Getting my stuff back after trusting a man online! ( Archived) (115)

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
I started to ask you some questions about all the stuff you took with you, but it's really a moot point and you are already kicking yourself, so I don't want to come along and add salt to your wounds. You know you made a big mistake and now you want to put it behind you and move on. There is no way that you can make him box up your things and take it to the post office and ship it to you. You can ask, you can try...but you can't make him do it. Yes, you would like your possessions back, but I think it's time for you to assume that you won't see them again and truly do move on. Chalk it up to experience and learn your lesson from this. Just don't send him anymore money! If you've already sent enough to cover the costs of sending you your items, and he hasn't done so, more money won't suddenly give him a conscience.
Again, I'm sorry this happened to you. But close the door and walk away. You won't find peace until you do.

You could try paying him piecemeal - that is, paying for shipping each item one at a time, with a small bonus for him for his trouble for each shipment. That way he'd have a financial incentive to get it done. He sounds like someone who might appreciate a little extra money. Of course, that might only work until the last shipment, so save that for stuff you really don't care much about it.

I wish some ladies around here today, now

would read it and think hard.

Hey all! Thanks for your thoughtful replies! There are now so many that I won't be able to address each of them, which is really what I'd prefer. So I will have to write a summary to cover most of the points that were brought up.

This morning I sure was nervous about this last attempt to get my last bits back. Now I don't know if it's better to say that I went into this blinded by love or not, lol, truth is he was the one more in love than I and he managed to persuade me. I thought to give it a chance as he talked to me on Skype very diligently, twice a day even. I enjoyed the talks. I could tell he was no crook. But... this guy is a magnet for catastrophies. The things that have happened to me (and I suppose most of it is true) and the things that have been going on since I've known him are unbelievable! So hearing all this and trying to assess whether they were true (I saw his kids on cam too and they seemed okay, which was a positive indicator) I decided to go for the compassion.

So with the economy going down in the US and him losing his jobs and various health issues, I thought the false promises might have been chalked down to that. And to be honest, though he turned out to be quite a selfish person in many ways (having lived pretty much alone with his kids and a strange wife at the other end of their house) I still don't think he means to take my money. I know most people think so including my mother. But it seems that his money situation and the health issues are really pretty bad. I already sent him some dollars AFTER he had posted a couple of my packages. Money that wasn't even from my own pocket. Now as I was lucky to have a little extra I decided that in order not to have to wait for another year to get the stuff I'll just take the risk. This once.

Ok so I did expect him to TELL me the freaking money had arrived! Thank goodness I finally got a short mail today stating that it did arrive, however the bank demands that he has put in an equal amount of money first before they agree to exchange it, and that they took 10 % when this was finally done. He said he'd been busy but was eager to get the things on their way...

Now I was bloody relieved to hear something along these lines, though the whole bank issue sounds weird. However, I've come to see a lot of things that go on in America as normal... how can I tell?? And I have also seen him go through so many weird things that no one would believe unless they had been there... so... I still don't think he's a crook, just a walking field of disasters...

Next will follow the lessons learnt...

Ok some more text if you can bear with me...

Thanks to those who realized that I was taking a rather normal chance in life, it only happened to be in a place that has caused a lot of grievance. I had NO idea sending packages from the US would be so complicated, for instance. Turns out they have to be freaking small! And naturally I was thinking DAMN if only this was within Europe, I'd be there in a heartbeat and pick my own things up at once! But alas... I had to wait, and wait... one package dropping in here... another one dropping in there... it was like Chinese torture!!!

I had to pay this guy's rent once, last fall I managed to get the money back from him but some of it is now going back because he didn't take responsibility for his wish to have me come over and marry him. Oh well... in the end I haven't lost a fortune, bad enough for someone not rich as me yet it's not the end of the world. It was an experience, I learned good things too. In the end all bad things can be useful.

I didn't bring THAT much stuff over but I bought a few things while I was there and brought some cherished items in order to feel more at home, now THAT was my mistake!!! I now have most of those back (inherited things) but a few still remain. It would seem silly to give up right now.

Anyway, guys, moving across the pond is NOT A GOOD IDEA. People have done it and succeeded, especially if they had a work visa... from what I hear most don't. I had never realized how complicated even just sending things back and forth could be. Let alone all the bureacracy and the stress of having to decide within three months if you want to marry someone or not! It's freaking crazy. I will never do that again. BUT I will still be willing to relocate withing Europe... it just seems so incredibly small after THIS experience!!!

MISTAKE! I meant the THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO HIM, NOT TO ME!!

To Geminiman and all others who have suffered from things like this; I'm truly sorry it happens! And yes, it has indeed crossed my mind that some people want to hold onto material possessions as a way of keeping you in their life. It's sick, but it exists... I don't know if it was the case here because he did have enormous expenses all the time but you do wonder...