Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

But then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

"All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner. "

"I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up."

"Congress: Bingo with billions"

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

"A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them.'"

"Exercise? I get in on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics."

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language? One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap.

What would your profile say?

Mine would read: Unemployed male shut in desperate to find someone to look after him.

( THE BLOGS NEED SOME HUMOR )






A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road.

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man `what's wrong. ?

"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again,
He hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"

The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.

It says..






(OK, here it is)



It says,



"Hair Spray!...
Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent waves."

I now have 50 girlfriends and my p*nis is 235 feet long.

Sometimes people are way too serious...even I can appreciate a joke...why not celebrate humour...please share something funny...thanks!!

The rest, I just wasted . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A magician has been working on a cruise ship doing the same act for many years. The audiences like him, and they change often enough that he doesn’t have to worry about finding new tricks. But the captain’s parrot sits in the back row and watches him night after night, year after year. After a while, the parrot figures out how the tricks work and starts giving the secrets away to the audiences. When the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, for instance, the parrot squawks, “Behind his back! Behind his back!” Well, the magician gets really annoyed at this, but he doesn’t know what to do, since the parrot belongs to the captain. One day, the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages to grab hold of a plank of wood and floats on it. The parrot flies over and sits on the other end. They drift and drift for three days without speaking. On the morning of the fourth day, the parrot looks over at the magician and says, “Okay, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?”

You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort.

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?"

His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."

George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.

As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?"

Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"

I got a pretty good price for it too, but it sure made my landlord as mad as hell.