Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
We have an 'ant' problem...
That's what it sounds like. A man and woman talking about their new house and the only problem is the ant infestation. Actually, it's not ants, it's aunts and it's a GEICO commercial!
"Expired, expired, expired..."
"Expired, expired, expired..."
TDS has been replaced by BDS...
If you recall when Hillary lost, Republicans started in with the Hillary Derangement Syndrome for anyone who couldn't believe Trump won. They switched to the Trump Derangement Syndrome as Hillary faded out. Actually, it's not completely gone as I've seen mention of Hillary from time-to-time... probably used by the Obama was born in Kenya group.
So now it's their turn to whack Biden. Too bad he inherited a steaming pile of turd. Oh... when one administration is leaving office, they are to officially turn over the play book. Kinda like Trump telling Biden what deal(s) he made with the Taliban for the Afghanistan issue. You know... small things like that. Or, where money was appropriated for distribution of the new vaccine.
(I'm thinking Trump sabotaged the new administration and that trickles down to America as a whole.)
Those issues don't get considered. Probably because Republicans are saying Biden is a feeble, senile old man suffering from dementia. I know if you say anything many times (true or false) about something, people will eventually believe you. The Obama/Kenya thing for example. Yeah, Biden is one guy, a leader with a team of advisers. I read yesterday, someone called him Obambiden! Pretty funny... yeah?
The syndrome now isn't Democrats complaining about Trump. It's Republicans complaining about Biden. How many more certified voter recounts does America need??
I haven't checked, but I'm guessing there are a few blogs a week of Republicans suffering from BDS.
Take a look in the mirror as you say others are suffering from TDS reveals you are suffering from BDS.
Although the blog is tagged Comedy, it's really a serious matter.
So now it's their turn to whack Biden. Too bad he inherited a steaming pile of turd. Oh... when one administration is leaving office, they are to officially turn over the play book. Kinda like Trump telling Biden what deal(s) he made with the Taliban for the Afghanistan issue. You know... small things like that. Or, where money was appropriated for distribution of the new vaccine.
(I'm thinking Trump sabotaged the new administration and that trickles down to America as a whole.)
Those issues don't get considered. Probably because Republicans are saying Biden is a feeble, senile old man suffering from dementia. I know if you say anything many times (true or false) about something, people will eventually believe you. The Obama/Kenya thing for example. Yeah, Biden is one guy, a leader with a team of advisers. I read yesterday, someone called him Obambiden! Pretty funny... yeah?
The syndrome now isn't Democrats complaining about Trump. It's Republicans complaining about Biden. How many more certified voter recounts does America need??
I haven't checked, but I'm guessing there are a few blogs a week of Republicans suffering from BDS.
Take a look in the mirror as you say others are suffering from TDS reveals you are suffering from BDS.
Although the blog is tagged Comedy, it's really a serious matter.
That's a guy thing......
A bloke goes to the council to apply for a job in the office.
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am..
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.There's no point coming in for that.".............
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am..
I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the
interviewer says, "For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.There's no point coming in for that.".............
Fun blog...joinup..
Pick up
Whatsapp...makeup...Putup
Pop up,stay up,sun up,roll up,set up and throw up...
Getup fedup...Giveup
Throwup....Cheeerup
Closeup....please don't tell me ...shutup
Most important Look up and be thankful
God is there....being hopeful
And having faith is ....upping our energy.
Welcome with any upping for this
Blog...
(For the Slow....any words with up
Or if ....say it....feel happy
)
Sometimes you feel like a nut....
As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my 1903 heirloom rifl*e-- which no longer works-- and crept downstairs, forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit.
I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.
"What are you doing" she asked.
"I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."
Scanning the contours of my doughy, nak*ed body, she mumbled,
"You didn't need the gu*n."
I came around the corner with the gun raised, only to find my wife loading the dishwasher.
"What are you doing" she asked.
"I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him."
Scanning the contours of my doughy, nak*ed body, she mumbled,
"You didn't need the gu*n."
The joke's on her.....
So four dudes spend weeks planning the perfect camping and fishing trip to a remote and disconnected spot.
Two days before they are due to leave, Dave's wife puts her foot down and tells him he's not going.
His buddies are naturally pissed off that he can't go, but what can they do, they decide to push on
Two days later the three fellas arrive at the remote camp site to find Dave sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, beer open and fish cooking on the fire. Steve: 'Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?'
Dave: 'I've been here since last night.. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who..' I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She then took my hand and led me to our bedroom.The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed were handcuffs and ropes!She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did.'
'And then she said:' 'Do whatever you want.'....So here....I am
Two days before they are due to leave, Dave's wife puts her foot down and tells him he's not going.
His buddies are naturally pissed off that he can't go, but what can they do, they decide to push on
Two days later the three fellas arrive at the remote camp site to find Dave sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, beer open and fish cooking on the fire. Steve: 'Damn man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?'
Dave: 'I've been here since last night.. Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who..' I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see-through nightie. She then took my hand and led me to our bedroom.The room had two dozen candles and rose petals all over. On the bed were handcuffs and ropes!She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, so I did.'
'And then she said:' 'Do whatever you want.'....So here....I am
What an.. instrument.....
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor”
“Of course child. What may I do for you”
“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me.. Hide it under your robes perhaps”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare”
“From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor”
Father replied, “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next please!”
“Of course child. What may I do for you”
“Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me.. Hide it under your robes perhaps”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,” she replied.
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare”
“From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor”
Father replied, “I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next please!”
She got him good!....
At a girl’s college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.
“I want to surprise her. You see, I’m her brother.”
“Oh, she’ll be surprised all right,” said the woman. “But think of how surprised I am! I’m her mother!”
He was busted
“I want to surprise her. You see, I’m her brother.”
“Oh, she’ll be surprised all right,” said the woman. “But think of how surprised I am! I’m her mother!”
He was busted
Oops! He ain't going to that bar!!
So a couple had been married for only two weeks when the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go into town, tease the barmaids and party with his old buddies.
And so he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going coochy cooh..." asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." He said.
The wife said to him, "you want a beer my love..See."
Then she opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer- brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
Not knowing what to do, the husband thought of something different and said to the wife, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass..."
He didn't even get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupted him saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face"
She took out a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills just by holding it.
The husband was frustrated but luckily he thought of a winner excuse, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK"
"You want hors d'oeuvres poochy pooh"
Again, she opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."
The wife smiled and said, "you want some dirty words cutie pie..here, SIT THE F*%K DOWN - DRINK YOUR F%KIN' BEER IN YOUR FROZEN F*%KIN' MUG - EAT YOUR F*%KIN' SNACKS! YOU AREN'T GOING TO THE F*%KIN' BAR !!! GOT IT,
A**HOLE !".
(Sit your butt down cause she the boss now.)
And so he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going coochy cooh..." asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." He said.
The wife said to him, "you want a beer my love..See."
Then she opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer- brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
Not knowing what to do, the husband thought of something different and said to the wife, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass..."
He didn't even get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupted him saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face"
She took out a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills just by holding it.
The husband was frustrated but luckily he thought of a winner excuse, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK"
"You want hors d'oeuvres poochy pooh"
Again, she opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."
The wife smiled and said, "you want some dirty words cutie pie..here, SIT THE F*%K DOWN - DRINK YOUR F%KIN' BEER IN YOUR FROZEN F*%KIN' MUG - EAT YOUR F*%KIN' SNACKS! YOU AREN'T GOING TO THE F*%KIN' BAR !!! GOT IT,
A**HOLE !".
(Sit your butt down cause she the boss now.)
A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, your thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you have learned. It's your own page on Connecting Singles that you can update on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. You can write about an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with Connecting Singles members. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about members you have met here. Please be sure to read the blog rules before posting.
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