does dating a woman with a CHILD cause problems (87)
MALIQ273: curious to know
why would it cause problems?
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For the most part, it depends more on the mother than on the child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
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54xmax: For the most part, it depends more on the mother than on the child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
a very valid point....I am kind towards children.....but as you say.....what can one do...????...if faced with this problem......??????If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
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unlaoised: why would it cause problems?
That's what I was thinking....though all my 4 daughters are adults and on their own, I would have no problem dating a man who still has minor children at home.
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I can only comment about dating a man who has a child.
I would say it depends on the stage of life you are in and your lifestyle. If you date someone with kids, you have to accept that the kids will always come first and someone is just not as footloose as a partner without kids.
Personal preference as well, I simply would prefer someone with a similar lifestyle as I have.
I would say it depends on the stage of life you are in and your lifestyle. If you date someone with kids, you have to accept that the kids will always come first and someone is just not as footloose as a partner without kids.
Personal preference as well, I simply would prefer someone with a similar lifestyle as I have.
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54xmax: For the most part, it depends more on the mother than on the child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
Here's the thing -
When families merge together - it is tough, however, leave the discipline of her child to her, and if you had a child she would not interfere with your method for dealing with your child. You do not know the history or relationship that she has. The child was probably testing you to see how you would react and you did not do well at all.
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unlaoised: why would it cause problems?
Now can you see how it might cause problems?------ This poll is Archived ------
54xmax: For the most part, it depends more on the mother than on the child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
If a woman in time does not let a man into the life also by letting him have a voice in raising a child. By supporting him, and of course he supports her. . . . If she comes right out, in front of the child ( Something that happened to me on occasion or two ).
"It is not your child, you have no right to say anything to my kid." ( The situation was, that the child was behaving like a spoiled brat, and was utterly disrespectful, so I told the kid to behave in a normal way, by explaining why it is not right to throw a tantrum, AFTER the mother did absolutely nothing about it ).
Then yes, then it is an issue, and I would stay away from such an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
People have different parenting styles. There is merit in not giving attention to a child who is having a tantrum in order to get attention. Even negative attention may reinforce the behaviour.
Children are at times utterly disrespectful, just as they are utterly egocentric - they're not born with the capacity to be aware of other's needs, only their own. Interacting with others is a developmental process which requires patient handling, self- and other awareness. It can be a very difficult thing for adults to handle appropriately at times, as we have needs too.
Telling a child to behave 'normally' is perhaps a bit useless if 'normal' for them in that moment is to express their frustration. You're perhaps also suppressing their emotions which can be developmentally damaging. An alternative to ignoring the tantrum might be stating the child's emotions for them - this can be a very powerful technique. So simply stating, "You're angry and frustrated" not only provides recognition and acceptance of how the child is feeling (they're entitled to their own feelings as we all are!), it provides an example of a more appropriate way of expressing those feelings; they can learn from your example to say, "I'm feeling frustrated and angry" rather than chucking a wobbly. If they calm down you can then go on to explore how those feelings have come about for the child and start to negotiate the dynamic ("No, I'm sorry you can't have/do that right now because blah, blah, blah...but you can blah, blah, blah...)
It seems your developmental process regarding interacting with others is to assume you're right and disparage the child's own mother by calling her names (is this a good example to set?) It sounds to me from your post that you allowed yourself to be manipulated by the child and interact emotionally; the child got you to join in with their tantrum. Remember, the child might be the most physically vulnerable person in the house (they need their physical/emotional needs to be met in order to survive and grow), but they are the most powerful person in the house as a consequence - providing for their needs sets the timetable and dynamic within the family unit.
In turn, the mother reacted to your tantrum and told you to butt out. I get why she did that - you were probably interrupting their unspoken rhythm rather than observing and understanding how you could fit in with that long established bond and communication between them (also a very difficult thing to do). The tiniest movement of the eyes between mother and child can be a communication which speaks volumes, never forget that, never expect to power over it. You have some responsibility for finding a way of joining in with that intimate, subtle and complex bond.
Right now, you could to start with examining the resentment you've expressed in your post. The interaction you describe is as much to do with you as anyone else in that dynamic.
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JeanKimberley: Yikes! Strange things must be out of whack with the universe when I start agreeing with Obsts and his advice!
I feel the same way as you Jean!
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unlaoised: why would it cause problems?
It shouldn't but it can.
The practicality of time restrictions, same if a woman works awkward hours. Some guys wouldn't have the patience to re-arrange dates.
Same vice versa of course! Depends on the individuals, some have more patience than others.
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mikemo68: does dating a man with a child cause problems?..
It wouldn't be a problem for me. I think more & more people are becoming more open to dating a person w/ younger children at home.
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.. 
minnieme2: It shouldn't but it can.
The practicality of time restrictions, same if a woman works awkward hours. Some guys wouldn't have the patience to re-arrange dates.
Same vice versa of course! Depends on the individuals, some have more patience than others.
The practicality of time restrictions, same if a woman works awkward hours. Some guys wouldn't have the patience to re-arrange dates.
Same vice versa of course! Depends on the individuals, some have more patience than others.
Fair point. It's a while since I've had young children, so I hadn't thought about it much.
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MALIQ273: curious to know
Could be, I was trying to date a woman I met
her 11 years young daughter didn't want me
around. So, yes, could be.
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MALIQ273: curious to know
if you really love the person.. you should love those people around her most especially the child / children..
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pinay_survivor: if you really love the person.. you should love those people around her most especially the child / children..
What if the child around her doesn't want to love
anyone getting closer to his/her mom.
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Times are changing and becoming more favorable for women with children to find dates and partners. Besides, the life style of human beings have been changed altogether. Happy families with parents, grandparents, staying together for years, have become a myth, fantasy and fairy tale. Be it man or woman, circumstances are pushing people to live their individual lives. Single parents is no longer a rare case or a rare phenomenon. Therefore, they are being accepted by the society and dating single moms/dads is becoming absolutely common and normal.
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mikemo68: I wish all women would think like you....
Well, I look at it like this: Ones children are an extension of ones self, so if I liked a person who had young kids, I would want to do everything in my power to be kind & accepting of that child.
However, there are times when the child doesn't like the person their mom/dad has chosen, and that can really put a wedge into the relationship...or cause it to end.
Even though I am almost 52, if I met a man who had young kids, I would have no issues with that. I love people/kids :)
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bungallow55: What if the child around her doesn't want to love
anyone getting closer to his/her mom.
anyone getting closer to his/her mom.
Just be patient with that child and let her know that you'll be there for her and for her mum..
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JeanKimberley: Here's the thing -
When families merge together - it is tough, however, leave the discipline of her child to her, and if you had a child she would not interfere with your method for dealing with your child. You do not know the history or relationship that she has. The child was probably testing you to see how you would react and you did not do well at all.
When families merge together - it is tough, however, leave the discipline of her child to her, and if you had a child she would not interfere with your method for dealing with your child. You do not know the history or relationship that she has. The child was probably testing you to see how you would react and you did not do well at all.
Wrong, if the relationship is serious, and it moves towards living together. Man has to cooperate, union becomes a family. It also comes down to respect. You cannot build a relationship with a future, and exclude the man from parenting. It just does not work that way. Nor a man would like that, if a man takes a child as his own. He is helping to raise it, paying the bills, investing emotions and so on, and the woman says that his word means nothing. It also shows disrespect towards the man, and the child will also not respect that man. How can it, if the mother does not respect the partner she accepted into their lives.
Also, history is one thing, and future is another. If you want to live in the past, you can do that. Woman' can't expect a normal, stable man to be ok with that, because it also means, that he is not accepted by a woman as a whole, but only as somebody who brings money to the house.
I am talking from experiences. I dated women with kids, and I don't have no issues with kids. However, how can a man see himself with that woman in the future, in the same home, if she cuts him out from huge decisions, that concern parenting when the relationship is already so far, that two move into the same home.
As for failing the test. If anyone failed, it was her failing my test. She showed her face, by letting a child behave as a spawn of satan. There was no test from her side, it was her parenting, or lack of it. I was a stranger to that child, and an adult. The kid showed absolutely no respect for anything or anyone. I was taught, to respect adults, behave at the table, and tantrums were something unthinkable in any shape or form.
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pinay_survivor: Just be patient with that child and let her know that you'll be there for her and for her mum..
Too late, we're not anymore, this girl was too
much for me and her mom.
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jac_the_gripper
You utterly took my comment out of context. You didn't see the point what I was making. Or you simply decided not to see it. Where did I say, I called the mother names? I did not do that. The moment you wrote that, you told me where you are coming from.
I agree with you about parenting styles, and difficulties. I know very well. However, there is one thing where a mother is parenting, and another complete apathy, and accepting the tantrum, as a norm. If anyone is pretending to know everything, it is you.
I did not throw a tantrum at all. I simply said to the child, that it would be nice to sit normally, drink it's juice, and or to go and play on the play ground. Because adults are talking. Your new age kind of view spews only spoiled kids. I am not saying to be a tyrant, however, old fashioned values are grossly missing in parenting nowadays. Simply put. . . . When adults speak, child waits for them to finish, or asks if it can interrupt. As I said, basic respect, especially when talking to a stranger.
Not to mention, mother has to adjust as much as the new man. It is not about overpowering mother, it is about being accepted, and allowed by the mother, to give your own input. Honestly, many women are incapable to be mothers. ( Same goes for guys, they are incapable to be fathers ).
As I said, you drew completely wrong conclusions from my post, consciously or subconsciously. In any case, your philosophy tells me, that you are one of those who don't know where to draw a line, and is all with this new age way of thinking. It is a good thing, but there has to be a healthy dose of new age, and healthy dose of discipline and drawing a line.
You utterly took my comment out of context. You didn't see the point what I was making. Or you simply decided not to see it. Where did I say, I called the mother names? I did not do that. The moment you wrote that, you told me where you are coming from.
I agree with you about parenting styles, and difficulties. I know very well. However, there is one thing where a mother is parenting, and another complete apathy, and accepting the tantrum, as a norm. If anyone is pretending to know everything, it is you.
I did not throw a tantrum at all. I simply said to the child, that it would be nice to sit normally, drink it's juice, and or to go and play on the play ground. Because adults are talking. Your new age kind of view spews only spoiled kids. I am not saying to be a tyrant, however, old fashioned values are grossly missing in parenting nowadays. Simply put. . . . When adults speak, child waits for them to finish, or asks if it can interrupt. As I said, basic respect, especially when talking to a stranger.
Not to mention, mother has to adjust as much as the new man. It is not about overpowering mother, it is about being accepted, and allowed by the mother, to give your own input. Honestly, many women are incapable to be mothers. ( Same goes for guys, they are incapable to be fathers ).
As I said, you drew completely wrong conclusions from my post, consciously or subconsciously. In any case, your philosophy tells me, that you are one of those who don't know where to draw a line, and is all with this new age way of thinking. It is a good thing, but there has to be a healthy dose of new age, and healthy dose of discipline and drawing a line.
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bungallow55: What if the child around her doesn't want to love
anyone getting closer to his/her mom.
anyone getting closer to his/her mom.
It is called possessiveness, and jealousy. The child learned this kind of clinginess form the mother
( Again speaking from experiences ).
The mother is so clingy to the child, that there is no breathing room. At the same time, the child sees only itself and the mother, and nobody else. Because it feels, that whom ever new would come into the life, that the mother will be taken away so to speak.
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MALIQ273: curious to know
Yes it does cause problems
to the child
for god`s sake You`re the guy who s doing their mom ...
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Dedovix: Yes it does cause problems
to the child
for god`s sake You`re the guy who s doing their mom ...
to the child
for god`s sake You`re the guy who s doing their mom ...
very good point
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I feel it can be a problem for the child if the child feels as if the new person in their parents life is a threat to them .Or if that particular man or woman is trying to take the place of their father or mother.
I feel that if the child is acting in a negative matter to that new person then the parent should be the one who corrects that child.
If that parent did nothing to correct that negative behavior of said child then the new boyfriend/girlfriend should have a private conversation with the parents on how they didn't approve of the child's misbehavior.
I wouldn't think of correcting someone's child.
I feel that if the child is acting in a negative matter to that new person then the parent should be the one who corrects that child.
If that parent did nothing to correct that negative behavior of said child then the new boyfriend/girlfriend should have a private conversation with the parents on how they didn't approve of the child's misbehavior.
I wouldn't think of correcting someone's child.
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54xmax: You utterly took my comment out of context. You didn't see the point what I was making. Or you simply decided not to see it. Where did I say, I called the mother names? I did not do that. The moment you wrote that, you told me where you are coming from.
No, you didn't say you called her names, you did call her names:
54xmax: ...an immature female that I would not entrust a dog, let alone a child.
You were critical of her, rather than attempting to understand the dynamic. Ypou blamed her, rather than looking at why the situation was evoking a response in you. You were more concerned about your wants and needs than hers, or her child's. You wanted the child's place for yourself.
54xmax: I did not throw a tantrum at all. I simply said to the child, that it would be nice to sit normally, drink it's juice, and or to go and play on the play ground. Because adults are talking.
So, you were trying to exclude the child from the interaction from his/her mother when he/she was obviously trying to communicate something for his/herself? Is that a good way of dealing with a situation when you are the intruder in the mother/child dynamic?
54xmax: Your new age kind of view spews only spoiled kids. I am not saying to be a tyrant, however, old fashioned values are grossly missing in parenting nowadays. Simply put. . . . When adults speak, child waits for them to finish, or asks if it can interrupt. As I said, basic respect, especially when talking to a stranger.
Again, you were the intruder in the dynamic. You should be able to behave like the grown-up and not expect the child to be perfect at behaving like a grown up so you can assume the power position. You need to recognise the child's needs and feelings. You need to recognise the bond between mother and child otherwise you're going to be told to butt out. Which is exactly what happened.
54xmax: I was a stranger to that child, and an adult.
I'm really concerned about this comment you made to JeanKimberly. For the second time you claim to have been a stranger to the child and for the second time you expect to have a more powerful position in the dynamic with the child's mother than the child. This is so inappropriate.
54xmax: Not to mention, mother has to adjust as much as the new man. It is not about overpowering mother, it is about being accepted, and allowed by the mother, to give your own input. Honestly, many women are incapable to be mothers. ( Same goes for guys, they are incapable to be fathers ).
You seem to think you're more capable of parenting a child than their own parent. This will be a major problem for you in terms of becoming involved with women who have children. This will inhibit mothers from accepting you. It is your responsibility to behave acceptably so you will be accepted.
54xmax: As I said, you drew completely wrong conclusions from my post, consciously or subconsciously. In any case, your philosophy tells me, that you are one of those who don't know where to draw a line, and is all with this new age way of thinking. It is a good thing, but there has to be a healthy dose of new age, and healthy dose of discipline and drawing a line.
As a grandmother living with my daughter and granddaughter, I disagree with you about where to draw the line and how to draw the line. You appear to be using a sledgehammer to crack a nut, rather than managing a sensitive situation with sensitivity. You appear to be prioritising your needs over the child's needs.
I could say more detail about your response to JeanKimberly with respect to your attitude about power and money, but I think until you work through your own issues, it's best for you not to try and have relationships with women who have children. It's unlikely to work out well for you and it certainly doesn't look like it would work out well for the child(ren).
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Created: Jul 2014
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does dating a woman with a CHILD cause problems(Vote Below)