Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Christmas greetings to all friends and frenemies alike.
Enjoy this holiday gift.

After years of fruitless searching I've discovered my white rhino, my unicorn. That rarest of rarities -
A funny Asian:




Also, speaking of rare sightings, if Gypsytramp ever comes back on, tell her I still wuv her.
Ho ho ho.

A Ghost of Festivus Past. Time to see some familiar faces - & remember some we've not seen in awhile. Or old faces with new names.

Whatever.
Happy Festivus '19, y'all

Yep. December 23. Festivus -

The most irreverent of celebrations - and the fastest growing Holiday in the Western Hemisphere.

Time to set up the bare aluminum Festivus Pole!
(Remember - tinsel is distracting. ).

Cook up your spaghetti! Or meatloaf! Or...whatever!

Pump up for the Feats Of Strength!

Make out your list for the Airing Of Grievances!
(Some of us have been rushing the season on this, haven't we? Yeah! I think we have. )

And remember - It doesn't end 'til the head of the house has been forcibly pinned to the ground!

HAPPY FESTIVUS, Y'ALL!!!


And may we all receive our special Festivus Miracle, Every One!

Two generations ago, Mrs. Fletcher laying on the ground holding her Life Alert remote necklace, called the emergency monitoring dispatcher and shouted "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
This started as a TV commercial and sales based on fear sent a message to every senior who had a cane or walker... what would happen if this were you?

I'm sure the actress who played Mrs. Fletcher has been 'pushing up daises' for a while, but other white haired women have since taken her place. I'm also sure that every country is selling their version of Life Alert.

¡Me he caído y no puedo levantarme!
Je suis tombé et je ne peux pas me lever!
Eu caí e não consigo me levantar!
Upadlem i nie moge wstac!
Sono caduto e non riesco ad alzarmi!
Ich bin gefallen und kann nicht aufstehen!

For the record, the phrase "I've fallen and I can't get up!" is registered to the Life Alert company.
I guess in a real life situation, you could be sued if you fall, grab your cellphone (on the way down, of course) and dial 911 and tell the emegency dispatcher "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Just in case... I suggest you learn a different phrase like "I slipped on a banana peel... send a lawyer" because he can get there before the ambulance and... knows a really good orthopedic doctor!

...VERY failed. Got to thinking, in terms of the political posts hereabouts. And about the almost one track mindsets and activities of the TD-HDS of pols and their media, for three full years. No quarter, monolithic approach to pursuing our Brilliant President Trump, that is, until just this week, I assert. From none other than Senator Shumer, now that the senate, and Trump, have full control of putting an end to this remarkable series of failed witch hunts. In a letter to the Senate Majority, VERY majority leader, He's asking for some input into restricting the list of conviction trial witnesses, saying that only those directly related to the fair unbiased evidence" collected so far should be called to a proper grilling. This list would specifically exclude many proto felons, topping the list, the cherubic son of VP Biden, as he really isn't in any possible causal loop. Only four on the list, all chosen on TD-HDS thinking. EXCUSE ME! This is so rich, I almost laughed when I heard it. But then I thought, why is he trying to ask this big favor of Mr. Leader? Can anyone say, Cheeky Chutzpah? We have them on the ropes? Or let's protect the Bidens? Or we're really trying to prevent a party rout in 2020? But there is much more. See if any of you astute CS Patriotic bloggers/posters can figure it out. Rich, VERY rich.

I just don't know the color you want.

You just have to promise me, that you will wear it......

.....to your next court appearance.

Saturday morning I woke up in a hurry, dressed up quietly, got my lunch ready, took the dog, and then rushed to the garage where I attached the boat to my jeep and I was on my way.
Unfortunately the weather was terrible so I had to head back home and park the car back in the garage. The weather channels announced no improvement whatsoever so I decided to get back in the house. I undressed again and I sneaked next to my wife whispering:

"Terrible weather outside..."

She replied "Can you believe my husband is stupid enough to go fishing on this storm?"

---

Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.

---

One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found a bondage-S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She showed it to her husband. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?" The dad looked at her and said, "Well whatever you do, don't spank him!"

A blonde was asked what the capital of California was, she replied "the big "C".

Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes ?
A: Knock on the hatch

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in your closet??
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.

One day a blonde was walking down the street. When a police officer stopped her and said miss did you realize that your blouse is open and your cleavage is hanging out. She replied oh my god I left the baby on the bus.

Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher?
A. It's clogged up with paper plates.

Q: Why don't blondes know how to write the number "11"?
A: They don't know which "1" comes first!

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: It kept falling out!

You might get much more, or perhaps something totally different than what you originally thought.





I remember once asking for a large piece of cake at a wedding.
It looked REALLY good , but it tasted HORRIBLE !

Perhaps you recall asking for something and getting surprised with something that you totally did not anticipate.

Yes, the crimes of (so called) President Trump are not "exciting" enough for you.
While perhaps treasonous and impeachable, they lack the titillation of an affair with a pornstar,
or the claim of being able to shoot people on 5th Avenue.

I get it. Legal battles are not like the (so called) 'reality' TV that a lot of you are emotionally addicted to.
To help you last night SNL aired "As the Impeachment Turns".

Day 2. Who is keeping track really...okay...I am

This is the second Robert blog in 2 days.

I must be sick...

I actually am sick.

Like our fellow blogger Palms, I too am getting over the flu.

It is that time again.

Turkey Day around the corner.

Who is looking forward to stuffing the turkey?

Robert?







...as a side note Jim: you may see question marks at the end of a sentence...but that is really not a question. :)