Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

Which way do you prefer your feet tucked in the blankets when you go to bed or your feet out of the blankets ?

A friend asked me to do this. So here goes!

Here are comical quotes from Rodney Dangerfield:



My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

And God Said “Let There Be A Bridge”

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and,

in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking.

The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.

I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”

The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives.

I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries,

what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?.”

I went to the supermarket today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked d*ck headed cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

Im supposed to go to the airport nd pick up a guest tomorrow , well she s actually a Woman I met online and she s coming to visit me, spend some time here in my love cave ...I asked a buddy of mine to accompany me as I don`t like driving alone ...the part where your advice could come handy is ... should I buy some aphrodisiacs ,lean on my lucky star or should I write a letter of apology in advance

maybe ask my buddy to help me out

[yes you can all now start celebrating as I wont be on CS that much]

Ok, let's share each other's experience.

Maybe, about the treatment, food, bed, etc..

Lol..can anyone give any opinion, in case you'd be jailed?

Have a nice weekend fellow CS denizens, ummm citizens. .

Have a nice weekend, guys.

I'm single
I'm not in a relationship
Yes that picture is recent
My internet is too slow for video chat
I wasn't flirting with him/her
What you read is not how it was meant to sound
Distance dosnt matter...

Feel free to add

Scream for no reason, slander libel, shout, fick, feck, fock, fack, blame, lie, pout. Mispel, bs, shout some more, annoy, criticise, blame the new world order. Defend my obvious garbage, b1tch, accuse, display total ignorance, suck up, copy/paste to prove a point I know nothing about, snide, Yay Trump, nay Trump, talk crap but add , because nobody else will laugh. Photoshop my 10 year old pic, invent an interesting life, flirt, dirt, skirt, hurt, swear again. Blame Putin, blame Obama, blame Jeshamud, be fake insulted, flame, troll, rant, boobies, indulge f*ckwits. Scam, spam, slam, this ism, that ism, end of the world.









...Bobin's An*l Thread

lol

Why ,God why did you make me watch this , Im only human ...weak and sad ,I wasn`t ready for this ,now Im gonna take a cold shower
I`ve lost my mind and I hope Im never gonna find it again ...