship NOW” painted all over your face you will scare people off. They need to get to know you first.
But I don’t fidget around either. If I see a man that captures my eye and interest I seek him out and ask him do get a cup of coffee with me. I do think that some women tend to just sit around and not do anything themselves. But in my experience men are just these big buffoons who wouldn’t get a hint if it got up and punched them in the face. So smiling and looking cute could just result in the men thinking, “Wow, she had too much caffeine or what?” and going on their own business.


Love is about taking chances and sometimes it doesn’t pay off. It sucks when it doesn’t, but then we wouldn’t enjoy it as much when it did.

RE: It didnt work out............

I don't know you, but I'm sorry that it didn't work out. But a beautiful girl like you should be more than able to find another match so I hope you won't let this experience put you out too much, and stay in "the game".

Does the writing skills affect your interest?

EXACTLY MY POINT!

You use spell check = YOU MAKE AN EFFORT! You try! You do the best you can with the skills you got and that is more than enough for me.

So I'm not referring to you at all.