Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Congratulations to Trump Voters - You've done it !!
In response to: Satire from The Borowitz Report
Bar Officially Cannot Be Lowered
By Andy Borowitz
July 24, 2015
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—A group of scholars who have been monitoring the descent of the bar
over the past few decades have concluded that the bar can no longer be lowered, the scholars announced on Friday.
The academics, led by Professor Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, published their conclusion
after their research definitively found that the bar had finally dropped to its lowest possible position.
“For those who thought the bar still had room to be lowered, our findings resoundingly contradict that assumption,” Logsdon said. “
The bar is now essentially flush with the ground.”
Logsdon acknowledged that he and his fellow scholars have come under fire in the past for claiming that the bar could not be further lowered,
specifically when they issued a paper to that effect after the selection of the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee in 2008.
“We got that one wrong,” he said. “Clearly, the bar still had a way to go.”
Now that the issue of whether the bar can be further lowered has been settled, Logsdon and his colleagues
plan to examine the question of whether there is anything left to scrape at the bottom of the barrel.
“Our findings are preliminary, but it appears that the answer is no,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Bar Officially Cannot Be Lowered
By Andy Borowitz
July 24, 2015
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—A group of scholars who have been monitoring the descent of the bar
over the past few decades have concluded that the bar can no longer be lowered, the scholars announced on Friday.
The academics, led by Professor Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, published their conclusion
after their research definitively found that the bar had finally dropped to its lowest possible position.
“For those who thought the bar still had room to be lowered, our findings resoundingly contradict that assumption,” Logsdon said. “
The bar is now essentially flush with the ground.”
Logsdon acknowledged that he and his fellow scholars have come under fire in the past for claiming that the bar could not be further lowered,
specifically when they issued a paper to that effect after the selection of the Republican Vice-Presidential nominee in 2008.
“We got that one wrong,” he said. “Clearly, the bar still had a way to go.”
Now that the issue of whether the bar can be further lowered has been settled, Logsdon and his colleagues
plan to examine the question of whether there is anything left to scrape at the bottom of the barrel.
“Our findings are preliminary, but it appears that the answer is no,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Please don't challenge the US voters like that Andy.
Surely, there must be a worm under a rock somewhere,
that is less qualified and ineffectual than Trump.
I mean yes, he's the worst president in US history.
That's official;
But, that's only SO FAR.
Here's a frightening fact.
Pence is just an impeachment away from inheriting the reins
and he is not without horrible potential.
https://ibb.co/gxPqUo]
Robot Bartender
A GUY GOES INTO A BAR IN NEW YORK WHERE ALL THE BARTENDERS ARE ROBOTS:
THE GUY SITS DOWN AT THE BAR AND THE ROBOT ASKS: "WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?
THE GUY REPLIES, "WHISKEY."
THE ROBOT BRINGS BACK HIS DRINK AND ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?"
THE GUY SAYS, "168"
The robot talks about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
AFTER THE GUY LEAVES, HE PAUSES AT THE STREET CORNER AND THINKS ABOUT WHAT HE JUST ENCOUNTERED,
AND THE MORE HE THINKS ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS HE GETS, SO HE DECIDES TO GO BACK.
THE ROBOT ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR DRINK?"
THE GUY ANSWERS, "WHISKEY."
THE ROBOT RETURNS WITH HIS DRINK AND ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?"
THIS TIME THE MAN REPLIES, "100."
THE ROBOT TALKS ABOUT NASCAR, BUDWEISER, LSU AND ALL-STAR WRESTLING.
THE MAN FINISHES HIS DRINK, LEAVES, BUT IS SO INTERESTED IN THIS "EXPERIMENT" THAT HE DECIDES HE'LL TRY AGAIN.
HE ENTERS THE BAR AND, AS USUAL, THE ROBOT ASKS HIM WHAT HE WANTS TO DRINK.
THE MAN REPLIES, "WHISKEY."
THE ROBOT BRINGS THE DRINK AND ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?"
THIS TIME THE MAN ANSWERS, "50."
THE ROBOT LEANS IN REAL CLOSE AND SLOWLY ASKS,
"SO, ARE YOU PEOPLE STILL UNHAPPY THAT HILLARY LOST?"
THE GUY SITS DOWN AT THE BAR AND THE ROBOT ASKS: "WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?
THE GUY REPLIES, "WHISKEY."
THE ROBOT BRINGS BACK HIS DRINK AND ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?"
THE GUY SAYS, "168"
The robot talks about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
AFTER THE GUY LEAVES, HE PAUSES AT THE STREET CORNER AND THINKS ABOUT WHAT HE JUST ENCOUNTERED,
AND THE MORE HE THINKS ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS HE GETS, SO HE DECIDES TO GO BACK.
THE ROBOT ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR DRINK?"
THE GUY ANSWERS, "WHISKEY."
THE ROBOT RETURNS WITH HIS DRINK AND ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?"
THIS TIME THE MAN REPLIES, "100."
THE ROBOT TALKS ABOUT NASCAR, BUDWEISER, LSU AND ALL-STAR WRESTLING.
THE MAN FINISHES HIS DRINK, LEAVES, BUT IS SO INTERESTED IN THIS "EXPERIMENT" THAT HE DECIDES HE'LL TRY AGAIN.
HE ENTERS THE BAR AND, AS USUAL, THE ROBOT ASKS HIM WHAT HE WANTS TO DRINK.
THE MAN REPLIES, "WHISKEY."
THE ROBOT BRINGS THE DRINK AND ASKS, "WHAT'S YOUR IQ?"
THIS TIME THE MAN ANSWERS, "50."
THE ROBOT LEANS IN REAL CLOSE AND SLOWLY ASKS,
"SO, ARE YOU PEOPLE STILL UNHAPPY THAT HILLARY LOST?"
Terrific News from Singapore :)
In response to: Satire from The Borowitz Report
Kim Jong Un Offers to Host Peace Talks Between United States and Canada
By Andy Borowitz
11:13 A.M.
SINGAPORE (The Borowitz Report)—One day before his summit with Donald J. Trump, the North Korean dictator,
Kim Jong Un, has offered to host peace talks between the United States and Canada.
Speaking to reporters at his hotel in Singapore, Kim said that the rising tensions between the North American neighbors
were posing an “intolerable threat to world peace.”
In addition to offering to host U.S.-Canada talks in Pyongyang, Kim urged the immediate creation of a demilitarized zone
along the border separating the two hostile nations.
“In exchange for Canadian Mounties agreeing to stand down on their side of the border, the United States, in turn,
would dismantle its nuclear weapons,” Kim said.
Although stating that “North Korea stands ready and willing to be an honest broker” in peace talks between the two countries,
he urged Trump to dial back the “inflammatory rhetoric” that he aimed at Canadians over the weekend.
“Violent language and threats have no place in international diplomacy,” Kim said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com
Kim Jong Un Offers to Host Peace Talks Between United States and Canada
By Andy Borowitz
11:13 A.M.
SINGAPORE (The Borowitz Report)—One day before his summit with Donald J. Trump, the North Korean dictator,
Kim Jong Un, has offered to host peace talks between the United States and Canada.
Speaking to reporters at his hotel in Singapore, Kim said that the rising tensions between the North American neighbors
were posing an “intolerable threat to world peace.”
In addition to offering to host U.S.-Canada talks in Pyongyang, Kim urged the immediate creation of a demilitarized zone
along the border separating the two hostile nations.
“In exchange for Canadian Mounties agreeing to stand down on their side of the border, the United States, in turn,
would dismantle its nuclear weapons,” Kim said.
Although stating that “North Korea stands ready and willing to be an honest broker” in peace talks between the two countries,
he urged Trump to dial back the “inflammatory rhetoric” that he aimed at Canadians over the weekend.
“Violent language and threats have no place in international diplomacy,” Kim said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com
Perhaps Kim Jong Un is the more level headed dictator of the two,
in more ways than one.
The Superbowl Winners to meet with Mueller lol
I'm not sure if you have been following this situation, or not.
But Dirty Don Trump started a whole big to do, because several of the black
football players decided to respectfully kneel, instead of stand up,
during playing of the USA national anthem.
They did so, because they (and others) believe that minorities are being targeted
by the police resulting in a much higher percentage of minority individuals in jail
and also being killed during arrests.
This is NOT Nazi Germany. There is no law stating that one has to stand.
But Trump and thus his mindless followers began boycotting (American) football games
putting some economic pressure on the NFL to make a change.
So, the NFL (National Football League) came out with a ruling, that players either have to
stand for the anthem, or remain in the locker room this year.
That may not make a difference, because so far, at least 2 teams agreed to pay player fines,
if they choose to kneel.
If interfering in sports (Dirty Don also withdrew an basketball champion meeting offer)
isn't bad enough Dirty Don withdrew an invitation to the Whitehouse for the Philadelphia Eagles,
the team that won the Superbowl in the beginning of this year.
Every team that has won the Superbowl has been invited and welcomed to the Whitehouse by past presidents.
But this year, Dirty Don Trump withdraws the invitation. The reason he withdraws the invitation,
is because he believes that there was Eagle players who took knee during the National Anthem.
He believes this, not from watching the games, as no Philadelphia Eagle player took a knee
during the entire football season during the National Anthem.
Instead, he saw pictures of players kneeling to pray long before the anthem was played.
What a moron !
So anyway, here is comedian Andy Borowitz's satiric column today in The New Yorker in response to this;
But Dirty Don Trump started a whole big to do, because several of the black
football players decided to respectfully kneel, instead of stand up,
during playing of the USA national anthem.
They did so, because they (and others) believe that minorities are being targeted
by the police resulting in a much higher percentage of minority individuals in jail
and also being killed during arrests.
This is NOT Nazi Germany. There is no law stating that one has to stand.
But Trump and thus his mindless followers began boycotting (American) football games
putting some economic pressure on the NFL to make a change.
So, the NFL (National Football League) came out with a ruling, that players either have to
stand for the anthem, or remain in the locker room this year.
That may not make a difference, because so far, at least 2 teams agreed to pay player fines,
if they choose to kneel.
If interfering in sports (Dirty Don also withdrew an basketball champion meeting offer)
isn't bad enough Dirty Don withdrew an invitation to the Whitehouse for the Philadelphia Eagles,
the team that won the Superbowl in the beginning of this year.
Every team that has won the Superbowl has been invited and welcomed to the Whitehouse by past presidents.
But this year, Dirty Don Trump withdraws the invitation. The reason he withdraws the invitation,
is because he believes that there was Eagle players who took knee during the National Anthem.
He believes this, not from watching the games, as no Philadelphia Eagle player took a knee
during the entire football season during the National Anthem.
Instead, he saw pictures of players kneeling to pray long before the anthem was played.
What a moron !
So anyway, here is comedian Andy Borowitz's satiric column today in The New Yorker in response to this;
In response to: Satire from The Borowitz Report
Philadelphia Eagles Accept Mueller’s Offer to Celebrate With Him
By Andy Borowitz
6:05 P.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Philadelphia Eagles have accepted Robert Mueller’s invitation
to come to his office and celebrate their Super Bowl victory with him, Mueller has confirmed.
The special counsel said that he was “absolutely tickled” that the Eagles had accepted his invitation.
“I’m a huge fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, and it turns out the feeling is mutual,” he said.
According to one member of the team, the Eagles accepted Mueller’s invitation only after being assured
that their visit would not in any way distract the special counsel from “getting his job done.”
“What Bob Mueller is doing is so much more important than any Super Bowl,” the Eagle player said.
“If he wins, the whole world wins.”
For his part, Mueller praised the Eagles for responding to his invitation so quickly, adding,
“I invited Trump to see me months ago, and I still haven’t heard back.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Philadelphia Eagles Accept Mueller’s Offer to Celebrate With Him
By Andy Borowitz
6:05 P.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The Philadelphia Eagles have accepted Robert Mueller’s invitation
to come to his office and celebrate their Super Bowl victory with him, Mueller has confirmed.
The special counsel said that he was “absolutely tickled” that the Eagles had accepted his invitation.
“I’m a huge fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, and it turns out the feeling is mutual,” he said.
According to one member of the team, the Eagles accepted Mueller’s invitation only after being assured
that their visit would not in any way distract the special counsel from “getting his job done.”
“What Bob Mueller is doing is so much more important than any Super Bowl,” the Eagle player said.
“If he wins, the whole world wins.”
For his part, Mueller praised the Eagles for responding to his invitation so quickly, adding,
“I invited Trump to see me months ago, and I still haven’t heard back.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Finally some smidgen of truth out of Guliani ? lol
In response to: Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump’s Lawyers Argue That He Cannot Be Impeached
Because He Was Never Actually Elected
By Andy Borowitz
10:57 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what they believe is a legal masterstroke,
lawyers for Donald J. Trump are now claiming that he cannot be impeached because he was never actually elected.
In a lengthy memo sent to the special counsel, Robert Mueller, the lawyers pushed back vehemently against any allegation
that Trump was legally elected President.
“Because Russian interference made the election of Donald J. Trump wholly illegitimate, any attempt to remove him
from an office that he does not legally hold is clearly impossible,” the memo asserted.
The memo claimed that the Constitution contains “no provision for removing a person from office
when that person was installed there by a foreign power.”
The memo went on to argue that, if a subpoena is sent to the White House, it will be returned to Mueller and stamped “addressee unknown.”
“A person referred to in a subpoena as ‘President’ Donald J. Trump simply does not exist,” the memo claimed.
Minutes after the memo was leaked, the former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani appeared on “Fox & Friends”
and proudly announced that he was its author.
“Sometimes I have to just step back and say, ‘Damn it, Rudy, you’re good,’ ” he said, beaming.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Trump’s Lawyers Argue That He Cannot Be Impeached
Because He Was Never Actually Elected
By Andy Borowitz
10:57 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what they believe is a legal masterstroke,
lawyers for Donald J. Trump are now claiming that he cannot be impeached because he was never actually elected.
In a lengthy memo sent to the special counsel, Robert Mueller, the lawyers pushed back vehemently against any allegation
that Trump was legally elected President.
“Because Russian interference made the election of Donald J. Trump wholly illegitimate, any attempt to remove him
from an office that he does not legally hold is clearly impossible,” the memo asserted.
The memo claimed that the Constitution contains “no provision for removing a person from office
when that person was installed there by a foreign power.”
The memo went on to argue that, if a subpoena is sent to the White House, it will be returned to Mueller and stamped “addressee unknown.”
“A person referred to in a subpoena as ‘President’ Donald J. Trump simply does not exist,” the memo claimed.
Minutes after the memo was leaked, the former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani appeared on “Fox & Friends”
and proudly announced that he was its author.
“Sometimes I have to just step back and say, ‘Damn it, Rudy, you’re good,’ ” he said, beaming.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
Andy ! Andy !
Guliani has so many excuses and story changes,
that it's almost conceivable, that he might try the above.
Trevor Noah on Kim Kardashian's visit to the Whitehouse
"Like with any episode of the Kardashians there's a big butt." 
You're odd !
Your feet smell, while your nose runs.
You park in a driveway, and drive on the parkway
on your way to the store to buy jumbo shrimp.
What the hell is wrong with you ?
You park in a driveway, and drive on the parkway
on your way to the store to buy jumbo shrimp.
What the hell is wrong with you ?
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
Would YOU like to post a blog on Connecting Singles? Have you written blogs that you'd like to share with other members? Posting your blogs shows your skill and creativity and helps members get to know you better. Your blog will appear on the Connecting Singles Blogs page and also in a link on your profile page. Click here to post a blog »