Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Last Commented, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Deathbed Conversation
Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
The wife replies, "No, my loving husband had a paper route."
"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."
"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."
"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bayside on Blackwater Sound."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
The wife replies, "No, my loving husband had a paper route."
Muldoon"s Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?
One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead.
Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.
But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe.
Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.
Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!
Why did ya' not tell me the dog was Catholic?
Golfer
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting."
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father, how about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know -- put me down for a five."
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud. I almost feel like a hybrid.
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack.
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting."
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
A gushy reporter told Phil Mickelson, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Mickelson replied, "The holes are numbered."
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole, my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father, how about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "I don't know about you, father, but in my church, when we pray, we keep our head down."
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.
The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know -- put me down for a five."
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.
Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.
As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
The man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
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Worst Case Scenarios
Ever have the worst case scenario play out for you at some time or another? What are some of the worst things that could possibly happen? Something like waxing your car only to get a unexpected shower of rain while doing it. See your wife bent over and you grab her a** only to find out it was actually her mother. Call a hooker to your hotel room only to have your daughter show up.
Tax Audit - Waste Not Want Not
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?' 'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles'.
'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits'.
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?' 'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete d*ck'.
'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?' 'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits'.
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?' 'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete d*ck'.
Irish Humor
It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time.
Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity.
Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity.
Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one.
He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."
And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear.
By this time Tim was absolutely terrified.
And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the court without stepping on a single duck.
Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass.
Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life.
He gasped, "I don't understand it!"
The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity.
Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity.
Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one.
He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."
And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear.
By this time Tim was absolutely terrified.
And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the court without stepping on a single duck.
Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass.
Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life.
He gasped, "I don't understand it!"
The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
A Little Humor
A little humor. 
Why did the chimp sell his banana store? He was tired of all the monkey business.
What kind of horse makes you wake up scared? A nightmare.
What is the tallest building in town? The library. It has the most stories.
Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn't had a suit.
You have the right to remain silent; Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute? Who cares?
Why did the chimp sell his banana store? He was tired of all the monkey business.
What kind of horse makes you wake up scared? A nightmare.
What is the tallest building in town? The library. It has the most stories.
Since a lawyer joined our nudist colony, he hasn't had a suit.
You have the right to remain silent; Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
A lawyer is someone who writes an eighty-page document and calls it a brief!
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute? Who cares?
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Does Anyone Have The Recipe For Pot Cookies?
This is a kinda follow on to Ash's Full Moon blog. 
I heard that there was going to be something called a drum circle at Da Lake* to celebrate the rising of the Strawberry Full Moon.
As I enjoy music, I thought I'd head down to the beach & take it in.
Some nice young lady had thoughtfully prepared home made cookies for the event.
Very generous of her!
They were very tasty...I know they contained chocolate chips.
Anyway.
As the young lady passed her plate of cookies around, she described them as 'pot cookies'.
I'd never heard of anything so crazy.
PAN cakes? Well, yeah. I've heard of those. Who hasn't, right?
But...POT cookies?!
How does one make cookies in a POT?!
And WHY?
Wouldn't one use a cookie sheets to make cookies?
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
BUT -
Those cookies sure were good!
Odd...it somehow slipped my mind to ask the nice young lady for the recipe.
So...
If any of y'all have a recipe for pot cookies, I'd sure appreciate it if you'd share it.
Or, for that matter, just explain how cookies are made in a pot.
Never heard of anything so crazy!
But they sure were good cookies, you betcha!
*Da Lake - Here 'bouts, Da Lake always & only refers to Lake Michigan.
...
I heard that there was going to be something called a drum circle at Da Lake* to celebrate the rising of the Strawberry Full Moon.
As I enjoy music, I thought I'd head down to the beach & take it in.
Some nice young lady had thoughtfully prepared home made cookies for the event.
Very generous of her!
They were very tasty...I know they contained chocolate chips.
Anyway.
As the young lady passed her plate of cookies around, she described them as 'pot cookies'.
I'd never heard of anything so crazy.
PAN cakes? Well, yeah. I've heard of those. Who hasn't, right?
But...POT cookies?!
How does one make cookies in a POT?!
And WHY?
Wouldn't one use a cookie sheets to make cookies?
IT JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
BUT -
Those cookies sure were good!
Odd...it somehow slipped my mind to ask the nice young lady for the recipe.
So...
If any of y'all have a recipe for pot cookies, I'd sure appreciate it if you'd share it.
Or, for that matter, just explain how cookies are made in a pot.
Never heard of anything so crazy!
But they sure were good cookies, you betcha!
*Da Lake - Here 'bouts, Da Lake always & only refers to Lake Michigan.
...
The Genie
An elderly woman was rocking on her front porch when her dog, Rover, appeared with a lamp in his mouth. The woman took the lamp from the dog and_poof_a genie appeared. The genie said, "Your three wishes will be my commands".
The lady thought for a moment and said, "I'd like to be rich". The genie clapped her hands, turned her rocking chair into solid gold and said, "Your next wish?"
"I would like to be young and beautiful again." The genie clapped her hands and her wish was granted. She once again was young and beautiful. "And your final wish?"
At that, the dog let out a whimper as though he wanted to be part of this wonderful event. "Well, I haven't enjoyed the company of a good looking beau in quite a while. Could you possibly make my Rover my handsome beau?
The genie clapped her hands and then disappeared; Rover had become a gorgeous hunk. His resemblance to Brad Pitt made the woman shiver with excitement. She gave him her best "come hither look so he nuzzled up to the rejuvenated young maiden and whispered in her ear, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
The lady thought for a moment and said, "I'd like to be rich". The genie clapped her hands, turned her rocking chair into solid gold and said, "Your next wish?"
"I would like to be young and beautiful again." The genie clapped her hands and her wish was granted. She once again was young and beautiful. "And your final wish?"
At that, the dog let out a whimper as though he wanted to be part of this wonderful event. "Well, I haven't enjoyed the company of a good looking beau in quite a while. Could you possibly make my Rover my handsome beau?
The genie clapped her hands and then disappeared; Rover had become a gorgeous hunk. His resemblance to Brad Pitt made the woman shiver with excitement. She gave him her best "come hither look so he nuzzled up to the rejuvenated young maiden and whispered in her ear, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
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