I was and still am my Dad's girl. He lived long enough to see me graduate high school and know that I was settled into a job.
I am the youngest of five and had a special bond with Dad - there were things we did together that he didn't do with the other four. Sitting up at the airport, just watching the planes take off and land or spending the day at Heritage Park, those were special times for me. He also bought me my first two horses and eventhough he was paranoid that I would get hurt, he never missed a horse show or gymkana, I knew he was always there to cheer me on!
My Dad always made me feel safe, loved, valued. He would laugh at my antics, and honestly I think he still does - in the back of my mind I can hear him chuckling at me, shaking his head and likely sprouting a few more grey hairs.
Do I look for my Dad in a partner? I don't think so - I'm not certain anyone could fill his shoes (eventhough I know he wasn't perfect). But I do like the idea of feeling safe, loved, valued and protected by a special man. Guess I've figured out why.
Well, the violence does seem to be spreading. There are two robins on the neighbors roof who appear to be having a rather loud disagreement. Neither one is backing off....oh no, they've come to blows. Now it's wing to wing combat...one is assaulting the other!
Some of this discussion is therapeutic, some to kill time. This is one of the best threads I've seen on here in a while (thanks again Big John) and it's good to be able to share thoughts and perspectives with people from other places.
Sometimes I find myself wondering 'why I am here' - but that may be a topic for another thread.
....maybe that's the point. Perhaps out of the upheaval, stress, inconvenience, and quite literally 'lightening the load', it does mean taking a risk to find yourself in a place of happiness and peace. What better place to welcome a special person into?
I felt much the same way when I moved here - I sold off as much as I could - the rest was packed in the back of the 1/2 ton that I had at the time and I loaded up my 2 cats and headed to Manitoba. I stopped for a coffee at one point and took a look at my truck - it made me think of 'Beverly Hillbillies' - and I had to laugh. I was certainly scared of the unknown, but excited at the same time and realised that pretty much all that mattered to me - in the material sense - was sitting in that truck. And I've pared down since then, the stuff in my house can be replaced - so that leaves the cat and me. My family will always be there but they are involved in their own lives, as are friends. And I'm okay with that.
I really enjoy the Spring (except for the flooding) - one of my favorite things to do is go on a drive out of town and look for all the 'new babies' out in the pastures. Short of going for a good walk (or hike depending on where I am) or being out in my yard, this always puts me in good spirits.
'This is something I had to figure out last year.'
How many people actually take the time to figure this out? You see, this makes sense to me. This is a part of our journey, learning this 'stuff' about yourself. While I don't necessarily want to be alone - geez, I'd really like it if I could find someone to be a part of a couple with, I'm not willing to 'settle' for someone who wouldn't be appropriate to who I am and the 'me inside'. This may mean that I remain single - and I've accepted that possibility. Does that mean that everything is put on hold? No. I do what I want, go where I want and perhaps I'll meet 'him' somewhere along the way.
'I think its totally possible to be happy alone, yes. And alot of people do,sadly depend upon others to make them happy'
I agree with this, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Some people just don't like being alone, they seem to need to have people around them all the time. Maybe they are not comfortable with their own company - I don't know.
I enjoy my own company - always have. I like being around people at other times. However I know myself better than anybody else does and know what it takes to make me happy (surprisingly, not much). I am not looking 'for' someone to make me happy - I already am happy. If anything, I am looking for someone to be happy 'with'.
prairiewoman Forum Posts (1,397)
RE: smells
vanillaapple pie fresh out of the oven
lavender
lilacs
carnations
freshly mowed lawn
the smell just after it rains
the smell of a man