armyman228 Poetry (17)

God do you have a minute can we talk
I know it’s been a long time but this road I’m on its getting hard to walk
And when the day is gone I find myself lost in thought
Like how the hell did we get here and when did the love just disappear
Or does it just appear to be gone because my life’s been one struggle to another
They say in god were all brothers well how the hell can we rape and kill each other
It’s like the worlds gone crazy a murder takes place and the media replays it daily
They said Jesus saved me but I’m still in trouble
If were made from dirt mine must have come from the rubble of a collapsed structure
Because all my life I’ve been self destructive it’s no wonder the devils my sworn enemy
I can’t even be a friend to me sometimes I sit and wait for the end to come to me
I guess it aint meant to be they say god has a plan a time and place all you have to do is pray
So I say God take me and use me break the mold of the old me and set free the one I’m supposed to be
Let thy will be done upon me one people united under the promise of a golden sun.

On a bright hot lonely day in an elementary school a couple blocks away the weatherman called for a forecast of early graves
In classroom full of kids whose only job was to be well behaved who’d thought there was a monster on the way
See something in his mind snapped and he’d gone insane pulled a gun on his mother in a fit of rage
I can only imagine the look on her face as she closed her eyes and she prayed before the gunshot that took her life away
Now he’s on a mission to show the world his pain packed a bag full of guns for the start of the school day
A 1st grade teacher with blood on his face stumbled out into the hallway to give the kids a chance to run away
A small school laid to waste the bodies of our future littered the place a young man with a heart filled with hate saved one last bullet so he could escape.

How we forget
Those that have sacrificed lives
Died on foreign soil so we can reap the spoils
Of a war where we traded blood for oil
Or the tomb with the unmarked grave
With eyes that’ll never see the light of day
Or the pain in a child’s face
When her mom says her dad he’s gone away
How about the ones left to die praying for one more day
While we sit at the dinner table and we say grace
Nightmares in the night his heart it starts to race
Meanwhile the media they talk away
They say this is a price we had to pay
But they never spent a night in a foreign place
He watched his friends die for our misplaced hate
Or our blind faith in a leader who contemplates
To get rich before his eight years are up and he walks away
Promised to bring them home but still they stay
We voted for Obama to get a new change
Four years and he’s running again with a killer main event
They killed Osama and video- taped but how we forget
Still they stayed

Your heartbeat is the sweetest music
And I would never take your love and use it
And abuse it and turn it into something it was never meant to be
Something ugly and obscene you just gotta trust me when I say that just aint me
I wanna be the man that you see when you close your eyes and you dream
I want to give you a kiss straight out of a movie scene
I wanna hold you close and let cupid play host to a life that involves you and me
If hearts could scream mine would be crying in agony
Because I ripped it out of my chest and wore it on my sleeve so you can see
Exactly who I am and what I’m trying to be
Now real knows real so do you recognize me
I’m knocking on the door will you answer for me
Cause I need to know if I’m the heart to your beat or a stranger in the street

Walking alone in the dark countless shadows pass me by I can’t see their faces but I hear their cry. We’re all looking for love but afraid to try. I close my eyes and raise my hands to the sky. I ask god why but I get no reply. I fall to ground and begin to cry lightning crashes and I’m forced to open my eyes. I’m left breathless by the angel descending from the sky. I rise from the ground with no sound in this darkness I’m found. Lightning crashes and my eyes are filled with her beauty and I’m no longer what I used to be. Long lost feelings come alive in her arms I’m a new me. I’m finally free to begin again. I can feel my stomach tightening, we kiss and all that’s left is lightning.

Your love was like a light it was blinding It could set fire to the darkest night and like a moth to a flame I was attracted to the site and I stand forever gazing never losing sight at times it flickered and almost died out only to rise from the ashes burning bright the wind came and tried to beat you down but you held on and rose from the ground I watched you shed tears but never make a sound instead they turned to stars and touched the sky you lit the world when you walked by and when the earth threw stones you gave it warmth and after all the years your flame finally flickered out I was still watching the end of a life that the world is lost without an undying love that shined to bright.

I lost a friend today and there’s so many things I wish I could say but I'm too late. I still remember the way you smiled. What I wouldn’t give for one more day. One more chance to heal your pain. I remember you loved the rain. You would run out and scream my name. I always knew you were brave. I left some roses on your grave. I was the only one to see the bruises on your face. When he came home you’d hide at my place. When he knocked on the door your heart would race but you always came back the next day. One of your secrets that I would never say. Your father came home drunk everyday. When he beat your mom you’d jump in the way. One day he forgot he loved you and didn’t stop. Someone called the cops and reported shots. I loved you so much and now it hurts to say. I lost a friend and her name was Jane.

Misery is the sound of madness it kills all emotion only leaving sadness and when the darkness calls you are left unguarding and that’s when you start to fall doing things you had never imagined its starts small things you can’t recall then suddenly you can’t feel at all and that’s when you start to scratch at the last crack of light when it shatters you try to make sense but your thoughts are scattered and you start to wonder if it ever truly mattered as you climb the steps up the ladder you see the rope in your hand as your last hope and as you tie it to the ceiling you look to the sky trying to find healing but its to late your body’s cold its lost feeling your neck cradled in a rope hanging from the ceiling the letter on your desk the last hope for the world to understand your feelings if they would have only reached out you could have found healing if they would have looked at your mask they would have seen that it was pealing with their words you could have found meaning but its too late your heart is no longer beating.

Torn from the arms of the ones who loved me, cast into the storm with hate as my company. Forced to see the sun from the bottom of a well. No hope this life is a living hell. So far from the light that guides our way I lay in dismay. My dreams are torn apart at the seams. My body’s numb its lost all feeling as I search in the dark for meaning. I start the long climb towards a goal that’s out of sight. Aiming for a distant light. Along the way I’m forced to face the demons that are haunting me. No peace they wouldn’t let me be. A part of me was left lying in agony but my goal was the world I had so much to see. So I picked up the remains and moved on heading towards the light I was so far from. My hands were cut and bleeding, but my heart kept beating. It lived to find meaning a reason to make this life worth living. Hoping here in the dark someone would find me. Pulling myself closer to the light that was blinding. Finally I’m free I can see the sun. I’m not a victim I had finally won.

We want to love but were afraid to feel the pain the tears we shed fall like rain we hold tightly so many feelings before they fade we lose all logical thought and slowly grow insane then dive into the open flame we immerse ourselves in the pain in order to gain something words fail to explain something so powerful you would die just to feel again and without you I’m afraid lost and ashamed tears flow and I’m swallowed by a sea of pain then we turn around and do it all over again love is a game we can’t help but play three words that are too tempting not to say the price is high but were willing to pay we’d sell our soul for just one day we look to god and pray for it every day and if were told no we find a way and we don’t care what people say cause its love it never made sense anyway.

Staring into the face of the unknown we are scared to let go afraid to take control. It’s easier to follow the flow but our hearts won’t continue to beat slow. When we reach the end of our ropes were forced to let go and before you know, you’re hurled into the world. Forced to face your feelings you had to suffer pain to find healing. Searching for meaning a higher state of being .The reason you continue living. You were blind but opened your eyes and realized the world was passing you by. Your amazed to find even broken wings can fly. In our greatest pain we take to the sky hoping to find another person to tell us why we continue to try. In the moment of our greatest pain were truly alive. We overcome and move on with our lives. No longer numb we know were alive. We can finally spread our wings and fly.

It’s never enough to say that I’m sorry caught between what I can give and what you want from me. It’s hard to believe I ever said we were meant to be. This love is tearing me apart at the seams. There’s more to what you say than it seems but I can’t read between lines that I can’t see. The more I try the further you run from me but every time I stop I see you waiting for me. Maybe this is the way it was meant to be or am I just running from the things I don’t want to believe. I don’t want to open my eyes to the scene that’s in front of me but I’m tired of pretending. I’m still holding on to how things were in the beginning even though I know you and me are ending. If I could go back in time I’d stop myself from attempting to love you but the thought of you and me is so tempting. In the end you left me empty and walked away with no pity. When I moved on you came along looking so pretty and it was the same old song but I’m starting to see maybe you and me weren’t meant to be.