A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and mine's wet."
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A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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A blond man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
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A blond man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe.
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An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!
I really don't like these things
A new supermarket opened in my area. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
She always was a strange one
BE YOURSELF!
Can't stress it enough, its much better when people like who for who you really are than for people to like you for what you pretend to be. If your freaky, be freaky, if your a straight arrow, be a straight arrow.
Don't try to put yourself off as something your not just to appease others, its fake and ultimately will leave you more miserable than before. Be the freak you really are, the right people will like you and that is what you need.
Yup, I am in jail. I got to tell you, its not good. I posted something on facebook and they said something about nudity and s*xual content or something and I been handed a 72 hour jail sentence
online today!Track16 Blog (1,598)
