Vanity Fair and City III (54)

Ride on the donkey to look for a horse… Well, boys may be scared when they know that we are riding on the donkey to look for a horse.

I was talking to Dk Yang via the internet when Melanie first said this Chinese phrase “Ride on the donkey to look for a horse” to me, and I laughed out loudly and nearly choked. She said: “Take a so-so job that provides you a basic life, have a so-so boyfriend who accompanies you, and ride on the so-so donkey to look for a golden horse---If you find a horse that has more gold, then kick off the donkey.”

I repeated it to Dk Yang to scare him. Don’t know if I could scare him or not, but he asked: “Do you agree with it?”

Do I agree with it? I can’t say that I don’t agree with it. If I found a donkey and was with it just because I needed it to fill in the hole inside my heart or in my life, then I would absolutely look for a horse. But, if I had known that donkey for a long long time before I became degenerate or mercenary, if I had been attracted or conquered by that donkey’s unyielding spirit and strong will, then I would absolutely have no mood or intention to look for a horse. A donkey of that kind is already enough.

But I lied to Dk Yang when answering his question: “Of course, I agree.”

I don’t know why I lied to him. I know in his eyes I am not those girls, but I just want him to know that I am no longer that good girl before. Vain, greedy, degenerate, mercenary… I want to scare him. Or make him disappoint. Or make him sigh with emotion that times won’t let us off---no matter how good we were before, we will always become vain, greedy, degenerate, mercenary…when we grow up and be influenced by the outside world.