Hon, NO ONE has the shape of a Barbie Doll... Having the shape of a Barbie Doll is like a guy having the shape of a Ken doll.. unrealistically impossible.. Saw something on TV once how they showed a picture of a real live woman and through computerizing her shape the same dimensions like a Barbie Doll, she looked like some kind of alien... seriously, it was a joke.
Thanks for your concern, but I'm 100 percent better... and I don't think none of us here are taking medication without medical support to handle our depression. And I definitely would make an objection and have extreme concern for their safety and well being to those don't seek medical attention and turn to alcohol or illegal street drugs... Depression has to be diagnosed and treated by a doctor whether it's theraputal, with medication or both.
As far as native cultures and 3rd world countries, I think that just getting food in their bellies along with vaccinations against fatal diseases and the spread of Aids first is of their utmost concern. Unfortunately, because of this, most of them don't live long enough to be diagnosed with depression.
Hi again, Again, you are taking it too personally... And in an extremely negative way... But now I just really, really looked at your primary photo... you look "pissed" off for some reason.. giggle... Honestly you do. No smile, etc. Again, I'm not saying a photo is more important than the profile, but in a way pictures speak louder than words sometimes. And you DO look pissed off!! How about posting a primary photo showing a nice, friendly, warm smile... let's see those pearly whites lighting up a handsome face instead!
Giggle.. I guess it's one of those things that if you don't experience it yourself, or have someone close to you experience it... it's something that maybe you'll never really quite understand... Anyways, I gotta hand it to ya! I'm new here and after reading some of your other posts on other boards, you have one GREAT flamboyant personality!! I admire that.
Good for you...and I'm happy for you that you never found yourself with the condition. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. But since you don't know what it really is, please try to keep in mind that it's hard to just speculate on something you never experienced. Just be grateful and hopeful that you never will experience it. But if something like that does happen to you, you may sing a different tune. It can happen to anyone, anytime. Even you.
Good for you!!... A great pep talk to yourself every morning does help... You know what else might...? Excersise (even though you definitely don't look like you need it! :) ) But working out whether in a club, Jogging, etc is a great reliever... another is maybe a Yoga class (most YMWA's or YMCA's <-- yes, they also cater to women, have classes that are great and cheaper too.) which teaches you forms of meditation which can be also a good alternative. (I'm thinking of joining one myself)
Oh, I'm not trying to put across to those that actually need the perscription.. Just the fact that these commercials are trying to turn regular ordinary people to diagnosing themselves, s'all. Acid reflux can be serious, it eats away at your esophogas (I learned that from the commercial though, giggle) <-- see what I mean? Love, Ann
I agree too.. my 8 year old kid has a "sensory disorder", which basically means that he has a need to be constantly stimulated by something... whether it's physical or mental. The kid is extremely smart because he pushes himself for that stimulation. By me reading to him, he actually learned how to pronounce words on his own by the age of two and was able to read by himself. What offsets that is his immaturity, he talks out in class, gets bored extremely fast, very fidgety, etc. I get a call from his teacher at least once every two weeks despite how I explained to her what his condition is and how to handle him using simple excersises and NO DRUGS!! How I agree with you? I do because for some reason nowadays they put "labels" on kids when in our days, they were just known to be hyper. Now right away, everyone wants to put these kids on drugs, not really for the kids own good, but for the PARENTS and the TEACHERS who don't want to take the time to cope. I remember when I was in elementary school, we did "jumping jacks" to relieve that built up hyperness that happens not only to kids like mine, but every kid has some form of a "sensory disorder" in one way or another.. Teachers don't do that anymore... So when his teacher calls me because of his hyper activity, I refer her back to the book (called the "Out of Sync Child") I lent her at the beginning of the school year.. and encourage her to read it... at least the chapter referring to teachers and how to cope with children like this. Simple excersise that take a few seconds. Don't get me wrong, when my son DOES something wrong, etc.. he does get punished.. I take priveledges away... but also realize that I know why he's doing it, and now that he is getting older, trying to teach him more ways to control his behavior on his own.
Yep, I know what you mean... there's a line between chronic depression and just those that feel sorry for themselves from time to time and want attention. Depression is a heck a of a lot deeper than that... something we WANT to control, but just can't on our own. None of us WANTS to be depressed. It's like being in a deep well that you can't get out of on your own. It even has nothing to do with self pity.. it's deeper than that.. much deeper. And you know what? Your terminology is more correct than mine... Trauma TRIGGERS depression, doesn't "cause" it. You are right about that. That imbalance in the brain could be there beforehand (I just never was told in that way by my doctor), but now that you mention it.. that is possible. And it sounds more plausable. That would explain why some have better "coping skills" than others... Thank you for that correction. :)
Hopefully those that don't understand how truly horrible depression can be, now have a better insight on it... it's nothing to be ashamed of, but should be looked at as any serious physical ailment. Maybe it's not like cancer, it's not life threatening (to an extent-sometimes it could lead to that though), but it's something that should be noticed as serious like any other ailment, like MS, or diabetes.. etc. It may have some tendancies to be part-psychological, but even in cases of other serious physical ailments, they could affect the person psychologically as well.
Here we do.. they got a commercial now for just about every drug immaginable.. it's disgusting to a point... all the way from Acid Reflux "disorder" <-- (they call it now.. it used to be heartburn) to male impotency.. They are making the public determine if they need the perscription instead of leaving it to the doctors themselves! Imagine going to a doctor and telling him/her.. "Well, I saw this commercial on TV about a perscription that I want... perscribe it to me because I have the symptoms". Ridiculous!!
One thing I have to disagree though, what happens in your life can cause depression, which causes the trauma, which causes the imbalance in your brain to begin with. It's gotta start somewhere, for some reason... it just doesn't happen on it's own like a birth defect or something like that. But I DO agree, it can and will control your life if you don't seek help.
I'm a fellow depression sufferer and was put on anti-depressants myself against my better judgement... I gotta tell you though that I do agree with you to a certain extent. I think the pharmacutical companies are overstepping their boundaries along with stuffing their pockets full of money with their constant intimidating advertisements to get perscriptions for their drugs. I've never seen such an explosion of this, and it's all over the place! What I do find though, clinical depression is not just mental, but physical as well. It's caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain due to intense trauma, constant bad circumstances or a complete change in lifestyle for the worse. It causes sleeplessness/or sleeping too much, stomach problems/ulcers, heart conditions, anxiety disorders among many other physical symptoms that can lead to much worse physical conditions. It also depends on a person's ability to cope with their situation... everyone's coping skills are different.. some can cope better than others. Some need help to cope. True depression is not just having a "bad day" once in a while... EVERY day feels like a bad day.. and that's a horrible feeling. People who have depression have to take each day at a time with a constant hope that tomorrow will be better, and usually find that it isn't. Things they used to do that they really enjoyed doing before isn't important anymore. They kind of just sit around doing nothing.. feeling every move is exhausting to them and not worth it. Every aspect in their life is affected... job, children, household, finances... etc. It can and WILL get worse if they don't seek help, either through therapy and/or therapy with drugs. Mine started after my seperation... and now everything is much better because I did seek help.
Hope this helps you understand a little better.. Love, Ann
Oh dear, I can relate about being married to an abusive man and how it can eat up your confidence. I know exactly how you feel about having low self esteem, I've been there. But you know how I crawled out of that? Well for starters, I didn't do it alone and I didn't do it with another man either... I did it along with a group of people that were going thru exactly the same thing I was going through. I joined a support group in my area.
I find that people like us, especially those coming from disasterous relationships need to surround ourselves with people who understand, putting thoughts aside of starting a new relationship with anyone else and to work on ourselves first. That is something I've found we must do before beginning anything new with someone. It's so important to work on ourselves and love ourselves again to truly love and be loved and most important FEEL loved in return.
There were about 25 people in my group.. young, old, male, female.. seperated, freshly divorced, divorced for years and widowed all sharing those similar feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem. Sharing those experiences and hearing them from others can work wonders on yourself and make you feel more like the real true survivor that you are and less of a victim. The strength you can gain from knowing you are now a survivor is priceless. And to realize that you really aren't alone. The "coordinators" which run the group pick topics that you can talk about and urge you to participate... helping you realize that you are important, you are beautiful, you don't deserve what you have received and in time when you have truly grown strong enough to crawl out of that pit yourself with those "friends" helping you out of it, you'll see where I am coming from. And how I survived not only by helping myself with the help of this newfound "family" but also along with helping others to survive as well. You can make friends, good friends that understand. Being new here, I already know that there are some great people here on this site too...you can make good friends and seek great advice here too, but sometimes we also need in addition to it, to surround ourselves with people also on a personal, face to face level ALONG with being here. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to force you in any direction... but I do sincerely believe that if you join a support group within your area you'll find yourself on the road to healing... and most of all.. loving yourself again. Then you can truly share your love, be loved in return and especially know the you DESERVE to be loved..
Please, take it from me, joining a support group can help change your life... it did mine... please look into it.
Love, Prayers for you... you shall overcome Love, Ann
Obviously, looking at the time I'm posting this, I have a real problem here.. 1:30 am now and still can't seem to fall asleep. My real problem is that when I finally do get to sleep it's always around 3 in the morning, then I get up at 6 am and get my 8 year old ready for school and on the bus, then I fall back to sleep again until around 11 am or so.. I know that it's not good, what if the school calls for whatever reason and I need to pick him up, etc. I've never had problems like this before, it started about a month ago and I can't seem to get out of it. I know it can be part of "divorce hood" but this is getting ridiculous and I don't know how to stop it. I'm not into taking drugs, medications... any suggestions?
I can totally relate, I have an 8 year old son and that very question bothers me too. I also think it's important that any new involvement with any man should be taken extremely slowly especially around the kids. To begin with, dates should be on the days your ex's have the children (visitation, weekends) not only because it's wiser not to let your children know that you are dating another man right away, but to also get to know the man and his attitude towards children. It's good if he also has children of his own, so he can somewhat relate to you. Taking things slowly is the key. Afterwards, introducing children to the new man in your life I feel should be introduced to them as a friend. Especially with the younger ones. No kissing in front of them, no overnite stays, etc. Go on an outing together with the kids, like a park, etc where they can play and get to know the new man in your life in a setting that's comfortable and fun for them. It also gives you a chance to see how he interacts with your kids. If he has kids, invite them all over to play with your kids... see how they interact. Then slowly take it from there. What you never might want them to think is that the new man will replace their father... but to let them know that he is a very good friend and wants to be their friend too. I'm not sure myself how far to go as to start showing more interest towards him in front of the kids besides friendship. That's a toughy... that's something you need to play by ear and it also depends on how your kids feel about him too.
I hope this helps sharing my opinion that this is the way I'll probaby approach it when the time comes, but like I said, it depends on the guy, and how your kids feel about it.
Well, my personal opinion, as a woman in my forties, why I don't prefer men who are too much younger than me is because realistically, I feel intimidated in a way. It's not because of insecurity or anything like that, it's because I feel that it's not fair in a way to a man who is younger (five years or more). Having children is one of my stronger issues with it being that I am at the age where it could be extremely risky. Therefore having children with me would almost be out of the question, unless adoption is an alternative. Also, since I've been "around the block" so to speak prefer someone who is on the same level, close to my age along with being intellectually, financially and emotionally about the same as myself. I'm not speaking for everyone, just myself and I certainly do realize that some younger men would fit into the same catagory as I am, but I guess that intimidation just kind of turns me off to the idea.
<And the phrase "the timings not right" was mentioned one too many times.> :
That uneasy feeling you must've gotten... will make you wiser the next time. Maybe helping you realize those "red flags" when you feel them floating invisibly above your head. I know now never to ignore those "red flags"... We are not fools, just "students" in a wierd way learning as we go along not to make the same mistakes. You are not unworthy of him... he is unworthy of you. So who is the fool?
I agree, I think most just look the pictures without even reading the profiles even. But if I were you, I wouldn't take their ignorance personally, really. Take into consideration that if someone doesn't talk to you, or stops talking to you, then they were not for you to begin with. Also, it could be a matter of distance. Some of us ladies are divorced, with young children and also consider the distance in their quest for their soulmate, choosing those that are closer to home and avoiding those that are from another state into consideration because of the fact that they share joint custody of their children with their ex's and might find it not feasable to correspond with someone so far away. I noticed that a lot of men who I may be interested in or are interested in me are from across the country. It's tough. Although it's nice to make friends, but in most cases, that's as far as it goes especially with women in that kind of situation.
Wishing you all the best wishes and luck in your "quest".. you'll find her.
Love, Ann from Freehold, NJ (with an 8 year old son sharing joint custody with ex)
Definitely made me more wiser... I wouldn't say the word "skeptical".. but in most of us we have our own inner "red flags" that pop up and wave when we feel something isn't right, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Whether you notice your mate overdrinks too much, has a controlling attitude, etc. etc. Unfortunately, some fall into the catagory of being "blinded by love" and ignore those perpetuous inner flags which leads into a disasterous relationship most of the time. I wouldn't even compare these "flags" to baggage... more to "mistakes" instead. So that's where wisdom comes in... That wisdom is to no longer ignore those "red flags"... No matter how attractive, financially secure or whatever "other" qualities they may have that might cause you to overlook your own flags. Sooo rely more on your own instincts... a relationship should be a two way street and you should be happy too. You have your own aspects of what a relationship should be, mind you I realize no one is perfect... but that uneasy feeling you may get when meeting someone is trying to tell you that you might make the same mistakes again if you stay with this person. Better to move on to the next who is more worthy. Love, Ann
Well, along with the others, I do agree it's not really a good idea to post a question if you are attractive, when you are... It kinda puts a bad taste across to some, an aura of insecurity about yourself towards the men, and I hate to say it, but some women are very competitive and when they see a post like yours, it may rise a "jealous" streak, if you know what I mean. But please understand, jealousy is a powerful, negative emotion and extremely unhealthy whether you are the victim of someone else, or the person who is actually feeling this negative emotion. My most gentle advice to you, is not to instigate anything.
BUT in your defense, it depends on your situation as well. I don't know you, what brought you here and the reasons why you are here.. the only thing I could do is to explain my past situation and see if it's similar to yours. My ex husband was extremely abusive. He was a control freak, an alcoholic and a narcissist. What that means is that he got his rocks off on putting people down to make himself feel better about himself. Throughout our 10 years of marriage he had called me stupid, ugly, not good enough and advised me to kill myself to put myself out of my own misery. This of course caused a tremendous blow to my confidence. After a lengthy time in support groups, etc.. I've come to realize that what he said was definitely NOT TRUE.. and that he did it because of the simple fact that HE was insecure and just needed to put others down to make himself feel better about his own insecurity.. Sooo, if you had a similar experience, then I can understand why you are questioning your appearance. You just need to be reasurred, you need a confidence boost.. that is understandable... but this is not the place to get it. Better to join a support group and work on your self esteem... You ARE very attractive... coming from a sincere, non-competitive woman. Now you just need to tell yourself that within your OWN mind... don't depend on others to tell you so unless it's your special someone you're looking for.. because only HIS opinion counts. Hope I helped, Love, Ann
I've noticed a lot of men in my area, Northeast (NJ,PA,NY) don't have their pictures posted on here... Not that looks are at the utmost priority... but it's nice to "see" who you are corresponding with, ya know.. so come on guys, have someone take a digital photo of you, or even take one of yourself in a mirror, something. Dont be bashful now!
LOL! Or the guy with a woman's face chopped off leaving her hair flowing over his shoulder.. where the heck is the rest her!! LOL Really have some taste.
As a spiritual person myself, I can understand your thread but in my general opinion, it's somewhat hard to decipher, no offense.. really. I respect your interest in knowing. So this is what I can try to relate my opinion to what you are asking:
I would want to spend the rest of my life intimate with just one person, but it's important to also get to know the person first. That can take time. Morality is in the eyes of the beholder. I agree that it is not a good idea to be intimate with someone right away, it's extremely important to be with someone you care deeply about/love and loves you in return. But to just kiss someone without having some kind of attachment, chemistry.. something.. I would'nt just kiss anyone I wanted either.. (unless it's a friendly one on the cheek) cause sometimes a kiss is just a kiss as the song goes...Why would I just want to kiss someone without future intentions, that's my point.
First of all, I would like to let you know that I totally can relate to you. I too have a young son who is 8 and share joint custody with my ex husband. I too believe that children shouldn't be seperated from their fathers and vice versa. I am new at this internet dating thing and I've noticed that many men are from different states, far away from where I live. It's true that because of it, those like us do have to narrow our choices... but who says we are the ones that need to relocate? Maybe there is that "special" one that we've been searching for who is willing to relocate to us? That special one that maybe doesn't have kids of his own or they are fully grown and out on their own already, or one that has full custody and willing to move to you. You are obviously a loving, caring mother along with being attractive and deserve to have a good man to stand by your side..and believe me, it's only a matter of time for the both of us... so keep your spirits up... your true love will come to you..
Well, coming from an old fogey like me, I'm not sure what the lingo would be for you now, but when I was your age, I always liked someone to approach me with a "Hi", my name is so and so, what's yours? No lines, be respectful, offer to shake your hand but instead of shaking it, just squeeze hers slighly, respectfully. Then ask her what she likes to do and take it from there. If the conversation, etc. makes you feel comfortable, then it's a good start, if she makes you feel uncomfortable, then maybe she's not for you. You should be able to tell right away if you click. Generally, just be yourself and the right one will accept you for what you are. Ann
Definitely pay attention to the red "flags" and if anyone here is recovering from a disasterous relationship, you know what your "flags" are.. Don't make the mistake of overlooking them, even if the guy/gal is a handsome hunk or a georgeous beauty.
Be friends FIRST.. correspond a lengthy time before meeting, really get to know the person, make sure you are compatible. And most important, try to look PAST the pretty or handsome faces. It's great to be physically attracted to eachother, but it's even greater to be emotionally attracted as well.
I was watching it on the morning TV news, at first I thought it was some kind of spoof or joke then realized out of horror it was real.
I live in New Jersey, and when word got out that blood was needed, everyone started lining up at the blood banks, including myself to donate. We could actually smell the smoke all the way from Manhatten in the air.
I was seperated from my husband in Oct 2004, afterwards I joined a support group for seperated/divorced/widowed people. Two of which were woman who lost both their husbands in that tragedy. They still attend the meetings to this day.
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RE: if u met me u wud [blank]
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