lol

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido,
has cheated him out of $10,000,000.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he
would never have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money
is!"
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the
money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking
about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know
what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head
and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell
him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a
brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin
Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to
pull the trigger!

---

A couple was going out for the evening. They had gotten ready, put the dog outside, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out, the dog runs back in the house.
They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver,
"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", he says.
"Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!
Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her a** downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!
She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!