Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
online today!
Things that don't go together...
Years ago, I formulated a list of things that (I believe) don't go together. The list disappeared, so I'm starting over again.
Pineapple on Pizza. Seriously, that got started when someone was stoned on pot and while phoning in an order couldn't think what toppings to choose. The guy taking the order thought he'd fu*k with him and suggested pineapple. Word got out through all the pizza parlors that any time a stoner called and needed help making a selection, offer up the pineapple. I'm sure of this... so you don't have to Google or Snopes. Trust me on this one!
Black socks and recycled truck tire sandals. What are you guys thinking? You know it's banned at no less than 20 resorts throughout the world.
More later...
Pineapple on Pizza. Seriously, that got started when someone was stoned on pot and while phoning in an order couldn't think what toppings to choose. The guy taking the order thought he'd fu*k with him and suggested pineapple. Word got out through all the pizza parlors that any time a stoner called and needed help making a selection, offer up the pineapple. I'm sure of this... so you don't have to Google or Snopes. Trust me on this one!
Black socks and recycled truck tire sandals. What are you guys thinking? You know it's banned at no less than 20 resorts throughout the world.
More later...
Short blogs or long blogs?
Sometimes when I am looking at the blogs trying to get my head around them, I am a bit daunted by the length of the blog!
Great though many of them are, I sometimes just don't have time to read them deeply and make a point in return. Guess it depends on our lifestyles.
So here's a short and sweet blog:
HI EVERYONE, DROP IN AND SAY HELLO
This place needs livening up a bit!!
Great though many of them are, I sometimes just don't have time to read them deeply and make a point in return. Guess it depends on our lifestyles.
So here's a short and sweet blog:
HI EVERYONE, DROP IN AND SAY HELLO
This place needs livening up a bit!!
online today!
I got pulled over for speeding...
On the way back from the Mexican shoemaker 'Zapatos' I had my new boots on and suddenly I see some blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. It was the police signaling me to pull over. I did and he told me to present my driver's license, registration and proof of insurance. I explained I'm unable to reach for my wallet and I needed to get out of the car. He stepped back to allow me to do so and when he saw my new boots he began laughing uncontrollably. Shaking his head he understood why I was speeding.
"Yeah officer, I just got these boots 15 minutes ago and didn't realize this would be a problem when I started driving."
The officer told me he would let me off with only a warning and to promise to remove the boots when I was driving. "It's a deal" I said.
Good thing I wasn't wearing my 'Saturday Night dancing boots"
"Yeah officer, I just got these boots 15 minutes ago and didn't realize this would be a problem when I started driving."
The officer told me he would let me off with only a warning and to promise to remove the boots when I was driving. "It's a deal" I said.
Good thing I wasn't wearing my 'Saturday Night dancing boots"
online today!
Funny Johnny Carson's quips...
Two generations stayed up late watching Johnny Carson host of the Tonight Show.
I remember friends repeating some of the funny things he said. If you know the show, his side kick and co-host Ed McMahon would often lead Johnny into something funny.
For example:
Johnny would say "It was really hot today"
Ed would comment "How hot was it Johnny"
Carson would come back with "It was so hot, I saw a bird cooking a worm on the sidewalk"
Typically, there would be a rimshot from the band's drummer signifying a joke!
Some of the people he interviewed said funny things and they both would laugh to tears.
That's the way it was with Johnny.
There was a blooper when he interviewed the wife of famous pro-golfer Jack Nicklaus. He asked her if she did anything to give him good luck before an important match. She replied "I kiss his balls" Realizing what she had said, she corrected herself by saying "his golf balls" but that was too late as Johnny had the comeback "I bet that made his putter rise to the occasion" totally embarrassed, she left the stage.
I didn't get to see it, but another memorable moment was when Zsa Zsa Gabor was on the show. She was sitting in the chair with a cat on her lap. When she asked Johnny if he wanted to pet her p*ssy he said...
It was brought up years later by Jane Fonda.
I remember friends repeating some of the funny things he said. If you know the show, his side kick and co-host Ed McMahon would often lead Johnny into something funny.
For example:
Johnny would say "It was really hot today"
Ed would comment "How hot was it Johnny"
Carson would come back with "It was so hot, I saw a bird cooking a worm on the sidewalk"
Typically, there would be a rimshot from the band's drummer signifying a joke!
Some of the people he interviewed said funny things and they both would laugh to tears.
That's the way it was with Johnny.
There was a blooper when he interviewed the wife of famous pro-golfer Jack Nicklaus. He asked her if she did anything to give him good luck before an important match. She replied "I kiss his balls" Realizing what she had said, she corrected herself by saying "his golf balls" but that was too late as Johnny had the comeback "I bet that made his putter rise to the occasion" totally embarrassed, she left the stage.
I didn't get to see it, but another memorable moment was when Zsa Zsa Gabor was on the show. She was sitting in the chair with a cat on her lap. When she asked Johnny if he wanted to pet her p*ssy he said...
It was brought up years later by Jane Fonda.
Three mischievous old Grannies!
Three mischievous old
Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a
nursing home
When an old Grandpa
walked by.
And one of the old
Grandmas yelled out saying,
"We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are."
The old man said,
"There is no way you
can guess it, you old fools."
One of the
old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and
under shorts and we can tell your exact
age."
Embarrassed just a little, but
anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped
his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to
first turn around a couple of times and to jump
up and down several times. Then they all
piped up and said,
"You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his
pants down around his ankles, the old gent
asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their
knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three
old ladies happily yelled in
unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a
nursing home
When an old Grandpa
walked by.
And one of the old
Grandmas yelled out saying,
"We bet we can tell
exactly how old you are."
The old man said,
"There is no way you
can guess it, you old fools."
One of the
old Grandmas said,
"Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and
under shorts and we can tell your exact
age."
Embarrassed just a little, but
anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped
his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to
first turn around a couple of times and to jump
up and down several times. Then they all
piped up and said,
"You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his
pants down around his ankles, the old gent
asked,
"How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their
knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three
old ladies happily yelled in
unison...
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"
Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid ! lol
Only 1 hour ago in The New Yorker 
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Says It’s a Very Scary Time for Men, Because Women Can Vote Them Out of Office
By Andy Borowitz
10:30 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that “it’s terrible what’s going on right now,"
Donald J. Trump told reporters on Wednesday that “it’s a very scary time for men,
because women can vote them out of office.”
“It’s very scary right now to be a man,” Trump said. “You can do or say something that women don’t like, and suddenly millions of women will come out of the woodwork and vote against you.
I think it’s a disgrace.”
“It’s getting to the point where men are not going to be able to ridicule women at their campaign rallies without being terribly afraid that women are going to vote against them,” he said. “It’s a very scary time.”
Trump said that, if women are allowed to get away with voting men out of office, “No one will be safe.”
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen,” Trump warned. “If it’s up to women to decide who’s in power and who’s not, men like me aren’t even going to run.”
Later in the day, Donald Trump, Jr., echoed his father’s words. “Last night, when I put my sons to bed, I had to tell them to be nice to girls,” he said. “It broke my heart.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of 'The 50 Funniest American Writers,'
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Says It’s a Very Scary Time for Men, Because Women Can Vote Them Out of Office
By Andy Borowitz
10:30 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Saying that “it’s terrible what’s going on right now,"
Donald J. Trump told reporters on Wednesday that “it’s a very scary time for men,
because women can vote them out of office.”
“It’s very scary right now to be a man,” Trump said. “You can do or say something that women don’t like, and suddenly millions of women will come out of the woodwork and vote against you.
I think it’s a disgrace.”
“It’s getting to the point where men are not going to be able to ridicule women at their campaign rallies without being terribly afraid that women are going to vote against them,” he said. “It’s a very scary time.”
Trump said that, if women are allowed to get away with voting men out of office, “No one will be safe.”
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen,” Trump warned. “If it’s up to women to decide who’s in power and who’s not, men like me aren’t even going to run.”
Later in the day, Donald Trump, Jr., echoed his father’s words. “Last night, when I put my sons to bed, I had to tell them to be nice to girls,” he said. “It broke my heart.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of 'The 50 Funniest American Writers,'
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Hope This Joke Isn't Too Old
Senior Sex
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feel free to Follow me, I am always posting fun and funny stuff!!!http://www.facebook.com/Cindy.mccune
?¨`*•?.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ? ..•* ?
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
SHARE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Feel free to Follow me, I am always posting fun and funny stuff!!!http://www.facebook.com/Cindy.mccune
?¨`*•?.•Pass it on!! Give someone else a reason to smile. ? ..•* ?
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »