Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Hey all hope all enjoying the bank holiday Monday :-)
Give me your best jokes
I thank you lol

Pet peeves we all have one or two mine is dirty shoes what's yours ?

This has to be the best, and one of the most elaborate, pranks of all time

My Business.......
A father walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat.

He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.

A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but only just) the man takes hold of the kid and squeezes gently but firmly. After a few seconds the boy coughs up the quarter, which the man catches in his free hand.

The man then walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son was fine, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.

The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the thanks.

As he's about to leave, the father asks one last question. "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what are you, a surgeon or something like that?"

"No" the man replies, "I work for the IRS, getting people to cough it up is my business." :

The Eternal Optimist

Fifteen minutes after the Titanic sank, Arthur and John find themselves hugging a piece of wreckage from the great ship.

The water is freezing, sharks are swimming nearby and of course, the Titanic is long gone.

"Oh well," says Art, "It could have been worse".

"Worse? How could it have been worse"? screams John.

"We could have bought return tickets".




Quick Thinking-Definitely


A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce.

The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.

The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser out there wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager saw the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.

We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"

"Originally from Essex sir", the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Essex?", the manager asked.

The boy answered, "Sir there's nothing but whores and footballers there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."

"No shit!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"

God, grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.


My wild oats have turned into prunes and all bran.


I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.


Funny, I don't remember being absent minded....


All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.


If all is not lost, where is it.


It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.


Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.


I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.


Kids in the back seat cause accidents.


Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.


It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.


Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.


If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put then on my knees.


It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.


The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.

....its hot and the temptation to swim...

I was chatting to this super nice guy, we exchanged messages here on CS and I seem to tick all the right boxes...all those flowery and sweet words almost turn my world up side down. After few days, we took our whirlwind romance to the next level...and by that I mean on what's app. We were so happy to have each other's number and he said I'm going to be his GF and we will have a great relationship. I am a very nice and fair person, just like the others, I gave him a chance to change his mind but he was so set of having a relationship with me. I said OK then.

We started exchanging messages on what's app and as usual, I would wake up finding messages on my phone...No, not dirty messages...just nice thoughtful ones The guy seems very thoughtful and persistent till we talked about kids...he knows I have but he was greatly discouraged when I told him I have 6 children the last message I received from him was "cheers"

Where did I go wrong?

To my lost love...hope this song will touch your heart