Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
He's the only one that fits the bill.
Reading through profiles of women on my home page I see most have demands us lessor mortals could never meet, 
non smoker, must like dancing & travel, own hair & teeth 
love of animals & grandchildren, good sense of humour, financially independent etc etc, the list goes on, having given it some thought I've realised they're all looking for the same man the only one that fits all the criteria 
non smoker, must like dancing & travel, own hair & teeth love of animals & grandchildren, good sense of humour, financially independent etc etc, the list goes on, having given it some thought I've realised they're all looking for the same man the only one that fits all the criteria 
Prognosis
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told
him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you
know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more
time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that
he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more
time before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris,
however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's
down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you
think we could...'
At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, I have to get up
in the morning....... you don't.'
him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 'Honey, you
know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more
time?'
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that
he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 'Honey, please... just one more
time before I die.'
She says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. Morris,
however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's
down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you
think we could...'
At this point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, I have to get up
in the morning....... you don't.'
THE PERFECT HUSBAND
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"
smiles..................
Life is........like online
Love is.....like offline
Heart is....pending
worries are everyday...updating
problems are always.....incoming
money keeps....out going
i am always.....Working
Happiness slowly......Downloading....
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing....
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: “When I’m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.” Wife: “No, I can’t marry anyone after you.” Johnson: “But I want you to.” Wife: “But why?” Johnson: “Jones once cheated me in a horse deal
John, for heaven’s sake, why can’t you just talk to me once in awhile?” whined Mari. “Huh?” John responded. “Look around you!” she yells as she points around the room. “All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don’t even know I’m alive!” “Oh. I’m sorry.” “You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you’d at least look at me.” “Hmmm,” John mumbled in deep thought, “that’s not a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting.”
Love is.....like offline
Heart is....pending
worries are everyday...updating
problems are always.....incoming
money keeps....out going
i am always.....Working
Happiness slowly......Downloading....
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing....
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: “When I’m dead I want you to marry farmer Jones.” Wife: “No, I can’t marry anyone after you.” Johnson: “But I want you to.” Wife: “But why?” Johnson: “Jones once cheated me in a horse deal
John, for heaven’s sake, why can’t you just talk to me once in awhile?” whined Mari. “Huh?” John responded. “Look around you!” she yells as she points around the room. “All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don’t even know I’m alive!” “Oh. I’m sorry.” “You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you’d at least look at me.” “Hmmm,” John mumbled in deep thought, “that’s not a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting.”
online today!
Coffee Talk -
So y'all punsters have a blog OF YOUR VERY OWN 
Am I considerate or WHAT?!
Am I considerate or WHAT?!
Today is my not-birthday !
Yes, just like 362 other days of the year, it is NOT my birthday. 
Please wish me a happy not birthday,
as I did not get another year older today. Yes !
Please wish me a happy not birthday,
as I did not get another year older today. Yes !
Fnord
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and in case you don't remember...
FnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnord
and in case you don't remember...
FnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnordFnord
Just Three Words
A 76-year-old man is having a drink at the Meadows Country Club bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.
After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition". Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words".
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts ten - $10 bills in her outstretched hand. He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older.
And that is how my house got painted last month!
After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition". Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words".
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts ten - $10 bills in her outstretched hand. He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older.
And that is how my house got painted last month!
online today!
The Telephone Rings And
A whispered child's voice answers - Hello?
(An employer is calling to pass information to an employee.) -
Hello. Is your Daddy there?
Whispered Voice - Yes.
Caller - May I speak with him?
WV - No.
C - Is your Mommy there?
WV - Yes.
C - May I speak with her?
WV - No.
C - Is there another grownup there?
WV - Yes.
C - Who's that?
WV - A policeman.
C - May I speak with him?
WV - No.
C - Why not?
WV - He's busy.
C - What's he doing?
WV - Talking with Daddy, Mommy and the Paramedics.
C - (Hears helicopter noise in the background)...What's that noise?
WV - It's a helicopter.
C - What's it doing there?
WV - Bringing in the Search Team.
C - What are they searching for?!
WV - Me.........
(An employer is calling to pass information to an employee.) -
Hello. Is your Daddy there?
Whispered Voice - Yes.
Caller - May I speak with him?
WV - No.
C - Is your Mommy there?
WV - Yes.
C - May I speak with her?
WV - No.
C - Is there another grownup there?
WV - Yes.
C - Who's that?
WV - A policeman.
C - May I speak with him?
WV - No.
C - Why not?
WV - He's busy.
C - What's he doing?
WV - Talking with Daddy, Mommy and the Paramedics.
C - (Hears helicopter noise in the background)...What's that noise?
WV - It's a helicopter.
C - What's it doing there?
WV - Bringing in the Search Team.
C - What are they searching for?!
WV - Me.........
Hopefully some will have a sense of humor !!
The boys may appreciate it hopefully the girls will find the humor as well.
Subject: FUN AND INJURY AT VFW
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta
pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it
before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches…but,
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
**********
I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of
condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”; I said "Nah...
She's pretty good lookin'....."
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If
you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look
all right.”; I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”;
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on
then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said,
"Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you’re seventy nine...............who cares?
*********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard
shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re seventy nine...............who cares?
**********
I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table..I
said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think
so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not
years, and remember we do not quit playing because we grow old.... we
grow old because we quit playing" 
Subject: FUN AND INJURY AT VFW
I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said,
"You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta
pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it
before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches…but,
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
**********
I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of
condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”; I said "Nah...
She's pretty good lookin'....."
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night. She said, "If
you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look
all right.”; I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”;
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on
then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said,
"Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
When you’re seventy nine...............who cares?
*********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard
shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re seventy nine...............who cares?
**********
I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table..I
said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think
so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you’re seventy nine..............who cares?
"Count your life by smiles, not tears, count your age by friends, not
years, and remember we do not quit playing because we grow old.... we
grow old because we quit playing"
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