Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

If ever u feel overloaded by life, wife or work, Immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order for any 1 or more of the following Antidotes:


1. Wife Irritation Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2. Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3. Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4. Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)
5. Wife High Infusing Suspicion Killing Energy Yeast (WHISKEY)

Ace and Priscilla were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.



The old man would shout:

"When I die, I'll dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"



Neighbors feared him. The old Ace liked the fact that he was feared.



He died at the ripe old age of 98.



After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked:



"Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"



Priscilla said,


"Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...


Knowing him, he won't ask for directions."

>>> Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop. The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving."

>>> So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old. Well, says the woman, “You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."

>>> Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face. "My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.
>>> The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me." "What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

>>> Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."
>>>
>>> Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

Great Orators of the Democrat Party - PAST:

"One man with courage makes a majority." ~Andrew Jackson

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

"The buck stops here." ~Harry S. Truman

"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.." ~John F. Kennedy


Great Orators of the Democrat Party - RECENT:

"It depends what your definition of 'is' is?'' ~William Jefferson Clinton

"Those rumors are false. I believe in the sanctity of marriage." ~John Edwards

"What difference does it make?" (re: Benghazi). ~Hillary Clinton

"I invented the Internet." ~Al Gore

"America is, is no longer, uh, what it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was, uh, and I say to myself, uh, I don't want that future, uh, for my children." ~Barack Obama

"I have campaigned in all 57 states." ~Barack Obama (Quoted 2008)

"You don't need God anymore; you have us Democrats." ~Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006)

"Paying taxes is voluntary." ~Sen. Harry Reid

"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he is." ~Hillary Rodham Clinton (Quoted1998)

"You have a business. You didn't build that. Someone else did!" ~Barack Obama (Quoted 2012)

And the most ridiculous gem of wisdom, from the "Mother Superior Moron": "We just have to pass the Healthcare Bill to see what's in it." ~Nancy Pelosi (Quoted March,2010 )

(As one Doctor said: "That is also the perfect definition of a stool sample.")

Beyond a doubt, the greatest statement of all was made by Democrat House Speaker Sam Rayburn at the first Congressional session after Ted Kennedy was caught, on camera, having sex with one of his aides on the deck of his yacht ... "Ah see that the good Senatuh from the great state of Massutwoshits has changed his position on off-shore drillin'."


AND THE LATEST FROM THIS DYSFUNCTIONAL BUNCH IS.......

"My fear is if North Korea nukes us, Trump's gonna get us into a war." ~ Maxine Waters........2017

A young hiker is traveling thru a heavily wooded area and comes upon a Monastery full of friars and monks. He knocks on the door for directions, however he is invited inside for "Fish and Chips" for lunch.

After lunch he exclaimed that this was the most delicious fish and chips he had ever eaten. Seeing a chef emerge from the kitchen, he raced over and said, "Are you the Fish Friar?

To which the reply was, "No, I am the Chip Monk."

Here is the story of Rhabarberbarbara


German language is funny

I know it's late notice, but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl in Minneapolis, MN at the new U. S. Bank Stadium on Sunday, February 4th. They are box seats and he paid $3,500 per ticket, which includes the ride to and from the airport, lunch, dinner, a $400.00 bar tab and a pass to the winners locker room after the game. What he didn't realize, when he bought them last year, was that it's on the same day as his wedding.



If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at St. Paul's Church at 3 p.m. Her name is Monica. She's 5'4", about 115 pounds, a good cook, loves to fish and hunt and will clean your truck. She'll be the one in the white dress.

The store with something for everybody.

Classic comedy.

My girlfriend Amelia is great in bed, as a pillow!

I rear-ended a car this morning.

Sooo there we were alongside the road, and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you get sooo stressed and little things seem just seem too funny?

Yeah, well I could not believe it..... he was a dwarf.

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY"

So I looked down at him and said, "well then which one are you?"

And thats how the fight started...