Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

I just cut myself peeling an apple.

This never would have happened with dough nuts!

Been There, Done That ?

According to Wikipedia:

Menopause, also known as the climacteric, is the time in most women's lives when menstrual periods stop permanently, and they are no longer able to have children , a natural change that typically occurs between 45 and 55 years of age. It can occur earlier in those who smoke tobacco. Other causes include surgery that removes both ovaries, or some types of chemotherapy. At the physiological level, menopause happens because of a decrease in the ovaries' production of the hormones estrogen and progesterone.

Symptoms:

* Dyspareunia is painful s*xual intercourse due to medical or psychological causes. The pain can primarily be on the external surface of the genitalia, or deeper in the pelvis upon deep pressure against the cervix. It can affect a small portion of the vulva or va*ina or be felt all over the surface

* Vaginal dryness

* Atrophic vaginitis (also known as vaginal atrophy, vulvovaginal atrophy, or urogenital atrophy) is an inflammation of thevagina (and the outer urinary tract) due to the thinning and shrinking of the tissues, as well as decreased lubrication. These symptoms are due to a lack of the reproductive hormone estrogen.

Other physical symptoms of menopause include: lack of energy, joint soreness, stiffness, back pain, breast enlargement, breast pain, heart palpitations, headache, dizziness, dry, itchy skin, thinning, tingling skin, weight gain, urinary incontinence, urinary urgency, interrupted sleeping patterns, heavy night sweats, hot flashes.

Psychological symptoms include: anxiety, poor memory, inability to concentrate, depressive mood, irritability,mood swings,less interest in s*xual activity.

Yes, Yes, we all know about menopause...

This blog is not to educate others about menopause...as I haven't experienced it yet...not looking forward to it tho! 'Was sitting with friends yesterday and this topic came up. Most of my friends here in Jordan are either going through menopause or were already there. Symptoms they are going/went through are exactly what I read about on the internet and books but in most "s*xual" topics here on blogs and forum, many women who are past the menopausal age claimed to be "hotter" after menopause...this is contradicting science and what I've heard from those who went through it ...makes me wonder if they're simply BSing and "wet dreaming" here ? Many here claimed to be very sexually active after menopause...more than ever and looking for a nicely packaged hot tall, dark and handsome man who has all the right qualities...won't settle for less than great sex...seriously?

Here is a great place to read and learn from the experiences of others but it seems many here are in denial of their decline and failures in life...who are we kidding ?

Most of my friends who are going through menopause or been there said that they're no longer interested in dating...menopause makes them feel sexually unattractive and "old". This doesn't make me look forward to my menopausal days at all

For the men:

Would you date a woman who's going through menopause and experiencing those symptoms above ?

Ok I drew the short straw and get to spend the next 10 hours guarding the boat from opitunists while we're at the wharf...

Let's see if anyone is online for a little banter




Dr Blue is in the house ...

By no means a novel idea here. In fact, there is one member that we are blessed with his presence that has spoken of this on many occasions. Robert..... and

My friend brought up all on his own the other night, and I am starting to think that many men are beginning to think and feel this way. I can't put my finger on it really.

But anyway, he brought up the idea of stuffing a sock (I proudly suggested a tube sock) down his pants. For giggles, I suggested that we actually do that and see what the results will be. Of course, I need to see some data. With all this talk of this "magic sock," I figured we had to have a name for a up and coming billion-dollar product (of course with some royalties going to Robert).

After dropping my friend off, the name just sorta came out of nowhere. Because honestly, I really was not even thinking about it. But...it was Mr. Twist-her.


What you all think? Would you buy one?

I'm thinking of creating a website exclusively for jilted lovers. They would be able to create an account (for a fee, of course) and every time they suffer from a broken love affair, divorce, or unrequited love, they can log in and bash the offender and their gender until the cows come home.

It would be perfect, because the other members would all agree with the dumped one and the victim's pity party would be non-stop and full of the agony of defeat, the bitter sweet anguish of despair and lots of supportive wailing at the injustice of it all.

What do you think? Do you think it's a viable idea?

I love this story. Lay down what’s bothering you, breathe in the fresh air and LISTEN to this story.

Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life.

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.


I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.

Let's play a game. Would you rather have lunch with Adolf Hitler (when he was alive) or eat navel cheese?


I think sitting across from Adolf would give me bigger Heebie jeebies than eating navel cheese. You?

Happy, cheerful, positive, loving.

Then there is the rest of us. If your among the rest of us, this will give you a good laugh lol.

Just boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, ‘I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'

'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce attorney.'