Last Commented Comedy Blogs (1,864)

"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy .. do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

The only cow in a small Iowa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Wisconsin for $200.

They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wisconsin?” The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Wisconsin.”

Young preacher Nathan was sitting in a lunch counter eating spaghetti and salad. He opened an envelope he’d just received that morning from his mother. As he opened it a thirty bucks fell out. He thought to himself; ”Thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now.” As Nathan finished his food, he saw a beggar outside of the restaurant on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. Nathan thinking that the poor man could probably use the thirty bucks more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters,

‘Persevere!’

So as not to make a dramatic scene, he put the envelope under poor man’s arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The poor man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next midday, as Nathan enjoyed his meal, the same guy tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young preacher asked him what that was for. The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Your favorite horse Persevere came in first in the sixth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty five to one.”

I’d be very offended if you did not laugh!!

























My favourite flavour!!!






Have a great week ahead, CS pervs...oops..I mean peeps

Shockingly true. Finally someone in the Lib'rul world sees and expresses the truth. 



Way to go Jonathan Pie.

The TRUTH hurts but for humanity's sake we must face it and do something about it.

(With apologies to linds Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, eh linds? )

Three ducks appeared in court one day for causing a disturbance at the park. As the ducks approached the stand, the judge called the first duck up and ask his name and what he was doing that day. The duck replied "my name is Huey and I was in and out of puddles all day."

"Very good" said the judge as he told the duck to step down and called up the 2nd duck and asked him his name and what he was doing that day. "My name is Louie and I spent all day in and out of puddles."

The judge excused the 2nd duck and called on the third duck. The judge said "let me guess, your name is Dewy, and you spent all day in and out of puddles right?"

"NO" growled the 3rd duck, "My name is Puddles and don't ask me about that day."

My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.

She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”

She’s standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”

He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?”

“A hand job”, Harry reply.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ……

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”

How to tow an MG.

Before you start, you must determine what kind of MG you have. Is it an MGA, MGB MGTD or a variant of same? It could be an MG Midget. You may have an Austen Healey Sprite which looks like an MG but isn't. Not that it matters anyway. The thing you must keep in mind at all times is never tow an MG faster than 80 Miles per Hour as automotive engineers don't know what might happen at that speed. The hood (Bonnet) might fly off or the wheel bearings might catch fire. One sure thing is the Dunlap Gold Seal Tyres will surely explode. For this reason you should never attempt to tow an MG with a Volkswagon Beetle as the temptation is just too great.

to be continued:

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this... pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.