Please help guys, not sure what to think... Story involved here... (174)
and yes i have been in that kind of situation where i've just snapped but never towards a women.
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Constantine67: and yes i have been in that kind of situation where i've just snapped but never towards a women.
its hard isnt it! you have that split second thought of "i shouldnt" and then before you realise your hand has moved faster than your brain. its never happened to me before, im usually pretty ok with talking throught things. but something was different, and it scared me a bit, hence the post :)
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jlw45: wiether she slapped him or not ,should be irrelavent....in her post, it's obvious she feels bad for the slap...but, i have to ask why?....she's 19 yrs old and was dating a 35 yr old man that was trying to twist her mind...and he ,obviously, succeeded....what's in question here ,should'nt be the issue of a slap....it's the obvious issue of someone trying to gain control over her....and the manipulation envolved....
Okay Joel.
I will respond to you in the best way I can. Without sounding like a headmistress as I have been described.
Why do you have to ask why? She slapped him. Did he deserve it?
Had he slapped her, would she have deserved it?
What does age matter in this? An older man is trying to manage a younger woman?
Does that make it worse, because of his age?
Galway is 19, he is 35, why would a man, of 35 want to control a 19 year old?
We are giving this man labels when we know little about him.
Galway has posted this, not him.
So we need to advise her, on what she should do, not spend time calling him an abuser and a control freak. She posted asking for help.
She asked if it we had been pushed to react in a way where we lost control, yet all came in and told her he was an abuser.
Aside from Zell.
ANd my argument is with the responses, who called him an abuser.
Not with what she has gone through.
Now, I have said it many times, I will not say it again.
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GalwayGirl89: its hard isnt it! you have that split second thought of "i shouldnt" and then before you realise your hand has moved faster than your brain. its never happened to me before, im usually pretty ok with talking throught things. but something was different, and it scared me a bit, hence the post :)
i'm gonna' go out on a limb, here...and say, it was'nt the slap that scared you...it was the realization that you had waisted 3 yrs of your life with that loser
...if that is the case, and i hope for you it is, don't look at it as a waist...mark it up to experience...your very young and very pretty...you'll find the right guy...just give yourself some time...
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jlw45: i'm gonna' go out on a limb, here...and say, it was'nt the slap that scared you...it was the realization that you had waisted 3 yrs of your life with that loser ...if that is the case, and i hope for you it is, don't look at it as a waist...mark it up to experience...your very young and very pretty...you'll find the right guy...just give yourself some time...
Now we are talking...
I think you are right.
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In response to: in answer to your earlier question, i loved him. his age never crossed my mind, thats really all i can say to that im affraid. some situations you look at with your head, others, your heart completely over rides it.
We all have been there,where the 'Heart' rules the 'Head'....and I know what 'love' can do......Again I truly wish you the best young Lady....and thank you for sharing your 'Heart' and your 'Feelings'......You will one day find your Soul mate,and he will be a very lucky Man too.....
J.D
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We are only hearing one side to this story so I will not judge him. Slapping or hitting someone does not justify for anything though unless defending one's self while being physically attacked.
As some have said, if the shoe were on the other foot there would have been a lynch mob out in this thread with a rope and some, mostly women, even supplying the tree had it been the man doing the slapping.
As some have said, if the shoe were on the other foot there would have been a lynch mob out in this thread with a rope and some, mostly women, even supplying the tree had it been the man doing the slapping.
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Sommerauer71: Okay Joel.
I will respond to you in the best way I can. Without sounding like a headmistress as I have been described.
Why do you have to ask why? She slapped him. Did he deserve it?
Had he slapped her, would she have deserved it?
What does age matter in this? An older man is trying to manage a younger woman?
Does that make it worse, because of his age?
Galway is 19, he is 35, why would a man, of 35 want to control a 19 year old?
We are giving this man labels when we know little about him.
Galway has posted this, not him.
So we need to advise her, on what she should do, not spend time calling him an abuser and a control freak. She posted asking for help.
She asked if it we had been pushed to react in a way where we lost control, yet all came in and told her he was an abuser.
Aside from Zell.
ANd my argument is with the responses, who called him an abuser.
Not with what she has gone through.
Now, I have said it many times, I will not say it again.
that did'nt sound too much like a headmistresI will respond to you in the best way I can. Without sounding like a headmistress as I have been described.
Why do you have to ask why? She slapped him. Did he deserve it?
Had he slapped her, would she have deserved it?
What does age matter in this? An older man is trying to manage a younger woman?
Does that make it worse, because of his age?
Galway is 19, he is 35, why would a man, of 35 want to control a 19 year old?
We are giving this man labels when we know little about him.
Galway has posted this, not him.
So we need to advise her, on what she should do, not spend time calling him an abuser and a control freak. She posted asking for help.
She asked if it we had been pushed to react in a way where we lost control, yet all came in and told her he was an abuser.
Aside from Zell.
ANd my argument is with the responses, who called him an abuser.
Not with what she has gone through.
Now, I have said it many times, I will not say it again.
it's not a matter of wiether or not he deserved it or not...and yes, i geuss, the matter of him being 16 yrs older than her could be consedered "splitting hairs" but, i think it is relavent...in that, it falls into the whole control thing...along with him telling her to pick up his laundry and she does'nt iron good enough and can't do anything right....but i could be seeing this, as if it were my own daughter...and if it were, he'de be thankful he just got a slap
...but with that said, yes..maybe i am reading too much into it... and i don't mean to sound as if i condone physical actions, i don't...it's just that women are told they are supposed to be ladys, while people seem to forget that men are supposed to be gentlemen...and if he was the way he has been portrayed here...he is not that ,by any stretch of the imagination...he is a cad, if the OP is correct....and , if the OP is correct, she has been manipulated in as much, as she still thinks she is sub-par for her actions...when we were 19 {not all of us but, most}, if we were pushed to that limit we could fly off the handle without thinking of the cosequinces....now the OP is regretful for her actions {or so it seems}...but i would worry that she is thinking of the action of slapping someone, when she should be worried about falling for a cad again....or possibly the same cad...------ This thread is Locked ------
jlw45: that did'nt sound too much like a headmistres
it's not a matter of wiether or not he deserved it or not...and yes, i geuss, the matter of him being 16 yrs older than her could be consedered "splitting hairs" but, i think it is relavent...in that, it falls into the whole control thing...along with him telling her to pick up his laundry and she does'nt iron good enough and can't do anything right....but i could be seeing this, as if it were my own daughter...and if it were, he'de be thankful he just got a slap ...but with that said, yes..maybe i am reading too much into it... and i don't mean to sound as if i condone physical actions, i don't...it's just that women are told they are supposed to be ladys, while people seem to forget that men are supposed to be gentlemen...and if he was the way he has been portrayed here...he is not that ,by any stretch of the imagination...he is a cad, if the OP is correct....and , if the OP is correct, she has been manipulated in as much, as she still thinks she is sub-par for her actions...when we were 19 {not all of us but, most}, if we were pushed to that limit we could fly off the handle without thinking of the cosequinces....now the OP is regretful for her actions {or so it seems}...but i would worry that she is thinking of the action of slapping someone, when she should be worried about falling for a cad again....or possibly the same cad...
it's not a matter of wiether or not he deserved it or not...and yes, i geuss, the matter of him being 16 yrs older than her could be consedered "splitting hairs" but, i think it is relavent...in that, it falls into the whole control thing...along with him telling her to pick up his laundry and she does'nt iron good enough and can't do anything right....but i could be seeing this, as if it were my own daughter...and if it were, he'de be thankful he just got a slap ...but with that said, yes..maybe i am reading too much into it... and i don't mean to sound as if i condone physical actions, i don't...it's just that women are told they are supposed to be ladys, while people seem to forget that men are supposed to be gentlemen...and if he was the way he has been portrayed here...he is not that ,by any stretch of the imagination...he is a cad, if the OP is correct....and , if the OP is correct, she has been manipulated in as much, as she still thinks she is sub-par for her actions...when we were 19 {not all of us but, most}, if we were pushed to that limit we could fly off the handle without thinking of the cosequinces....now the OP is regretful for her actions {or so it seems}...but i would worry that she is thinking of the action of slapping someone, when she should be worried about falling for a cad again....or possibly the same cad...
See, I want to argue my point here. Again.
But I cannot, I sense in what you are writing, Joel, whilst I could pull it apart, not because your response is poor, because it is not, but to argue where I am coming from, without prejudice.
I am not judging Galway, I am in postition to, it has been the labelling of a man, that we have no ability to label him as, not to mention evidence.
If this were a court of law, then it would be thrown out.
It is not, which I am pleased about, otherwise I would be banged up for contempt many times, as you well know.
I cannot label a person who I do not know...
Or have notning to base my opinion on.
This is my problem, there is no way I can give an opinion on him, only to advise Galway...
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Sommerauer71: See, I want to argue my point here. Again.
But I cannot, I sense in what you are writing, Joel, whilst I could pull it apart, not because your response is poor, because it is not, but to argue where I am coming from, without prejudice.
I am not judging Galway, I am in postition to, it has been the labelling of a man, that we have no ability to label him as, not to mention evidence.
If this were a court of law, then it would be thrown out.
It is not, which I am pleased about, otherwise I would be banged up for contempt many times, as you well know.
I cannot label a person who I do not know...
Or have notning to base my opinion on.
This is my problem, there is no way I can give an opinion on him, only to advise Galway...
yep, your right....we should'nt and can't ,without the rest of the story...but, i have none of someone who fits the description of the guy in the OP...that's why it sounds feasible...that's what they do to gain control...but your right...i geuss if a person strikes the right chord, everybody wants to sing...But I cannot, I sense in what you are writing, Joel, whilst I could pull it apart, not because your response is poor, because it is not, but to argue where I am coming from, without prejudice.
I am not judging Galway, I am in postition to, it has been the labelling of a man, that we have no ability to label him as, not to mention evidence.
If this were a court of law, then it would be thrown out.
It is not, which I am pleased about, otherwise I would be banged up for contempt many times, as you well know.
I cannot label a person who I do not know...
Or have notning to base my opinion on.
This is my problem, there is no way I can give an opinion on him, only to advise Galway...
and as for you being banged up for contempt....well, lets just say, i'de have to plead insanity...
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jlw45: yep, your right....we should'nt and can't ,without the rest of the story...but, i have none of someone who fits the description of the guy in the OP...that's why it sounds feasible...that's what they do to gain control...but your right...i geuss if a person strikes the right chord, everybody wants to sing...
and as for you being banged up for contempt....well, lets just say, i'de have to plead insanity...
BUT!!...i still think she should stay away from that loser....and as for you being banged up for contempt....well, lets just say, i'de have to plead insanity...
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Sommerauer71: Alot more what? Slapping?
A kick in the balls?
Everybody is so supportive of this lady slapping him.
But if he had slapped her?
What would we be saying? Aside from that he is already a controller and an abuser!
He would become a physically abusive person.
Not everybodyA kick in the balls?
Everybody is so supportive of this lady slapping him.
But if he had slapped her?
What would we be saying? Aside from that he is already a controller and an abuser!
He would become a physically abusive person.
has agreed with Op slapping him, but have understood how she did.
It happened she feels guilty about it, but beating herself up
over it won't change it, and i agree with you she needs to move
on and rebuild her life. The fact she was able to post this
thread is a good thing, because when you have been in an abusive
relationship one of the hardest things is being able to talk
about it openly, it's part of the healing process.
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You're right petal,GG said in the op she didn't look for condoning her action she asked if anybody had similar experiences.We all make mistakes in the heat of the moment sometimes.I don't think GG thinks it's right what she has done but anybody can understand her action.Thats the point I think.The way GG comes truthfully with this predicament(spelled correct?)speaks for her character cause she is trying to avoid another incident like this.
peace out.
peace out.
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rodolpho: You're right petal,GG said in the op she didn't look for condoning her action she asked if anybody had similar experiences.We all make mistakes in the heat of the moment sometimes.I don't think GG thinks it's right what she has done but anybody can understand her action.Thats the point I think.The way GG comes truthfully with this predicament(spelled correct?)speaks for her character cause she is trying to avoid another incident like this.
peace out.
peace out.
Im not talking about just that one particular incident that GG was involved in, rodolpho..
My point is that I was worried that the point was being missed that violence, in any form, is wrong, and that men can be easily judged harshly in general.
Im trying to be Devil's Advocate, thats all!!
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petalbabe: Im not talking about just that one particular incident that GG was involved in, rodolpho..
My point is that I was worried that the point was being missed that violence, in any form, is wrong, and that men can be easily judged harshly in general.
Im trying to be Devil's Advocate, thats all!!
My point is that I was worried that the point was being missed that violence, in any form, is wrong, and that men can be easily judged harshly in general.
Im trying to be Devil's Advocate, thats all!!
I know
and I love to see you as the devils advocate
makes my heart beat just a little faster 
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rodolpho: I know and I love to see you as the devils advocate
makes my heart beat just a little faster
makes my heart beat just a little faster
You are SUCH a tart!!!
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GalwayGirl89: a problem shared is subsequently a problem that can be used against you. i'll learn to keep my mouth shut.
You're both right.
We have a right to hold and express opinions and to vent about them when necessary.
But there are times when it's best to restrain ourselves, not out of fear and intimidation, but out of faith, realizing that
real closure and recovery can't occur until we decide to move on.
virgiomonkey: No....don't ever do that...you have right to express your opinions....'Freedom of Thought' and 'Freedom of rights'.....
You're both right.
We have a right to hold and express opinions and to vent about them when necessary.
But there are times when it's best to restrain ourselves, not out of fear and intimidation, but out of faith, realizing that
real closure and recovery can't occur until we decide to move on.
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Sommerauer71:
It is the accusations that this man is abusive that I am against, not condoning his behaviour, or belittling this young ladies pain at all.
It is the accusations that this man is abusive that I am against, not condoning his behaviour, or belittling this young ladies pain at all.
I agree in principal. We have no way of knowing the whole truth of the matter. And I would be opposed to sending the guy to the guillotine without giving him his day in court.
But we're really not in any position to demand his testimony.
Nor to sentence him to any sort of punishment.
We don't even know his name.
All we have is GG's story, and in the absence of the other side we can only base our opinion on that.
And with the "reserve" that GG's portrayal of the situation is accurate, I think the guy deserved what he got and then some.
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livinglarge: ---
I think some coments here on this thread are very wrong.
I dont think galway asked if you think she was right or wrong , she just wanted to know if people have the same experiance as her and advice of what to do as she is beating herself over what happened with the slapping.
I think the young girl has been through the mill at such a young age. What we have to remember here is this is a 35 year old man having a relationship with a teenager. That in its own right dont seem right to me.
people saying they dont know the two sides of the story and use there words . It has looked like your making out that this guy might not be as bad as he seems .
The op dont need to hear this because she will be thinking maybe it is her fault and he isnt the bad person and let him carry on what he is doing to her, controling her telling her what and where she can go. Also now he knows she has fought back , that means he needs more power over her, so if she reads the comments of [we dont know this guy we cant judge] might make her fall into this where he needs more power over her and get more violent.
So i would say again to the op, dont listen to some here.
you dont owe him a thing , dont have any conection with him. When he trys talking to you ignore, even if he begs.
Your 19 years old you dont need this crap, you should be out enjoying yourself.
In the end when he knows his controling and power over you has disappeared he will move away.
Make sure too that you go to every pub bar where ever you want to go , you go.
DONT LET THIS MAN RULE YOUR LIFE
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i'll learn to keep my mouth shut.
Why do you think it is being used against you?
It is not. It has proved to be a good discussion.
You have to ask yourself, why you came here for advice, did you want feedback or to feel better? Feedback that will just be in answer to what you have been through?
I am not, and I repeat, am not in any way, minimising your pain and what you have been through.. This is the third time I have stated this.
I am, however, and again, I will stress it, picking up on that it is okay, for a woman to slap a man, (and I am not disputing that you were unjustified in your actions) yet had the man slapped you, it would have been a mutiny.
It is the responses Galway, that I am debating, not your post.
Please read my words.
Not your post. The responses.