Ladies: Would you date a "separated" man or would you wait until the divorce is finalised? (215)
morgan5: NO i think everyones circumstances are different, my ex moved abroad and divorce papers could not be served for 4 yrs . was i s'posed to be a nun ????
Yes............... for some it is a calling - and you'd look quite cute in a habit!
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vonney: Each time this subject comes up there are, as to be expected, a range of opinions.
I have posted previously that in Ireland you have to be seperated 5 years before you can apply for a divorce and others have posted that Divorce is still not available in their Country.
So I would like to ask those who say that seperated is still married and no way would they date someone who wasnt divorced what they feel they would do if they were in either of these situations.
would you wait 5 years and get your divorce before dating?
would you not date at all if you couldnt get a divorce, and spend the rest of your life single?
I have posted previously that in Ireland you have to be seperated 5 years before you can apply for a divorce and others have posted that Divorce is still not available in their Country.
So I would like to ask those who say that seperated is still married and no way would they date someone who wasnt divorced what they feel they would do if they were in either of these situations.
would you wait 5 years and get your divorce before dating?
would you not date at all if you couldnt get a divorce, and spend the rest of your life single?
All I can do is answer from my experience and what I have learned over the years (mainly about myself). I think some of what I've learned comes with being a little older, and being educated in the school of hard knocks.
In 2005 I filed for divorce after 18 years of marriage. It took two years for the divorce to be final. Dating during this time was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to figure myself out, get clear about what I wanted, get the lessons from that relationship (especially what was my part in it so I don't repeat the mistakes).
Once the divorce was final, I still waited to date, because I wanted to give 100% to a new relationship (IF that happens), plus my son was 14 and I took that into consideration as well.
I started dating in 2008, and was definitely ready. I've got to say, I have actually been enjoying dating because I know myself a heck of a lot better than I ever have before.
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vonney: Sorry if posting the insane rules about divorce here is annoying to people, I just felt that perhaps people should know that things are not the same in every Country.
Until approx 12 years ago divorce was not availble at all here so second realtionships without either party being divorced is not uncommon.
As I have said previously I prefer that a person has to wait this length of time rather than divorce after the first row.
Until approx 12 years ago divorce was not availble at all here so second realtionships without either party being divorced is not uncommon.
As I have said previously I prefer that a person has to wait this length of time rather than divorce after the first row.
I don't think anybody was annoyed by you posting it Vonney.
On the contrary - it's quite interesting info.
And you are probably right when you advocate giving it more time and consideration, not rushing into divorce at the first urge for "getting out".
I, like many others, wouldn't get in between husband and wife while they are "waiting this length of time rather than divorce after the first row". To me it means they are not available.
I am glad that laws over here are different - less uncertainty.
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No..
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bodleing: Well that is a matter for you and your conscience.
I personally would not dream of taking money
from my ywo son's mother's pocket.
I feel no ill will towards her, quite the contrary.
My sons and I would always help her should the need
arise, and that would remain the same whether we were
divorced or not.
Pieces of paper do not effect my feelings towards
a person. This is how I conduct my life, though
I understand not everyone sees things this way.
As for your last statement...
I havnt a clue what you're talking about.
I personally would not dream of taking money
from my ywo son's mother's pocket.
I feel no ill will towards her, quite the contrary.
My sons and I would always help her should the need
arise, and that would remain the same whether we were
divorced or not.
Pieces of paper do not effect my feelings towards
a person. This is how I conduct my life, though
I understand not everyone sees things this way.
As for your last statement...
I havnt a clue what you're talking about.
...
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gozoman2: Just an opinion......but any reconciliation attempt would have been gone at before proceeding with separation no?
I mean over here, even when two people file for separation, the first move is that the court orders a reconciliation meeting between the lawyers and the parties to discuss the grounds for the call of separation.
In effect, can't remember the percentage, but over here there was a significant number of applications which were withdrawn since the parties reconciled when this maneuver was introduced in our courts.
Does not make any logic to go through separation to then reconcile considering the expenses involved in doing so.........my separation had cost me round Euro35,000........and that was fifteen odd years ago..........
I mean over here, even when two people file for separation, the first move is that the court orders a reconciliation meeting between the lawyers and the parties to discuss the grounds for the call of separation.
In effect, can't remember the percentage, but over here there was a significant number of applications which were withdrawn since the parties reconciled when this maneuver was introduced in our courts.
Does not make any logic to go through separation to then reconcile considering the expenses involved in doing so.........my separation had cost me round Euro35,000........and that was fifteen odd years ago..........
OMG! Euro35,000!!
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caspatch: if i was only separated i would not date, learned the hard way. she wanted marriage and i wasn't available. so i lost her. that was over thirty years ago and i still think about her
awwwwww! sorry to hear that cas.
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g33kgurl: is it ok to date a separated man or are you better off waiting until the divorce is finalised?
wait for the divorce to finalised and observe coz divorce is just for legal purpose, i still want to make sure its really over for them.
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catchastar2: One way to deal with this issue would be to be friends first. There is nothing wrong with friends, and you get the chance to find out how they really feel about there x. And you can see if they are serious about leaving the x, if there are feelings still and what they are. who knows the divorce might even happen while your doing this.
Personally I don't understand the difference of dating a seperated person or divorced. What I mean is some places you can get a divorce right away, that does not mean they wanted it, or doesn't hold out some hope of reconcile. I guess in that case we shouldn't date a divorcee either.
Doesn't matter who you date your always taking a chance. But it would be wise to know first what they carry in the line of baggage and present issues.
Personally I don't understand the difference of dating a seperated person or divorced. What I mean is some places you can get a divorce right away, that does not mean they wanted it, or doesn't hold out some hope of reconcile. I guess in that case we shouldn't date a divorcee either.
Doesn't matter who you date your always taking a chance. But it would be wise to know first what they carry in the line of baggage and present issues.
My sentiments exactly, it isn't about whether a piece of paperhas been issued, but rather their state of mind..... it is only truly over when they are emotionally detached!! As previously stated, my ex has been divorced 4yrs+ now and is as bitter as anything STILL! hence him being my ex.....
So hehadhis little piece of paper and it did us no good b/c he wasn't emotionally ready!
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Vixstar: My sentiments exactly, it isn't about whether a piece of paperhas been issued, but rather their state of mind..... it is only truly over when they are emotionally detached!! As previously stated, my ex has been divorced 4yrs+ now and is as bitter as anything STILL! hence him being my ex.....
So hehadhis little piece of paper and it did us no good b/c he wasn't emotionally ready!
So hehadhis little piece of paper and it did us no good b/c he wasn't emotionally ready!
no guarantees indeed. hey vix!
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Vixstar: My sentiments exactly, it isn't about whether a piece of paperhas been issued, but rather their state of mind..... it is only truly over when they are emotionally detached!! As previously stated, my ex has been divorced 4yrs+ now and is as bitter as anything STILL! hence him being my ex.....
So hehadhis little piece of paper and it did us no good b/c he wasn't emotionally ready!
So hehadhis little piece of paper and it did us no good b/c he wasn't emotionally ready!
When I applied for a divorce mu ex asked me what was the rush?? after 11 years living apart he still referred to me as his wife.
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vonney: When I applied for a divorce mu ex asked me what was the rush?? after 11 years living apart he still referred to me as his wife.
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petalbabe: Just because I called you on misunderstanding me, there is no reason to be facetious..
Grow up.
Grow up.
I am a man.
I refuse to grow up.
Grown up people are boring!
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rusty_knight: I am a man.
I refuse to grow up.
Grown up people are boring!
I refuse to grow up.
Grown up people are boring!
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