Here is a list of Comedy Blogs ordered by Most Liked, posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Here's something BOTH sides of the aisle can agree on.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Favor Fifteen Dollars an Hour for Congress
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Americans took to the streets in large numbers on Thursday to show their support for a fifteen-dollar-an-hour wage for members of Congress.
In major cities across the nation, fast-food workers and other service employees held signs, shouted chants, and gave impassioned speeches to demonstrate their conviction that Congress deserves a maximum hourly wage of fifteen dollars.
“Members of Congress are people, just like you and me,” Tracy Klugian, a McDonald’s employee who took part in the Washington protest, said. “They should be paid what they deserve.”
Assuming that they continue to take off approximately two hundred and forty days a year, members of Congress earning the proposed maximum would see their average annual income adjusted from a hundred and seventy-four thousand dollars to thirteen thousand five hundred dollars, a salary that many marchers called “fair and equitable.”
“I know what members of Congress will say: ‘I can’t live on that,’” Harland Dorrinson, a protester in Chicago, said. “Well, if they want to earn more, they should go out and acquire some skills.”
While organizers of the marches proclaimed today’s protests a success, in some cities the demonstrations met some opposition from counter-protesters, who argued that fifteen dollars was too much.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Favor Fifteen Dollars an Hour for Congress
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Americans took to the streets in large numbers on Thursday to show their support for a fifteen-dollar-an-hour wage for members of Congress.
In major cities across the nation, fast-food workers and other service employees held signs, shouted chants, and gave impassioned speeches to demonstrate their conviction that Congress deserves a maximum hourly wage of fifteen dollars.
“Members of Congress are people, just like you and me,” Tracy Klugian, a McDonald’s employee who took part in the Washington protest, said. “They should be paid what they deserve.”
Assuming that they continue to take off approximately two hundred and forty days a year, members of Congress earning the proposed maximum would see their average annual income adjusted from a hundred and seventy-four thousand dollars to thirteen thousand five hundred dollars, a salary that many marchers called “fair and equitable.”
“I know what members of Congress will say: ‘I can’t live on that,’” Harland Dorrinson, a protester in Chicago, said. “Well, if they want to earn more, they should go out and acquire some skills.”
While organizers of the marches proclaimed today’s protests a success, in some cities the demonstrations met some opposition from counter-protesters, who argued that fifteen dollars was too much.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Quotes of the day
In response to: “Really the best day since he got elected,” said Kellyanne Conway, the president’s counselor, about a day on which 400 pages dropped into the public’s lap describing relentless presidential misconduct and serial engagements between his campaign and a foreign actor.
and from her husband, conservative lawyer, George Conway;
In response to: “Trump is a cancer on the presidency. Congress should remove him”
Can you imagine dinner conversations at THAT household ?
I guess we know which one is blonde.
If that was his "best day since he got elected", it speaks volumes about how terrible his presidency actually has been.
lol Worse than the Trojan Horse
10:40 am today in; The New Yorker
Oh, I imagine many of the shots will not be taken with cameras.
Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time, before Trump totally sold out the US.
It follows suite after he let the 3 Russians in to bug the White House, as one of his
first 'diplomatic' ventures upon residing in the oval office.
So, now in reality, Trump will celebrate the 4th of July with a parade of tanks.
Because nothing says July 4, 1776 like tanks.
Hitler would be proud.
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump’s Fourth of July Parade to Include Flyover by Russian Air Force
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “incredibly exciting news,” President Donald Trump revealed on Wednesday that his long-planned Fourth of July parade in Washington will include a flyover by Russian Su-24 fighter planes.
“These are beautiful, gleaming Russian planes,” Trump boasted to Tucker Carlson, of Fox News. “I’m the first American President who’s had Russian fighters flying over Washington.”
He said that he finalized the flyover deal while speaking to the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, at the G-20 Summit last week. “Putin said, ‘This is the least we can do, after all you’ve done for us,’ ” Trump said.
Trump said he imagined that the crews of the Russian military aircraft will be thrilled to fly over the nation’s capital. “I’m sure they’ll be taking a lot of pictures,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump’s Fourth of July Parade to Include Flyover by Russian Air Force
By Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “incredibly exciting news,” President Donald Trump revealed on Wednesday that his long-planned Fourth of July parade in Washington will include a flyover by Russian Su-24 fighter planes.
“These are beautiful, gleaming Russian planes,” Trump boasted to Tucker Carlson, of Fox News. “I’m the first American President who’s had Russian fighters flying over Washington.”
He said that he finalized the flyover deal while speaking to the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, at the G-20 Summit last week. “Putin said, ‘This is the least we can do, after all you’ve done for us,’ ” Trump said.
Trump said he imagined that the crews of the Russian military aircraft will be thrilled to fly over the nation’s capital. “I’m sure they’ll be taking a lot of pictures,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Oh, I imagine many of the shots will not be taken with cameras.
Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time, before Trump totally sold out the US.
It follows suite after he let the 3 Russians in to bug the White House, as one of his
first 'diplomatic' ventures upon residing in the oval office.
So, now in reality, Trump will celebrate the 4th of July with a parade of tanks.
Because nothing says July 4, 1776 like tanks.
Hitler would be proud.
Infestation south of Baltimore
This new one from Andy is no doubt in response to Trump's early morning Tweets today
attempting to vilify a Congressman regarding housing in his district of Baltimore,
due to unrelated comments the Congressman made about the findings of Mueller's testimony.
Today in The New Yorker;
My only disagreement would be, that the residence there by criminals is not a
best kept secret, nor a secret at all. Hopefully, there will be wholesale eviction
soon.
attempting to vilify a Congressman regarding housing in his district of Baltimore,
due to unrelated comments the Congressman made about the findings of Mueller's testimony.
Today in The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Government Housing Structure Infested with Criminals and Rats
By Andy Borowitz
11:00 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A government-subsidized housing structure has fallen into a dangerous state and has become thoroughly infested with criminals and rats, a leading congressman warned on Saturday.
The building has become “the territory of vicious gangsters who roam freely and consider themselves above the law,” Representative Elijah Cummings, a Democrat of Maryland, said.
The congressman added that notorious gang members took over the housing facility in early 2017 and have “spread terror and despair” there ever since.
“People are scared to be there,” Cummings said. “Hundreds have fled.”
He said that the horrific conditions within the housing complex are one of the nation’s worst-kept secrets. “Many of the people who have fled over the past two years have written books about it,” he said. “But the criminals continue to run wild.”
The congressman said that he was speaking out for the benefit of the residents in his Baltimore, Maryland, district. “I am alarmed that the nation’s worst breeding ground for crime is less than fifty miles from Baltimore,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Government Housing Structure Infested with Criminals and Rats
By Andy Borowitz
11:00 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A government-subsidized housing structure has fallen into a dangerous state and has become thoroughly infested with criminals and rats, a leading congressman warned on Saturday.
The building has become “the territory of vicious gangsters who roam freely and consider themselves above the law,” Representative Elijah Cummings, a Democrat of Maryland, said.
The congressman added that notorious gang members took over the housing facility in early 2017 and have “spread terror and despair” there ever since.
“People are scared to be there,” Cummings said. “Hundreds have fled.”
He said that the horrific conditions within the housing complex are one of the nation’s worst-kept secrets. “Many of the people who have fled over the past two years have written books about it,” he said. “But the criminals continue to run wild.”
The congressman said that he was speaking out for the benefit of the residents in his Baltimore, Maryland, district. “I am alarmed that the nation’s worst breeding ground for crime is less than fifty miles from Baltimore,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
My only disagreement would be, that the residence there by criminals is not a
best kept secret, nor a secret at all. Hopefully, there will be wholesale eviction
soon.
2 Parrots
A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"
Newest satire by Borowitz - funny.
Moments ago in The New Yorker;
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Fear That Former Trump Staffers Will Be Released Into Their Cities
By Andy Borowitz
10:55 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans are in a state of abject panic amid reports that Donald J. Trump is threatening to dump thousands of fired Cabinet members and aides on cities that do not support him.
Harland Dorrinson, who lives in San Francisco, said that “every American should be alarmed” at the spectre of former Trump staffers like Kirstjen Nielsen, Scott Pruitt, and Anthony Scaramucci descending on their towns.
“A lot of these people were unsavory to begin with, and their time at the White House only hardened them,” he said.
Carol Foyler, who resides in Boston, said that, with Trump staffers being fired at a rate of four hundred a day, she lives in terror at the prospect of these castoffs melting into the general population.
“I was on line at Starbucks the other day and I thought I saw Steve Bannon,” she said.
“It turned out it was just some other creepy-looking guy, but my heart was racing.
The fear is real.”
Tracy Klugian, who lives in Minneapolis, has started a petition to create a city ordinance preventing former Trump aides from settling in his town. “This city is full,” he said.
As they brace themselves for an onslaught of fired Trump underlings, some Americans are grasping for a silver lining. “As of now, Stephen Miller and Sarah Huckabee Sanders are still employed at the White House, where their movements can be closely monitored,” Foyler said. “But, it if that changes, God help us all.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Americans Fear That Former Trump Staffers Will Be Released Into Their Cities
By Andy Borowitz
10:55 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Americans are in a state of abject panic amid reports that Donald J. Trump is threatening to dump thousands of fired Cabinet members and aides on cities that do not support him.
Harland Dorrinson, who lives in San Francisco, said that “every American should be alarmed” at the spectre of former Trump staffers like Kirstjen Nielsen, Scott Pruitt, and Anthony Scaramucci descending on their towns.
“A lot of these people were unsavory to begin with, and their time at the White House only hardened them,” he said.
Carol Foyler, who resides in Boston, said that, with Trump staffers being fired at a rate of four hundred a day, she lives in terror at the prospect of these castoffs melting into the general population.
“I was on line at Starbucks the other day and I thought I saw Steve Bannon,” she said.
“It turned out it was just some other creepy-looking guy, but my heart was racing.
The fear is real.”
Tracy Klugian, who lives in Minneapolis, has started a petition to create a city ordinance preventing former Trump aides from settling in his town. “This city is full,” he said.
As they brace themselves for an onslaught of fired Trump underlings, some Americans are grasping for a silver lining. “As of now, Stephen Miller and Sarah Huckabee Sanders are still employed at the White House, where their movements can be closely monitored,” Foyler said. “But, it if that changes, God help us all.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Pelosi has very bold move to end government shutdown quickly lol
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Pelosi Says She Will Skip Trump and Negotiate Directly with Putin
By Andy Borowitz
11:43 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bold gambit to end the government shutdown,
the House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, said on Saturday that she would bypass Donald J. Trump
and negotiate directly with the Russian President, Vladimir Putin.
“I owe it to the American people to bring this shutdown to the swiftest possible conclusion,
and so I’m avoiding the middleman,” she said.
Pelosi, who is scheduled to board a plane to Moscow Saturday night,
said that she had not informed Trump of her plans to deal directly with Putin.
“Whatever,” she said.
In an official statement, Putin said that he welcomed Pelosi’s overture
and shared her desire to end the shutdown.
“At some point, I’d like to visit Yellowstone,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Pelosi Says She Will Skip Trump and Negotiate Directly with Putin
By Andy Borowitz
11:43 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a bold gambit to end the government shutdown,
the House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, said on Saturday that she would bypass Donald J. Trump
and negotiate directly with the Russian President, Vladimir Putin.
“I owe it to the American people to bring this shutdown to the swiftest possible conclusion,
and so I’m avoiding the middleman,” she said.
Pelosi, who is scheduled to board a plane to Moscow Saturday night,
said that she had not informed Trump of her plans to deal directly with Putin.
“Whatever,” she said.
In an official statement, Putin said that he welcomed Pelosi’s overture
and shared her desire to end the shutdown.
“At some point, I’d like to visit Yellowstone,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,”
and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com
Whether it's withdrawl of troops, sanctions, or other issues, clearly Trump simply does what Putin wants,
due to all the money Trump takes in from illegally laundering Russian money.
So, negotiating with the boss is likely a more productive avenue, or.... (insert Russian word for street here).
She toad dem to cwal unda a wok...
It was a spectacular event Friday night. The Conservative Borg mothership came into orbit around Earth and two hundred thousand sleeper cells lit up. They began posting identical comments on every public forum!
"Mueller's report exonerated Trump over any collusion"
"Lock her up"
"No collusion"
"Corrupt Democratic party"
"Two years wasted"
"Witch Hunt"
"Fake News"
"Time to investigate the liberals"
"Democrats will now begin to discredit Mueller and suggest Putin payed him off"
(and my persoanal favorite)
"Trump is the greatest president in modern times. Period."
Except for the na na na na na na... childish maturity, you guys are GREAT!
"Mueller's report exonerated Trump over any collusion"
"Lock her up"
"No collusion"
"Corrupt Democratic party"
"Two years wasted"
"Witch Hunt"
"Fake News"
"Time to investigate the liberals"
"Democrats will now begin to discredit Mueller and suggest Putin payed him off"
(and my persoanal favorite)
"Trump is the greatest president in modern times. Period."
Except for the na na na na na na... childish maturity, you guys are GREAT!
Another Trump Administration replacement ? lol
This most recent offering is a prime example of Andy Borowitz's terrific wit & satire.
It's outlandish, but given the actual behavior of the current worst US president in history, including his own collegiate journey, it's almost believable.
Indeed, the supposed outgoing secretary and actual Trump appointee is likely worse.
With no further delay, here is today's hilarious Borowitz Report from The New Yorker hot off the press;
Enjoy
It's outlandish, but given the actual behavior of the current worst US president in history, including his own collegiate journey, it's almost believable.
Indeed, the supposed outgoing secretary and actual Trump appointee is likely worse.
With no further delay, here is today's hilarious Borowitz Report from The New Yorker hot off the press;
Enjoy
In response to:
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Names Lori Loughlin Education Secretary
By Andy Borowitz
11:17 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The shakeup in the Trump Administration continued on Wednesday as Donald Trump named a fellow television personality, Lori Loughlin, to be the new Secretary of Education.
In making the announcement, Trump praised Loughlin for her “disruptive approach” to college admissions and expressed hope that she could bring the same brand of innovative thinking to the Department of Education.
He brushed aside reporters’ questions about the means by which Loughlin obtained college placements for her two daughters. “No one here has a problem with that,” he said. “I know Jared doesn’t.”
The outgoing Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, said that she was grateful to have served in the Cabinet and that she would continue to work toward eviscerating American schools as a private citizen.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Satire from The Borowitz Report
Trump Names Lori Loughlin Education Secretary
By Andy Borowitz
11:17 A.M.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The shakeup in the Trump Administration continued on Wednesday as Donald Trump named a fellow television personality, Lori Loughlin, to be the new Secretary of Education.
In making the announcement, Trump praised Loughlin for her “disruptive approach” to college admissions and expressed hope that she could bring the same brand of innovative thinking to the Department of Education.
He brushed aside reporters’ questions about the means by which Loughlin obtained college placements for her two daughters. “No one here has a problem with that,” he said. “I know Jared doesn’t.”
The outgoing Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, said that she was grateful to have served in the Cabinet and that she would continue to work toward eviscerating American schools as a private citizen.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian
who has written for The New Yorker since 1998.
He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.
Reach out to me...
"Reach out to me" is the catch-phrase that replaced the old "Let's touch base"
LTB is already on my list of pet peeves for being over used.
The phrase "Call me sometime" must have died and gone to heaven.
It doesn't take long before I start mimicking people who constantly repeat themselves. I had a customer who repeated herself at least 3 times per conversation. I'm not sure if it's for her benefit or mine. Maybe she's trying to 'reach out to me.'
My brother used to say "Don't be so redundant" a lot and that always brought a smile... until I heard it a thousand times and shouted back... "Don't be so redundant"
Surely I was reaching out to him on that !!
I assigned a project to a general contractor to remove an old kitchen so I can install the new one and our meeting went smoothly on our first project together. As we were leaving, we thanked the client for his time and indicated we need a week or so to gather our information to present a final proposal.
With a smile on his face, the client replied... "Good, have your people call my people... "
LTB is already on my list of pet peeves for being over used.
The phrase "Call me sometime" must have died and gone to heaven.
It doesn't take long before I start mimicking people who constantly repeat themselves. I had a customer who repeated herself at least 3 times per conversation. I'm not sure if it's for her benefit or mine. Maybe she's trying to 'reach out to me.'
My brother used to say "Don't be so redundant" a lot and that always brought a smile... until I heard it a thousand times and shouted back... "Don't be so redundant"
Surely I was reaching out to him on that !!
I assigned a project to a general contractor to remove an old kitchen so I can install the new one and our meeting went smoothly on our first project together. As we were leaving, we thanked the client for his time and indicated we need a week or so to gather our information to present a final proposal.
With a smile on his face, the client replied... "Good, have your people call my people... "
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