Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close with this comment: "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

(Blessed are those who can give without remembering.....and take without forgetting.)

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop came in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Ronald Reagan said: BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN....AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

HI ALL!

THE E-MAIL
M

Dearest Dad,
I'm coming home to get married soon, so get your check book out. I'm in love with a man who is far away from me.

As you know, I'm in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook,
and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of a relationship through Viber.

My beloved Dad, I'd like your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding.

Lots of love and thanks.

Your daughter,
Lilly


THE RESPONSE

My Dear Lilly,

Like wow! Cool!

I suggest that you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through PayPal.
And when you get fed up with your new husband, sell him on eBay.

Love,
Your Dad

Many of us are here to find a partner.

We expect to find sooner or later.

In order to succeed don't u think we all should put up our best photos.

We are all unique in our own ways yes, but look at some of the profile photos you men post.

Trust me u put immediate fear in me on some of them. Fear of domestic beatings from u.

Looking quarrelsome, bitter, enraged. A snarling angry tiger.

Others look feminine while saying they seeking same.

Fix up your best photo and put as your profile pic.

Put your best foot forward.

Q: Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toy box?
A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face saying "lie to me."

Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Anne with the Pillsbury Doughboy?
A: A red headed b*tch with a yeast infection.

Q: What do you have when you hold two little green balls in your hand?
A: Kermit the frog's undivided attention!

Q: How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
A: She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil.

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. "Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?" "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied. The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money." The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?" His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes." After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?" She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

---

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house............. and left it there all night.

---

A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies, "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.
That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh Tom, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"

Until some drunken idiot walks face first into the sliding glass door.

I'm fine by the way!

There were a couple of no show's but I still had a good time.

A little humor to lighten the mood here! If you have not done this before, go to: youtube.com
Type in the search line: airline pilot, Foster Brooks.

Hilarious video!