Dear Dad..
Remember when I insisted on getting my own pair of Levis denim jeans and black and white Adidas sneakers exactly like what you always wear? I was 6 years old. You went to a tailor and had your own Levis copied and took off a Levis tag from one of your own to put on my brand new ones. I was so happy walking around wearing exactly the same thing as you. I was your mini me and I was so proud.Remember when we used to sneak out of Mom's watchful eyes and go watch a scary movie in town? Then on the way home, we would buy a kilo of mangoes and merrily eat it all before we got home?.. I remember the first movie you took me to. It was Dracula starring Christopher Lee. You had to put me on your shoulders as the moviehouse was so full and they ran out of seats but I insisted on watching the movie so you had to stand up for the whole movie with me on your shoulders. I loved you so much for it.
When I was a teenager - remember we used to sit in the porch and cackle at every passerby, make up stories about them and gossip about our neighbours? How we loved passing the day like that.
Remember the rooster you gave me? So I could come with you and older brother to the cockfights pretending I was one of the guys? But never allowing my rooster to take part for fear I would howl my way home and face Mom's wrath? I loved you so much for it.
Remember when I spent a year in and out of hospital and was so upset for missing out so much on my first year at school? You told me I should be so lucky I have two houses. One (my home) by the beach and one with more than a 100 rooms in it (the hospital). I was so proud I took the hospital's picture to class for "show and tell". I was 5 years old.
When it was your turn to be in a hospital, why couldnt I come up with something like that Dad? Why couldnt I make you laugh or come up with something witty to ease your pain? Or anything.. to stop your eyes from dimming... to stop your mind from wandering off somewhere where I couldnt reach you with my wisecracks.
I am so sorry. I had nothing. I tried. I racked my brains for something. Anything. But your jester daughter couldnt come up with anything. And I hope you could forgive her.
I miss you Dad.
Comments (36)
Dreams are amazing forms of messages.He is well aware that you are missing him terriable.But it is not your time to join him yet.You have a lot of living to do yet.But he sure is with you in Spirit and no doubt Loves you very,very much.He Love you dearly.
I'm sure you did the best for your dad and truly believe he is watching you from above and saying 'he loves you'...
gimme you shoulder....
This is a beautiful lesson to all of us to appreciate what we have not only in our fathers but also in our mothers, our children our siblings, our friends.
We never know how much time we have left with them. Nothing can make up for the regrets of IF ONLY . . .
From what you have said, I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty about not saying anything to your Dad. . . your tears told him everything you wanted to say . . .
Thanks for sharing that with us
Congratulations
You succeeded in getting more than a one liner out of Parti
p.s. didnt know parti only does one liners. heheh.. i feel special now.
Honestly, speaking as a parent, I know when my kids are sharing something with me, even if they don't say a word.
Often they would just pop into my room for no apparent reason, say nothing specific and walk away. Just the fact that they did that tells me that they missed me.(even though I was right there)
Please don't imagine for a moment that your dad was not aware of what you wanted to say to him . . .
HE KNEW . ..
And possibly that is what the dream was about . . . it was him trying to tell you that this is HIS journey, you need to get out, and find your own path, with a reminder to you to rmember what the values he taught you . . . to look out for your mother.
Forgive yourself, and let him go . . .
I would bet the world that your Dad is immensely proud of you and probably showing you off to everyone he knows where ever his heaven is.