Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."


"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."


"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."


"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"


"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."


"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."


"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"


"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"


"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car"


"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."


"Where there's a will, I want to be in it!"


"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"


"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"


"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got."


"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."


"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."


"He who laughs last thinks slowest"


"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."


"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

Hi guys!

how to minimize distance between the two breakables

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door.
She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I'm so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway."

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I'm so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said: "Nothing, your eyesight is perfect."

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy -- for birth control.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.



WE MISS RODNEY DANGERFIELD!

more like a psychological institution...

If you're here to get laid, don't think you're in the right place, so many creepy profiles here with creepy profile names and creepy profile photos ...


It's like a ghost town here, Just want to say Hi...

and thanks Dan for dragging me back here

Its week end people where is the party in this place

In an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Only 13 more to go.

Today is what I think of as holiday hot.

It would be so relaxing and soul fixing
to sit under a palm tree sipping a very
cold rum and coke with some fresh lime
floating in it while watching the young
ladies playing in the waves off the beach.

But it's just too damn hot for working.......

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law who lives at 1837 3rd. St., Los Angeles, California, 90023 in a blue house! She gets off work at 6 PM!

What do you think I should do?