Please help guys, not sure what to think... Story involved here... (174)
GalwayGirl89: incredibly true, can you imagine if a man had hit a woman. its so strange our perceptions of whats ok and whats not.
You'll be grand, GG. You deserve better than this character..
Find yourself a nice CS guy!!
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GalwayGirl89: you see, i think its just that his hurt towards me was emotional and mentally hurtful. but to turn it physical is wrong of me perhaps? but he really had given me three years of mental warfare.
its just a slap in his face.Better think of the signs he maybe showed before.You say 3 years mental warfare.Next time dont accept any mental warfare,an argument ok but...
u know?
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"im not looking for anyone to condone what i did, but i wandered if anyone else has ever felt so emotionally screwed over by someone that it comes out in a way you never expected??"
On the opposite gender side, yes, I feel exactly as you do, but worse. We have a 3 year old now, she's beautiful and I love her dearly, but the mother now feels like a ball and chain, that's getting bigger and heavier, that I can't wait to get rid of.
I spent over one year chatting and talking on the phone asking very specific questions and doing research. I even made a trip half way around the world to see for my self.
Still, once she arrived, from the very beginning, appeared to be someone completely different(180 degrees). I was in love with a person that did not exist and waited for that person to surface and never did. As you can see, I waited too long, that's my mistake. It was more complex than that.
Your ex BF sounds allot like her. When I asked her for a divorce, she replied, "I know, I ruined the marriage by being jealous of everyone around you, wanting you all to myself and being selfish." In other words,it was some type of obsession and not really love. When you ask someone who loves you for a divorce, they are devastated, not this babe, she glows and shines.
That's OK, the mistake is half mine, I will bear it for a little while longer and accept responsibility. I am strong and resilient. When she finally stops taking advantage of me and leaves me be, and the divorce is final, I'll be a much smarter person the next time around. I don't spend much time crying over spilled milk..it's a waist of time.
Get rid of this guy, stop being his emotional door mat!
Men, a few words of wisdom. Stay away from the ministers daughter, she's the devils daughter in disguise.
On the opposite gender side, yes, I feel exactly as you do, but worse. We have a 3 year old now, she's beautiful and I love her dearly, but the mother now feels like a ball and chain, that's getting bigger and heavier, that I can't wait to get rid of.
I spent over one year chatting and talking on the phone asking very specific questions and doing research. I even made a trip half way around the world to see for my self.
Still, once she arrived, from the very beginning, appeared to be someone completely different(180 degrees). I was in love with a person that did not exist and waited for that person to surface and never did. As you can see, I waited too long, that's my mistake. It was more complex than that.
Your ex BF sounds allot like her. When I asked her for a divorce, she replied, "I know, I ruined the marriage by being jealous of everyone around you, wanting you all to myself and being selfish." In other words,it was some type of obsession and not really love. When you ask someone who loves you for a divorce, they are devastated, not this babe, she glows and shines.
That's OK, the mistake is half mine, I will bear it for a little while longer and accept responsibility. I am strong and resilient. When she finally stops taking advantage of me and leaves me be, and the divorce is final, I'll be a much smarter person the next time around. I don't spend much time crying over spilled milk..it's a waist of time.
Get rid of this guy, stop being his emotional door mat!
Men, a few words of wisdom. Stay away from the ministers daughter, she's the devils daughter in disguise.
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GalwayGirl89: you see, i think its just that his hurt towards me was emotional and mentally hurtful. but to turn it physical is wrong of me perhaps? but he really had given me three years of mental warfare.
Which is why, from all that you wrote, I think the slap was totally justified and long overdue...and understandable. Might even wake him up...but at least it should make him think twice before doing or saying anything more like that to you.
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Big_John: You are attempting to justify violence. I can not accept your position that violence is okay under certain conditions.
how rough has he been with her?
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GalwayGirl89: .....
im not looking for anyone to condone what i did, but i wandered if anyone else has ever felt so emotionally screwed over by someone that it comes out in a way you never expected??
.....
im not looking for anyone to condone what i did, but i wandered if anyone else has ever felt so emotionally screwed over by someone that it comes out in a way you never expected??
.....
Not trying to condone your action but will say this...
I hope it left a HUGE red mark on the jerks face...
As for myself having ever "reacted" instead of thinking and acting upon reason... yes I have... I didn't hit the person in question, lucky for us both, but MAN did I want to, instead I shoved my fist completely through a wall and into the next room, and it was right next to the persons head.
(HOLE)-----3 inches maybe------(HEAD)
They were kind of frozen until I very 'clearly' growled, "Get the F*** out of my sight!" they did not hesitate to run. I was 17 at that time and that memory still haunts me because I was ready to kill in just that fraction of a second, but very luckily I avoided it, but it remains a powerful reminder to always be ready for unexpected emotional reactions, and with luck and caution I have not 'reacted' in such a manner since.
me
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rubendario: "im not looking for anyone to condone what i did, but i wandered if anyone else has ever felt so emotionally screwed over by someone that it comes out in a way you never expected??"
On the opposite gender side, yes, I feel exactly as you do, but worse. We have a 3 year old now, she's beautiful and I love her dearly, but the mother now feels like a ball and chain, that's getting bigger and heavier, that I can't wait to get rid of.
I spent over one year chatting and talking on the phone asking very specific questions and doing research. I even made a trip half way around the world to see for my self.
Still, once she arrived, from the very beginning, appeared to be someone completely different(180 degrees). I was in love with a person that did not exist and waited for that person to surface and never did. As you can see, I waited too long, that's my mistake. It was more complex than that.
Your ex BF sounds allot like her. When I asked her for a divorce, she replied, "I know, I ruined the marriage by being jealous of everyone around you, wanting you all to myself and being selfish." In other words,it was some type of obsession and not really love. When you ask someone who loves you for a divorce, they are devastated, not this babe, she glows and shines.
That's OK, the mistake is half mine, I will bear it for a little while longer and accept responsibility. I am strong and resilient. When she finally stops taking advantage of me and leaves me be, and the divorce is final, I'll be a much smarter person the next time around. I don't spend much time crying over spilled milk..it's a waist of time.
Get rid of this guy, stop being his emotional door mat!
Men, a few words of wisdom. Stay away from the ministers daughter, she's the devils daughter in disguise.
On the opposite gender side, yes, I feel exactly as you do, but worse. We have a 3 year old now, she's beautiful and I love her dearly, but the mother now feels like a ball and chain, that's getting bigger and heavier, that I can't wait to get rid of.
I spent over one year chatting and talking on the phone asking very specific questions and doing research. I even made a trip half way around the world to see for my self.
Still, once she arrived, from the very beginning, appeared to be someone completely different(180 degrees). I was in love with a person that did not exist and waited for that person to surface and never did. As you can see, I waited too long, that's my mistake. It was more complex than that.
Your ex BF sounds allot like her. When I asked her for a divorce, she replied, "I know, I ruined the marriage by being jealous of everyone around you, wanting you all to myself and being selfish." In other words,it was some type of obsession and not really love. When you ask someone who loves you for a divorce, they are devastated, not this babe, she glows and shines.
That's OK, the mistake is half mine, I will bear it for a little while longer and accept responsibility. I am strong and resilient. When she finally stops taking advantage of me and leaves me be, and the divorce is final, I'll be a much smarter person the next time around. I don't spend much time crying over spilled milk..it's a waist of time.
Get rid of this guy, stop being his emotional door mat!
Men, a few words of wisdom. Stay away from the ministers daughter, she's the devils daughter in disguise.
wow you really seem to have had it rough too. isnt it amazing how the person you fell in love with turns out to be non existant. and you make a good point, sometimes we wait in the hope they'll resurface. its a shame we waste good time.
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GalwayGirl89: you see, i think its just that his hurt towards me was emotional and mentally hurtful. but to turn it physical is wrong of me perhaps? but he really had given me three years of mental warfare.
having been in an abusive relationship and been left at a hospital in similiar circumastances, i can understand where your coming from.I agree violence is wrong, BUT we are all human, it happened you slapped him and it sounds know as if you are beating yourself up over it, so in a way he is still winning. STOP beating yourself up over what you did and move on. Tamarins advice is good get help and rebuild you life
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Shedman01: Not trying to condone your action but will say this... I hope it left a HUGE red mark on the jerks face...
As for myself having ever "reacted" instead of thinking and acting upon reason... yes I have... I didn't hit the person in question, lucky for us both, but MAN did I want to, instead I shoved my fist completely through a wall and into the next room, and it was right next to the persons head.
(HOLE)-----3 inches maybe------(HEAD)
They were kind of frozen until I very 'clearly' growled, "Get the F*** out of my sight!" they did not hesitate to run. I was 17 at that time and that memory still haunts me because I was ready to kill in just that fraction of a second, but very luckily I avoided it, but it remains a powerful reminder to always be ready for unexpected emotional reactions, and with luck and caution I have not 'reacted' in such a manner since.me
As for myself having ever "reacted" instead of thinking and acting upon reason... yes I have... I didn't hit the person in question, lucky for us both, but MAN did I want to, instead I shoved my fist completely through a wall and into the next room, and it was right next to the persons head.
(HOLE)-----3 inches maybe------(HEAD)
They were kind of frozen until I very 'clearly' growled, "Get the F*** out of my sight!" they did not hesitate to run. I was 17 at that time and that memory still haunts me because I was ready to kill in just that fraction of a second, but very luckily I avoided it, but it remains a powerful reminder to always be ready for unexpected emotional reactions, and with luck and caution I have not 'reacted' in such a manner since.me
im hoping this will be my only time too! i think i'll be better prepared next time someone who is only out for themselves comes along, once you've seen one, you can spot the rest a mile off!
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druidess6308: Which is why, from all that you wrote, I think the slap was totally justified and long overdue...and understandable. Might even wake him up...but at least it should make him think twice before doing or saying anything more like that to you.
I have not walked in this girl's shoes so can not say what my re actions would be...
What I would like to point out is this guy is an abuser and controller and if he had hit back then what????
A man is physically stronger in most cases than a woman...
I was kicked, slapped, punched, burnt, scalded, had the hair torn out my head and abused in other manners but never once lashed out because these men are so angry they are capable of really hurting or even killing...
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Oh, and i hit my ex over the head with a broom handle!! far worse than a slap.
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Jesus apologies, lots of typos there!
Getting distracted by the news!
Getting distracted by the news!
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I was writing half a novel as a reply here, but really I had only one things to say:
What a jerk !
Sorry, do get friends around you and make sure you are still proud of your healthy mind, you did naught wrong
What a jerk !
Sorry, do get friends around you and make sure you are still proud of your healthy mind, you did naught wrong
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In response to: ok last night, i went out for st pat's with my very close friends. a lovely night, until i received a phone call from an ex. he's 35, and i'd lived with him for around a year before we split, known him around 3 years altogether. we'd had our problems while we were living together which caused us to break up. i tried to the best of my ability to be a good cook and clean and wash / iron for him. but i was never very good and this annoyed him. another one of these was the fact i had miscarried at 15 weeks. the morning i realised i was losing the baby, i begged him to come to the hospital with me, and he said work was more important. and he left me to go alone. Anyway, last night he called me, and asked if i would be in a certain pub that he goes to. now my friends had already told me that they wanted to go to this particular bar, so i said yes, we'd be there. he caused a bit of a fuss, said he didnt want me "ruining" his night with my presence. so i tried to convince them not to go. but they had their hearts set as its one of the best pubs around. when we arrived i just waited around outside, i didnt want to see this man. since we split he'd been trying to be in my life, contacting me now and again, using me and being very physically rough in the process. but i still felt an obligation to him, as he had moved here from northern ireland to be with me, so when he asked for something, no matter how i felt i'd try and please him. cooking, cleaning, washing, fetching his dry cleaning. little errands too. Anyway, after a while he came out, and started giving out about me. about who i am, that im a terrible person, i can never do anything he asks properly etc. and i explained that my animosity towards him stemmed from the time he refused to be with me when i was at hospital miscarrying. And that after all this time he still wont really let me move on, and that he's never grateful when i try to do things he asks.
this was his reaction:
"abi, you cant do anything right, your useless. people have made messy situations for me, and i have to deal with them alone... you were the pregnant one, not me, you sure as hell should have dealt alone, it wasnt my problem"
Now, my reaction: i slapped him.
And i feel dreadful. i mean, lower than low. ive never even dreamed of a physical reaction to words, but at the time i was shocked and very upset. it felt like i had tried my best and i was still a useless person in his eyes.
im not looking for anyone to condone what i did, but i wandered if anyone else has ever felt so emotionally screwed over by someone that it comes out in a way you never expected??
help please!
abi
x
this was his reaction:
"abi, you cant do anything right, your useless. people have made messy situations for me, and i have to deal with them alone... you were the pregnant one, not me, you sure as hell should have dealt alone, it wasnt my problem"
Now, my reaction: i slapped him.
And i feel dreadful. i mean, lower than low. ive never even dreamed of a physical reaction to words, but at the time i was shocked and very upset. it felt like i had tried my best and i was still a useless person in his eyes.
im not looking for anyone to condone what i did, but i wandered if anyone else has ever felt so emotionally screwed over by someone that it comes out in a way you never expected??
help please!
abi
x
Hi Abi,
He is a mysognist plain and simple......read the book "Men who hate women and the women who love them"
He is a control and minipulating freak.....
I think you should have changed your mobile number ages ago if you really wanted to move on from him...
You owe him nothing.....
Stay well away.....move away if you have to....it may be better to change your social habits and do not frequent places that you know he will be in.
Just a little few wise words from the wise old lady in Dublin....
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its reassuring to know your all so level headed on this forum! i didnt really know what reaction to expect. but it looks like everyone has their breaking points and react in different ways. i think the lesson here is maybe not how we react, but letting ourselves be put in positions where our reactions become questionable.
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stefonline: Hi Abi,
He is a mysognist plain and simple......read the book "Men who hate women and the women who love them"
He is a control and minipulating freak.....
I think you should have changed your mobile number ages ago if you really wanted to move on from him...
You owe him nothing.....Stay well away.....move away if you have to....it may be better to change your social habits and do not frequent places that you know he will be in.
Just a little few wise words from the wise old lady in Dublin....
He is a mysognist plain and simple......read the book "Men who hate women and the women who love them"
He is a control and minipulating freak.....
I think you should have changed your mobile number ages ago if you really wanted to move on from him...
You owe him nothing.....Stay well away.....move away if you have to....it may be better to change your social habits and do not frequent places that you know he will be in.
Just a little few wise words from the wise old lady in Dublin....
Read the book! Very good!
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GalwayGirl89: im hoping this will be my only time too! i think i'll be better prepared next time someone who is only out for themselves comes along, once you've seen one, you can spot the rest a mile off!
Well even if it comes from someone you never tried to spot... that reaction begins in the brain and the second it does that memory comes in too.. that is what has helped me with the feelings that have come... Someone does something severe and the anger starts and right along with it comes that memory...anger fades and reason takes command...
so even though it leaves you feeling badly right now, make sure to never forget it and it will serve you very well in the years ahead I am sure. One more just little note... Please do not keep laying yourself in front of a bulldozer... Let that slap be your closure and take the experience as a historical marker not a mid-point...k? Please? ...
me
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Anyone else nearly in tears over this thread ?
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Going from what you have said, the guy in question behaved badly, and somewhat illadvisedly. However, that doesnt necesarily mean that the slap was justified.
Physical violence, whether from a man towards a woman or visa versa, is never the right way to go, and although we can all lose our temper sometimes, and feel like beating the crap out of someone, physically assualting someone is NEVER justified. Violence breeds violence.
If a man had put this story up, and had stated that he had slapped a woman, there would be an outcry on here, I have no doubt.
I wish you the best of luck, GG; just dust yourself off, and move on and dont waste any more time pondering over this guy. Whats done is done.
JMO
incredibly true, can you imagine if a man had hit a woman. its so strange our perceptions of whats ok and whats not.