Just for laughs...(i hope)
My ex wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, Do you know her? 'Yes,' I sighed, she’s my old girlfriend.I understand she took to drinking right after we split up all those years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?
…………and then the fight started
I rear-ended a car the other morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well then, which one are you?'
…….and then the fight started
A mate of mine's wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to him, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
He replied, 'Well, your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
………and then the fight started
After retiring, a friend of mine went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. he looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'There's really no need, just unbutton your shirt'.
So so opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'
………..and then the fight started
Go on laugh, you know you want to.....
Comments (34)
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive... So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
Funny,
so i gave her a jar of sweet pickles.....
and then the fight started......
On my 5th wedding anniversary, my wife asked that i take her some place we had never been before,
I took her to the local tip.....
and then the fight started.....
how is the driving coming along?
run into any DWARFS yet.......
why thank you, i can imagine you saying something like that....
and then the fight starts......
I said Honey i do, i have a soft spot for your mum,
it's called the swamp....
and then the fight started....
some may now no longer be wondering why i am no longer married....
i gave my wife $100 for her birthday and said buy what ever you like with that.....
Oh heres $5 i added, buy yourself a birthday card whilst your at it.....
and then the fight started....
thennnnnnnn the fight started
Thats the spirit my girl.....
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' And that's when the fight started...
That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
I said, Alright, get your coat....
you guessed it
then the fight started......
I didnt want to interrupt her i said....
and then the fight started....
A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
and then thats when the fight started.....
Here is one from me:
A woman asked $1000 from her husband for plastic surgery. He took a good look at her and gave her $2000.
And that's how the fight started...
You forgot to say....
and then the fight started.....
very funny, i like it....
I was going to call this blog "funny fights" but then mmmm nah best i not...
Glad you had a laugh.
I will make it up:
A man got home very late at night, heavily drunk. His wife opened the door saying: "Finally!". He answered: "I just came to pick the guitar".
And then the fight started!
thats the way to go.
Very good.
laughter really is good for the soul....
A middle-aged man was getting home after a business trip abroad. He was holding so many packs, presents for his young and beautiful wife that he couldn t press the door bell button. The next door gossiper gave him an advice:
- Try with the horns, neighbor, with the horns!
And then the fight started!
Wife: Honey, do you love me?
Husband: Of course I do.
Wife: What do you think of me?
Husband: I think you are A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K.
Wife: What are they?
Husband: You're an Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot.
Wife: That's so sweet. What about I, J, K?
Husband: I'm Just Kidding.
and that's when the fight started
There's another one I found - gotta love the internet :)
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started.....
thanks for dropping by,
Lachi
good one and nice to see you again,
And it was good that you both remembered the
"and then the fight started" punchline....
Shay
You look great today.
I'm glad that you all had a laugh, please feel free to add t the list during the day/night.
Wife turns to husband and asked that age old question,
Darling des my bum look big in this dress?
Husband replied, of course not sweetest,
Ah you are so kind she said before the husband could finish,
it looks bloody HUGE he went on to say....
and thats when the fight started.....
Hey beautiful young niece of mine.
Glad you dropped by and had a good laugh.....
you be good ok.