Relocation, relationship "on hold"... (53)
Yash124g: Apologies, HJF, not trying to be morbid, just know someone on CS is attracted to someone who just lost their loved one & while they do not want to approach them too quickly in their time of grief, nor do they want to lose the chance of being with a great person. Another difficult situation as the one on here is..
Sure hope they get a financial statement first..
Have them check with the attorney to make sure the estate is suitable.
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ainegirl: Ok, so I've been hearing from family that the man of my dreams was wrong to feel the way he did. I recently relocated back to my home state because of several personal reasons and unfinished business, and the man I was seeing wasn't willing to come with me. I understood that, he has a good job, a great house, he's built his life where he was. He wasn't ready for a commitment either, so I wasn't able to pin down a time for my return, if ever. That made it impossible in his eyes to stay together, as there is now an entire state and then some between us. Therefore, tho he loves me and I adore him, he wants us to split. He said he considders it on hold, as he'd be willing to take it up again if I decided to go back.
My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?
My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?
Of course, the same question about loving someone enough applies to you...
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I thank everyone for their advice. after reading one guy's interpretation of it (the guy who typed my quotes in red)I realized I didn't proofread it as well as I should have and I see where you got that I thought he should come running and drop everything. I wasn't actually saying that. I never told him he should leave everything he knew. (He's renting his house, btw). I said I wish he would come with me, yes. But he wished I would stay.
He knew I needed to go for myself, that I had regrets and things I needed to do, and he's going to support my decision to go. He said he's not the kind of guy who's going to tell me he can't live without me and beg me to come back.
I don't think he did anything wrong, my family kind of does. My question was more of wether I should try to move on, find someone up here, or plan on reserving that side of my life and plan to one day go back. I know it's a decision only I can make, but I like to hear other people's perspectives. Sometimes there's a line of thought I would have never seen otherwise. I'll make my decision, and you can give me your opinion. Deal?
He knew I needed to go for myself, that I had regrets and things I needed to do, and he's going to support my decision to go. He said he's not the kind of guy who's going to tell me he can't live without me and beg me to come back.
I don't think he did anything wrong, my family kind of does. My question was more of wether I should try to move on, find someone up here, or plan on reserving that side of my life and plan to one day go back. I know it's a decision only I can make, but I like to hear other people's perspectives. Sometimes there's a line of thought I would have never seen otherwise. I'll make my decision, and you can give me your opinion. Deal?
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There's a lot of missing information, but if I had to guess, I would say not to reserve anything for him emotionally. When you chose to move back, you placed that move above him. He'll always know that, and it seems reasonable for you to acknowledge what that implies as well - that you just weren't that taken with him and/or ready for a true commitment.
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Ambrose2007: There's a lot of missing information, but if I had to guess, I would say not to reserve anything for him emotionally. When you chose to move back, you placed that move above him. He'll always know that, and it seems reasonable for you to acknowledge what that implies as well - that you just weren't that taken with him and/or ready for a true commitment.
Interresting opinion. Of course, my previous marriage was hurt by my regret over not being able to move, and my grandparents are ailing, so I wanted to take care of them. So in my mind, I made my move on behalf of whoever I ended up with in the end, hoping it'd be him. He knew that.------ This thread is Archived ------
Ambrose2007: Of course, the same question about loving someone enough applies to you...
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ainegirl: Interresting opinion. Of course, my previous marriage was hurt by my regret over not being able to move, and my grandparents are ailing, so I wanted to take care of them. So in my mind, I made my move on behalf of whoever I ended up with in the end, hoping it'd be him. He knew that.
Hmmm...I don't understand your last sentence, Aine.
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Ambrose2007: Hmmm...I don't understand your last sentence, Aine.
I knew I had issues I needed to deal with before I got serious with someone again, or they would end up destroying the new relationship. Therefore I chose to take care of those issues beforehand, so that I wouldn't hurt someone because of it. I was hoping to be able to get serious with him, so I quickly decided to take care of my issues and make my move, for him as well as me. Make better sense? Sorry, I've been told I can be cryptic...
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ainegirl: I knew I had issues I needed to deal with before I got serious with someone again, or they would end up destroying the new relationship. Therefore I chose to take care of those issues beforehand, so that I wouldn't hurt someone because of it. I was hoping to be able to get serious with him, so I quickly decided to take care of my issues and make my move, for him as well as me. Make better sense? Sorry, I've been told I can be cryptic...
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense - and shows a lot of wisdom. Nothing good can happen (probably) until you deal with those issues anyhow. I have a feeling you'll be successful.
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ainegirl: Ok, so I've been hearing from family that the man of my dreams was wrong to feel the way he did. I recently relocated back to my home state because of several personal reasons and unfinished business, and the man I was seeing wasn't willing to come with me. I understood that, he has a good job, a great house, he's built his life where he was. He wasn't ready for a commitment either, so I wasn't able to pin down a time for my return, if ever. That made it impossible in his eyes to stay together, as there is now an entire state and then some between us. Therefore, tho he loves me and I adore him, he wants us to split. He said he considders it on hold, as he'd be willing to take it up again if I decided to go back.
My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?
My question is, some have said that if he loves me enough, he should go out of his way to make sure we're together, even if it means begging me to go back. I know him, and that's not him. I wouldn't love him as much if he wasn't who he is, so I'm not faulting him. Who's right? Should I give up on him cause he "doesn't love me enough to be selfish", or keep my feelings for him alive somewhere inside me because he's amazing?
if u care u wouldn't listen to others and i can imagine his situation, good job and house, pu yourself in his position would u leave all what u worked for behind for him. I think he is being reasonable.
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I have to go with getting your own issues resolved and then make decisions. Seriously, you have to be whole before you try to make a relationship. Unfortunately, now that I feel whole, I don't feel the need for a relationship. (that may change, you never know)
Good luck for you. You too may feel he or there is not the right person or place after you resolve unsettled things. Work on getting you together with you. Then work on getting with another person. Usually, things fall easily into place once you have resolved old issues.
Good luck for you. You too may feel he or there is not the right person or place after you resolve unsettled things. Work on getting you together with you. Then work on getting with another person. Usually, things fall easily into place once you have resolved old issues.
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As to OP, as the old saying goes, Where there's a Will, There IS a Way!! Good luck whatever you decide
no... not comfused.....
im just an angelic devil.......
..... or is that an devilish angel ??????