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Any of this sound familiar?


1966: Long hair
2016: Longing for hair

1966: KEG
2016: EKG

1966: Acid rock
2016: Acid reflux

1966: Moving to California because it's cool
2016: Moving to Florida because it's warm

1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2016: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1966: Seeds and stems
2016: Roughage

1966: Hoping for a BMW
2016: Hoping for a BM

1966: Going to a new, hip joint
2016: Receiving a new hip joint

1966: Rolling Stones
2016: Kidney Stones

1966: Screw the system
2016: Upgrade the system

1966: Disco
2016: Costco

1966: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2016: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1966: Passing the drivers' test
2016: Passing the vision test

1966: Whatever
2016: Depends

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1998.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced 7 years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.”

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet?

Well, cheer up...you've always got company!

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!
THE OUTHOUSE TIMES-HERALD
Dateline Ratwhiskers, Arkansas, June 16, 2020
Illgup Flylippe , Reporter.

The small rural town of Ratwhiskers is considering hiring an independent patriotic firm to survey residents about their awareness of and attitudes toward Mooslims.
"That will certainly assist us in understanding the way forward to get rid of them people," said Mayor Bubba Rednek.
"There's always the question of what do our town-folks really want? Some locals say they don't want any mooslims around, some say that we need a cull of these weird varmints. Others say no cull is needed. Some were saying to only use contraceptive immunization, and not sterilization."
The decision has disappointed the Urban Muslim Stewardship Society of Ratwhiskers, which wanted the municipality to partner with it on a program that would have included public education, a mooslims headcount and a conservative, religiously based survey.
Ratwhiskers councillors rejected that call to contract with the KKK, which would have cost about $200 dollars.
Minnie-Ann de Bru, KKK vice president, said she was extremely disappointed by council's decision. She said the KKK is "a really solid faith based group" that includes patriotic experts from both the University of American Patriots and evangelical Baptist fascists."
"I think the mayor and some of the council seem concerned with our credentials and that we might be perceived to be bias, but I think it's really important to note that we've always said that hat we are a faith based science, pro lethal to mooslims in any management of them.We are in good standing with our President-Fuhrer for Life, and that he's fully endorsed our programs." de Bru said.
Mayor Rednek said council felt a resident survey was better conducted "at a shot-guns blast " than by a President's favourite group like the KKK, which is forthright in admitting there are no circumstances under which it would not support a moo slim cull in the USA. To make it look really fair "we coulda used the American Nazi Party; everybody knows that nazies and mooslims get along; they both hate the zionist jews. We ain't gots nuthin' against jews or their weird zionist religion. We loves dem people an' Israel", said Rednek.
PART ONE

UOST (Union Of Shopping Trolleys)

With British retailers now charging a staggering 5 pence per plastic shopping bag shoppers have begun to steal trolleys, this has prompted a new Union set up by the association of trolleys and carts.
Membership has been unprecedented with over a million trolleys joining in just a week.

A spokes trolley issued a press release citing the blatant theft as well as physical and mental abuse of its members due to shoppers being really silly and standing firm on a lack of principals over the cost a fecking plastic bag.

The Spokes Trolley stated that Government has not been supportive to the plight of its members and abuse has become untenable, he mentions that members were left abandoned in strange streets, used as BBQ's and thrown without mercy into canals and streams.

Images (not for the weak) show a trolley found crying and abandoned on the side of the road and trolleys kicked and overturned by non bag buying shoppers.

If you are or know a trolley in distress join the UOST now and the recovery agents (Trained in France) will come to your aid.
Viva the UOST...........down with silly shoppers!

I go to the library everyday. It's a small one here in Bullhead City and one gets to know everyone pretty good. Some talk a little and others greet you as friendly as you greet them. Some like my silly jokes and some just "kinda" grin.

Then there is one that has no response so I just walk past her and there is another one, the janitor, that rarely says anything in response. Mostly just a look like "What the hey"!!

TODAY!!! However, the janitor asked me several questions (I was surprised) about why I come here so much. My answer was a question, "Why are you here so much?" I asked. He turned around and looked at me and said, "I get paid to come here. I work here". I replied, "Well, I don't need to work so this is where I come".

I continued to also say other things, like, I am retired and I have nothing to do on a daily basis. I could go to the casinos but what for? I like my money. I could go drinking but, again, I like my money and I don't need to be drunk every day. I could go cruising but at my age I could be accused of being a pervert and the police and citizen's would really notice that. Besides, how many "chicks" my age walk around seeing if there's any "action".

I also said, there are books here and I love to read, I don't have to pay for newspapers because there's about a dozen different ones here. I use the computers, and again, they're free of charge. "So why would I not come here", I asked? His response was, "You got it all figured out".

Now I didn't tell him this because I didn't want to disrespect him, but, well yeah. It doesn't take a Harvard Phd. to figure that out because that's what libraries are for. I don't know of any library that doesn't have the same privileges.

He went into the ladies room to clean it and I thought to myself that it sure was a weird question/conversation. But then I thought. He has never been real friendly so maybe it was his way of breaking the ice.

That's good because now I will break him in further with my repertoire of silly jokes!! Hee Hee!

A couple was going out for the evening. They had gotten ready, put the dog outside, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out, the dog runs back in the house.
They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver,
"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says.
"Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her a** downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!
She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!

Going to hospital tonight to see a guy who was admitted to hospital..was admitted with a bad back...found out today he has lung cancer and got a week at most, will leave his filipina wife and a young teenage lad...very sad, meanwhile we are being bitchy, people are dying around us.

So if you smoke to much..stop..drink to much stop...too much sex never killed anyone..

I grew up watching this mans films....

On a recent blog about wheels, one member asked if she could sit topless in my car and not get arrested.

This reminds me of a time I took my (ex) gf out into the desert to teach her to drive off road.,after an hour or so she said she was hot so I turned up the AC..no not that kind of hot..ah I see.

So I had a look round and thought, great, place is deserted..lets get it on. So i pushed the seats forward and sits in the back..off came my shorts and hers and strides across me..while she was riding away I heard..shit ! some one is coming..I looks over my shoulder and over comes a military Jeep...OMG! we are in deep shit now.

I frantically pull up my shorts but don't even have time to find my sandals, I jump out and walk over to one as he was walking over to me..Big strapping Arab with dark glasses, book and pen in hand, but a big smile on his face..im shitting myself by this time, my ex is laid down the back of the car.

This guy points to the car and said..Family ?..wife ?..no my GF i said..still with this big smile upon his face. He than calls over his mate and talk in arabic..of course..as this guy comes over he's smiling, by this time I'm a little relieved as its not going to be as bad as I thought.

While we are chatting and I'm giving him my id i saw something out of the corner of my eye, looks twice and to my utter amazement, was a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out the front of my shorts..like a sporron !..WTF what am I to do..leave it there, pretend I never saw them..when they weren't looking i grabbed them and put them in my pocket as if nothing had happened..what was the point they had seen it, knew what I was doing and now I know why they both had the biggest grins.

They never went over to the car, she was still laid down in the foot welll of the car. They took my details, then said..okay you can stay here..1 hour..2 hour..no problem ...laughed and drove off.

I got in the car and she said all ok ?..i can't find my knickers...NO I know.. Ive got them!...when I told her we laughed all the way home...and I'm sure if it were not for the panties hanging out of my shorts it would have been worse..but these guys could simply not be strict..as it was to comical to see..from their perspective....Thank you Barhain..

Just curious here.

Has anyone ever blogged while under the influence of alcohol?


Should be interesting cos a pissed person sees or takes remarks differently to a sober one I think.

Will be back later, just off to go and booze

Tide of Migrant Archaeologists Pouring into Europe.
War, Famine, lack of funds and the small amount Archaeological sites around the world have prompted an unprecedented tide of Migrants into the EU where they hope to find old sites worthy of excavations.
The desperate Archaeologists have been entering Europe in droves, groups of up to 3 or 4 have been seen on the roads to Europe. The EU have had urgent meetings in the palatial surroundings of the Brussels headquarters and quotas have been set for all EU members to take these poor people.
The Lefties in Britain have demanded that more Archaeologists be allowed to settle and also demanded that sites like Stonehenge be opened up to satisfy the migrants, fights broke out in London over the weekend as anti Archaeologists demanded that they "Go home" and "Go dig in your own historical sites"
The PM said that he and the British Government understood the plight of the migrant historical diggers but he would insist that no new sites would be opened until they had been here for 4 years, the EU President scoffed at this and with his Leftist Labour pal said NO NO NO.........give them a historical site immediately on arrival. Mr Farage commented to the press that this could lead to Surveyors, tree surgeons and more scrambling into the EU and it should be halted.

We spoke to a Migrant Archaeologist who said he had come from Egypt where he was simply sick of Gipshun stuff and mummified people and wanted a new life with new challenges and dig sites.

The image (Copyright of who ever took it) shows a group of migrant Archaeologists that had set up an illegal camp on a supposed historical site on a farm near Carlisle owned by a Mr. Lavortium Brush MBE who said they just keep digging and had stolen his reinforcement mesh to make a scale grid.

Should we allow this to happen?